Chaos Non-Awards: TNA Sacrifice Predictions!

Welcome to the TNA Sacrifice Predictions!

I shall be your host. My name is The Nemesis along side me is Phenom The Vampire Lord, writer of the Smackdown Report.

Let’s get straight into it!

Abyss vs. Desmond Wolfe
If Desmond wins, he gets Hogan’s ring. If Abyss wins, he gets Chelsea.

Phenom: Wait a minute, so if Abyss wins he "owns"Chelsea? And if Wolfe wins he gets Hogan's ring?

Well we all know Hogan must win! Must win! So i guess Abyss will win and get Chelsea for 30 days, leaving Desmond in the ring, staring at Hogan's ring and whispering "My preciousss", or something equally pathetic.

Winner: Abyss

Nem: I’m seriously waiting for Frodo and the other hobbits to come out and use the entire PPV to take the ring cast it back into the fires of Mount Hogan.

Seriously, ENOUGH WITH THE DAMN RING ALREADY! If it gave Abyss any sort of powers what so ever, it gave him power to become COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY REDUNDANT to ANY storyline for the next 3 years!

I hope that Desmond wins so he can break the ring with a bloody sledgehammer and be done with this crap! I’m sick of hearing about Gandalf and Frodo! I mean… Flair and Styles.

Winner: Desmond Wolfe by Chelsea interfering causing a distraction for the Tower of London (or a variation of some sort of Cutter)

TNA Global Championship
Rob Terry © vs. Orlando Jordan

Phenom: From what I understand Rob Terry got beat up pretty badly by Jordan on multiple occasions. And when that happens, usually the beat up guy retains at the PPV, avenging those coward attacks. Plus he was a member of team Hogan and has the chokeslam as a finishing move.

Plus, TNA would have a lot of things to lose if they would make someone with Jordan’s gimmick the TNA Global Champion.

Winner: Rob Terry (and still Champion)

Nem: Rob Terry. One of the most jacked guys on the roster… but can’t perform a clothesline without screwing it up.

Orlando Jordan. One of the weirdest gimmick changes I’ve seen ever… and can’t perform a clothesline without making it look somewhat sexual.

I don’t care who wins. Just as long as I don’t see any types of sexual misconduct in this match, I’ll be fine with it.
Oh and if there is no melted chocolate and/or honey involved either… just laying out the options here people…

Winner and STILL TNA Global Champion: Rob Terry by Chokeslam or Running Powerslam

TNA Knockouts Championship
Madison Rayne © vs. Tara
If Tara loses, she will retire.

Phenom: If you live on planet Earth and actually watch wrestling, you should know the ending of this match. There have been spoilers all over the internet; hell I don’t care about TNA but I still found out about it: Tara’s contract with TNA is/will soon be up.

So I guess I’ll be a smart vampire and go with Tara losing the match and ending her career at Sacrifice.

Winner: Madison Rayne (and still champion)

PS: expect some hair and screaming… and a couple of nice spots

Nem: Tara is going to lose.

Like Phenom said, if you have been living under a rock lately and haven’t check out wikipedia, Tara has stated that she will be leaving TNA because of a financial dispute. Basically… TNA won’t pay her what she is worth.

Tara, I hope you go out with glory and dignity.

Winner and STILL TNA Knockouts Champion: Madison Rayne by Interference by Velvet Sky or Lacey to perform a Facebreaker Knee Smash

TNA World Tag Team Championship
The Band © vs. Ink Inc.

Phenom: So, in this match the WCW relics will put the titles on the line against a tag team with a very annoying name. I have no idea what this Jesse Neal guy can do in the ring and I honestly don’t care. I mean, ANYONE can have the spear as a finisher. As for Shannon Moore… he was only interesting when he was the Prince of Punk.

As much as I want the Band to die in ring and make this end in a no contest, I will say the titles won’t change hands again so fast so…

Winners: The Band (and still champion)

Nem: The Band (Nash and Hall) are a parasite on the world of TNA. They won’t get the hell out of the way and let the young guys come through!

Motor City Machine Guns have got the #1 Contendership to the TNA Tag Team Championship THREE TIMES THIS YEAR and they have never had a legitimate battle for them. Never had a true opportunity to cash in their championship.

I want The Band to be TNA Tag Team Champions as much as I want Justin Bieber to be breathing.

I’ll go out on a limb here…

Winners: Ink Inc by Disqualification after Sean Waltman, Matt Morgan OR Eric Young come out to interfere in the match and cost Ink Inc the titles. The Band retains.

Mr. Anderson vs. Jeff Hardy

Phenom: The Phenom had no idea how this feud started so he just went to wikipedia. And wikipedia didn’t help so I have no idea how this thing started. I’ll just say these guys could make a good match with a couple of suicidal spots but it’s going to be a short match (like all matches are nowadays) so it will just make us hate TNA even more.

Taking Hardy’s legal situation into account I will say Jeff won’t be pushed any further. They just hired him cause he has a good fan base and he was free of contract. He did his job during the last impact by Swanton-ing Anderson through a table, so the fans will be happy.

Winner: Mr. Anderson

Nem: Jeff has been on a roll on Impact against Anderson, naturally this means that Anderson will get up at the PPV.

I have a feeling though that this might be a turn around though. With the way this rivalry has gone on, I just have this rising feeling that something is going to be different…

Don’t ask me how, I just hope that it starts on Sunday. Maybe Jeff will breath on Mr. Kenderson and cause I’m to get intoxicated from the fumes of his foul breath.

Winner: Jeff Hardy by Swanton Bomb

#1 Contendership of the TNA Tag Team Championships
Beer Money vs. Motor City Machine Guns vs. Team 3D

Phenom: Team 3D are out of the equation because I say they’re too old for this business… well not too old, but too old to win. They’re still good enough to give the young guys a push. So it all comes down to MCMG and Beer Money. I vaguely remember them from like 2 years ago and back then Beer Money was winning tag team titles. So I say they will lose at Sacrifice.

Plus, those 2 young guys deserve a push! They’ve been more successful as singles wrestlers (thanks Nemesis for this bit of information) and it’s about time they start winning some tag team gold. Their push starts at Sacrifice!

Winners: Motorcity Machineguns

Nem: The Motor City Machine Guns have had the #1 contendership THREE TIMES this year and they have never had a full opportunity to cash in that chance and become tag team champions.
Team 3D, best tag team in history but I agree with Phenom, I can’t see them winning.
Beer Money. I’ll have to say no because they are the heel team in this match and we have a heel team as champions at the moment.

The only similarity between these three teams is that I would share a vanilla coke with them. ONLY ONE… but I would still share.

It all comes down to the equation. There can only be one real winner.

Winners and #1 contenders for the FOURTH time: Motor City Machine Guns

TNA Division Championship
Kazarian © vs. Doug Williams

Phenom: Kazarian finally got rid of that stupid Suicide character and is now after the X Division title. Now, from my understanding he’s the rightful X Division champion but Doug Williams just did what any heel in the world should do: say no!

So at Sacrifice they will square off to determine the champion. The vampire thinks Kaz will lose this one just to continue make Doug look like an evil heel; I also think Doug will win because his nickname is “the Anarchist” and we all want an anarchist as a champion.

Winner: Douglas Willams 

Nem: I disagree with Phenom here.
I liked the suicide character because we could relate to it in a way. I’ve played TNA Impact… Yes I know… shaddup.
Anyway, I see Kazarian retaining and finally getting the X Division belt. This feud may go onto Slammiversary where Doug will regain the title after some sort of gimmicked match.

How about “Suicide on a Pole” Match? Anyone?

Winner and STILL X Division Champion: Kazarian by Back to the Future (countered from Chaos Theory)

Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett

Phenom: Again 2 guys that should be at home with their wives…

I don’t like Sting! He’s too flippy floppy with his alignment so that’s why I’m hoping he gets hit with a guitar and loses the match in under 5 minutes. GIVE THE YOUNG GUYS SOME AIR TIME!

Winner: Jeff Jarrett

Nem: I don’t care who wins. Jarrett has been a professional for 24 years. Sting for 25 years. That’s 49 years worth of experience in that ring. I’d normally say something like that in an Elimination Chamber match for all 6 guys. Not two.

So be prepared for slow action. A Sloth vs. A Lethargic Rhino would be more entertaining… guaranteed.

I repeat. I don’t care who wins. But I guess that I have to make a decision.

Winner: Sting by Scorpion Deathlock

TNA World Championship
Rob Van Dam © vs. AJ Styles

Phenom: Nemesis knows more about RVD and AJ Styles so I’ll just let him do the talking while I stand in the background mocking him with my internet troll voice.

RVD is cool and the new Ric Flair trained AJ Styles isn’t so…

Winner: “Mr. PPV” Rob Van Dam

Nem: I must thank my partner her for letting me go on a little about this match.

I’m still trying to toss around in my head why they didn’t have AJ lose to RVD on THIS PPV instead of the night after Lockdown.
AJ has been the terrible heel which isn’t good for his style. I guess I just don’t like AJ as a heel. Also has it just been me or does it look like AJ doesn’t want to come into TNA some days?

Rob Van Dam made a huge impact (no pun intended) by squashing Sting in 20 seconds. Then proceeded to get annihilated by Sting over the next 7 hours. Since then, RVD has made a huge impression in TNA by just being RVD. Which is weird to be honest… but Rob Van Dam is the main star of TNA today. Not Jeff Hardy, not AJ Styles, not Hulk Hogan… but RVD.

Look to retain Mr. Thursday Night.

Winner and STILL TNA World Champion: Rob Van Dam by Five Star Frog Splash

Last Words

Phenom: All right Ladies and Gentlemen, I hope that you all enjoy Sacrifice, make sure to read my next article, I am Phenom The Vampire Lord, until next time find yourself a garlic necklace… you might need it!

My prediction for PPV: 3.5 stars

Nem: Thank you everyone for reading. Hopefully TNA Sacrifice doesn’t disappoint. But looking at the card… it will.

Hope you can all continue to read the Chaos Awards and Vampire’s Crypt (Smackdown Report) every week!

Don’t forget to tune into http://ultimatewrestlingradio.webs.com for live audio commentary of TNA Sacrifice on Sunday Night if you can’t get the PPV.

My prediction for PPV: 3 stars if there are no screw-ups.

I’m The Nemesis, you’ve been a reader.

Comments

1. Comment #1

   Wolfe beats Abyss, I am still waiting for the Hogan heel turn.
   
   Jordan beats Terry, though Rob will win the title back at a later date.
   
   Rayne beats Tara for obvious reasons, though the knockout division is dying now.
   
   Hall & Nash retain over Ink Inc. Fire Neil now, please.
   
   Anderson beats Hardy. Well Hardy is busy in court plus Anderson did get taken down at Lockdown so it's a way to get him back on track.
   
   M.C.M.G. are the new #1 contenders in an ok match at best. (and yes I belive they will take the titles from Hall & Nash).
   
   X-title match, I hope Williams retains, sorry Kaz just bores me. The belt will be put in a king of the mountain match anyway later with both in it.
   
   Sting will beat Jarrett. It just shows you how bad these two have become when this match gets the “oh by the way treatment” Sting wins to continue the Sting vs. Jarrett vs. Hogan vs. Eric vs. Flair vs. Abyss feud.
   
   R.V.D. beats Styles because it's way too early to kill the R.V.D. push now.

   Posted by Matt Jones on Sunday, May 16, 2010

2. Comment #2

   So, after reviewing the results, i counted 2 wrong answers for me and 3 for Nemesis.
   BWAHAHA!

   Posted by Phenom The Vampire Lord on Tuesday, May 18, 2010

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