Chaos Awards Vol. 39

Greetings One and Everyone!   

Welcome ladies and gentleman to Volume 39 of the Chaos Awards! Almost a year since I have brought you the stunning confusion that is the Chaos Awards!

Let’s continue this week with what has transpired from TNA Victory Road and WWE Money In The Bank! Some shocking highs and some miserable fails, but overall, not a bad couple of PPVs!

Onto business!
 
Best Match – Beer Money Inc. vs. Motor City Machine Guns (Victory Road)
FINALLY THEY’VE DONE IT!
The Motor City Machine Guns are the TNA World Tag Team Champions!
I am so glad that TNA has finally done the right thing. MCMG are the best tag team today in TNA or WWE. Maybe even in the world. But there is no denying their ability to excite a crowd and maintain the high intensity of their matches, even if they are against sluggish or bigger opponents.
I just hope that TNA doesn’t screw this up. If they turn heel, it would be a bad idea. Turning AJ heel at the time was a bad idea, but managed to turn out okay until now where he is in a situation which makes him look like a stooge… again.
Let’s just ride this wave of emotion while it lasts… The Motor City Machine Guns are on top of the world.
That’s exactly where they should be.

Worst Match – Layla & Trent Baretta vs. Chris Masters & Kelly Kelly
WOAH! Why was this match on TV?
The boys didn’t tag in, it was around 3 minutes long and it had an upset victory… *kicks match* OFF TO SUPERSTARS WITH YOU!
I would rather have seen Masters vs. Baretta for a good 7 minutes and actually have a good back and forth instead of that crap.
There are a few things that make me scream FAIL at this match… but in actual fact I should be screaming FAIL at the entire Smackdown episode.
Kofi vs. Cody… Kane interferes for a no contest… WHY?!
Christian vs. Drew… WHY?!
Ziggler vs. Matt… WHY?! Drew is feuding with Matt… So why did they have to switch everything around?
Shouldn’t they have taken all 4 matches and gone “right here is what we do. Kelly Kelly vs. McCool w/ Layla as a warm up match to MITB. McCool gets herself DQ’d. 2 on 1 Beatdown. Masters & Baretta vs. The Dudebusters as a fill in match. Good solid performing we hope. Then Christian, Drew, Matt, Ziggler, Cody, Kofi, Kane & Big Show can all have an 8 man over the top rope battle royal that runs for about 10-15 mins.
Of course that idea might seem crap, but hey, it’s better than having a show that has NO MEANING whatsoever.

Best Performer – Evan Bourne
DUH?!?!
If no one knows why he is getting this then you have been under a rock or didn’t watch raw or any new video on youtube. Evan Bourne taking that Shooting Star Press countered into RKO was epic. Probably the best move sold this entire year.
Bourne is now a major contender in the Raw locker room… now what?
He’s taken two RKO’s from Randy Orton and sold them beautifully. Does this mean that Orton is going to turn back to heel just 5 months after turning face because he’s going to win Money In The Bank cash it in, win, and then Bourne is going to challenge him at Summerslam?
Bourne getting this push is brilliant. I admit that it may be at the wrong time, but it’s getting him in the main event picture. I’m actually half confused about what they are going to do with him next…
But that is a good thing.
Because it is making me guess… and it’s keeping me on the edge of my seat.
For the first time this year… I feel like my wrestling is coming back…
 
Worst Performer – Rob Terry
Can this guy sell ANYTHING?!
Honestly… what does Rob Terry have to do to begin to learn that he isn’t all that? How about TAKING THE GLOBAL CHAMPIONSHIP OFF HIM?!
He’s had that title since January and I think he’s defended it three times? Please… TNA… for the love of pete… GET IT OFF HIM!
Put it on ANYONE! Dinero, Kendrick, Max Buck, Rhino… LACEY! I don’t care. Just please, take it away from him.

Best Moment – KANE!!
HOLY MOTHER OF TUXEDOS! KANE IS THE NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!
As you can tell… I am completely marking out. 12 years since Kane had a World Championship (the then WWF Title) in his hands… back then he held it for a day. Now, I’m hoping for a solid long run.
Everyone doesn’t count the ECW Championship as a “World Title”, and I have to agree with them, hence the 12 years statement. I don’t want people coming on and calling me out because I said that the ECW Title isn’t a major title. It WAS a major title… prior to 2001 when ECW went bankrupt.
Anyway, Kane deserves this title more than most of people on the roster combined. Kane has worked so hard over the last few years being a “jobber to the stars” and even jobbing to McInsnore earlier this year.
This is like my Christmas in July. KANE IS THE WORLD CHAMPION!
*continues to mark out*

Worst Moment – The Miz winning Money In The Bank
I’m not saying this because The Miz won Money In The Bank. This has shocked me and it was one of the very things that I thought wouldn’t happen. But The Miz won Money In The Bank! Congratulations!
Thing is, he’s not that much of a main eventer. He’s had one *cough* big *cough* PPV match and that was against Cena around this time last year.
He is already holding the US Title, which is a title none the less. So is he going to lose that championship and gain the WWE Title? Or will he be the first man ever to either a) lose a match when cashing in Money in the Bank or b) be the first man to hold the Untied States Title AND the WWE Championship at the same time? Let’s wait and see.
Personally, I call this my worst moment because there were 3 other people in that match who I think deserved it just as much as The Miz did. But I can’t complain…

Chaotic Top 20
There is now a host of people building up for the spots in performer of the year. I’ve had a massive amount of people vote for this week and I hope that the trend continues. Thank you to all who continue to vote in the chaos awards.
Randy Orton reclaims top spot after losing it last week to AJ. There are currently 13 stars within sighting distance of Triple H. If you want your favourite star to win, you best get voting!

** Even though these people are not working with their companies anymore, I shall still continue to put them up because they earned that spot in their tenure of their company in 2010.  

Vanilla Coke. The only currency allowable in the Chaos Awards.

The Bottle Won't Open Rant.
Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to the wrestling tour. My name is “Guide” and I will take you on this special tour.
On the right you will see the WWE ring. Notice how the girls can wear skin tight clothing but it must not be revealing in any way. The girls aren’t allowed to use foul language and must always abide by a code of conduct.
As we continue the tour Ladies and Gentleman, on your left you will see the TNA ring. This is where performers are allowed to use foul language and weapons… getting chokeslammed onto a barbwire board is also a must. Oh, and females are allowed to be shown in quite revealing clothes and those said females actually have some talent.

I am now going to do the impossible… COMPARE WOMEN WRESTLERS! Thank to whoever sent me in this question (who shall remain nameless).

Now anyone who knows me knows that my favourite female wrestler right now is Daizee Haze. But if I had to compare women from WWE and TNA, you might get a strange conclusion.

WWE has Melina, Beth Phoenix, Michelle McTaker and Maryse. The girls who have been with the company for several years, gone through a few title reigns each and had a few PPV appearances a year.
The Divas don’t really get a lot of good coverage (although why would they?) but with the average divas match on PPV from Jan 1998 to Wrestlemania 26 being only 5 minutes and 15 seconds, you would struggle to find a good divas match to pick out of the lot that was a “good” PPV quality match. Although I would have to say Trish Stratus vs. Lita – Unforgiven 2006 is about the closest that you are going to get.

TNA has Angelina Love, Madison Rayne, Velvet Sky and Taylor Wilde with Tara returning in the near future.
Now, everyone thinks that TNA’s Knockouts Division has it better than the WWE Divas. They get better storylines on TV, they actually get meaningful promo and match time on Impact and they can have a good PPV match without it being a big meltdown.
Now after looking through TNA’s Main PPV era (November 2004 onwards) you may find this as a shock, but the longest Knockouts match in TNA PPV history was the no DQ match between Gail Kim and Awesome Kong (12 minutes 44 seconds) at Final Resolution, January 2008 which was longer than the longest one on one Divas match done by WWE on PPV in the same length of time (Trish vs. Lita – 11:34).
It also has a higher average time on PPV as well. With 48 matches being held (only Knockouts vs. Knockouts matches – no Intergender matches) at an average of 6 minutes and 38 seconds.

The question is: Which one is better?

The answer is: Neither.

If I wanted to watch brilliant female wrestling, I’d instantly go to Ring of Honor, CHIKARA or SHIMMER.
Everyone is now screaming MARK! at their computer screen. Thing is, I don’t care. I’m right and everyone knows it. If I wanted to see the best battles between female competitors I’d turn off WWE and TNA and head to my computer.
SHIMMER currently holds 24 of the top 27 longest televised women’s pro wrestling matches in history, the shortest of those being 13 minutes and 52 seconds (Daizee Haze def. Tiana Ringer – SHIMMER Vol. 8… and that wasn’t the longest match on the card that day).

I’m not saying that the WWE and TNA aren’t putting up bad competition… I’m saying that when it comes to the independent federations, they can’t hold a candle to them.

Just remember kids… KANE IS WORLD CHAMPION!!!

I’m The Nemesis, you've been a reader.

Comments

1. Comment #1

   MARK!!!! FIRST!
   
   Anyway... i just read this to see what you have to say about kane .. and you're right..GOD DAMNIT!
   anyway, good job... thank god i'm back as an articolist this friday :D
   MARK!

   Posted by Phenom The Vampire Lord/Henry Fitzroy on Monday, July 19, 2010

2. Comment #2

   Kane ftw! I flipped when he won MITB!

   Posted by Far Cry :D on Monday, July 19, 2010

3. Comment #3

   I have to totally agree... Kane being WHC is awesome...
   And the Evan Bourne thing, where to next? I say bring back the cruiserweight championship and let the little flippy guys have matches with someone their own size. Might also get Chavo back into the picture as more than a lapdog.
   Kudos to this article.

   Posted by Th3 Ch@d on Tuesday, July 20, 2010

4. Comment #4

   kane is world heavyweight champ but think about it?
   
   i know kane attacked the undertaker for a great storyline and now undertaker will come back and face kane for the WHC then we taker will be so much popular and will be a main eventer. IMAGING a 1st ever extreme tag team elimination chamber match
   
   4 people start the match(2 on a team) then the same happens just like a normal EC match but the person pinned is eliminated not the team! but it should be between 3 teams from raw and smackdown! there will be 2 in each pod but to make the match even better it involves weapons. 2 in each pod(1 each) and 2 on each side of the steel(in between each pod)though this is my creation i think WWE should use this as it would bring WWE good ratings and you could finaly have tag team titles in a EC MATCH

   Posted by the doctor of thuganomics on Thursday, July 22, 2010

5. Comment #5

   how could masters and barretta face the dudebusters?

   Posted by me on Saturday, July 31, 2010

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