Chaos Non-Awards: Total Non-Stop Alzheimers

Greetings one and everyone.

I’ve recently learnt some changes to TNA’s title line up. I had NO IDEA that Taylor Wilde and Hamada won the Knockouts Tag Team Championships and that Madison Rayne reclaimed the Knockouts Title and I also didn’t know that AJ Styles has renamed the Global Championship to the TNA Television Championship. So now, I’m going to waste 5-10 minutes of your time, which I am thanking you for in advance, for reading this article because this has just put me over the edge with how much I am fed up with TNA and why I barely watch it anymore. I’m going to take you through a quick progression of TNA 2010.

January 4^th 2010. The show that promised new things in TNA and a “fresh start”.
How does it start? With an 8 man Steel Asylum Match that ends with a NO CONTEST just so they can introduce Jeff Hardy. Fantastic start that perfectly illustrates my point. Next up, he meets Shannon Moore, another new face. Yay.
After the first commercial break (to which we are about 15 minutes into this show) we see Hogan’s limousine which is on it’s way to the arena. Let me just point out, he was the new head/top guy announced and he ISN’T EVEN THERE YET?!
Anyway, Mick Foley is apparently the only guy who can’t break through security but Scott Hall and Sean Waltman got in fine. Ric Flair debuts along with Bubba The Retard. The Beautiful People are playing strip poker… actually they are just playing poker cause we know they aren’t getting naked.
By this stage Hogan’s Limo is a “few blocks away”. We are an HOUR into the show and he still isn’t there. THEN when he gets out there he says (quote) “I’ve backstage all night talking to the guys.” WELL DONE YOU IDIOTIC GERIATRIC! You just screwed up the first 60 minutes of the entire show!

The rest of the night had bad acting and bad promos along with bad matches with the exception of Styles vs. Angle. Then the ending of the show was crap as well.
Worst of the night was Bubba The Lemon Curd. When Beer Money were found beaten down backstage he says this line… “I’ve got a good idea who is behind all of these attacks”… notice he doesn’t say who OR WHAT HE’S GONNA DO ABOUT IT! It’s like being in your living room with friends picking up the remote and saying “I know what’s on TV” and then doing absolutely nothing as they stare blankly back at you.

For the next several months all we saw was HOGAN, FLAIR, HOGAN, BITCHOFF AND HOGAN just being forced down our throats and along with the 6 sided ring being changed to a 4 sided ring they successfully made sure that they scraped away every single possible shred of dignity from TNA.
We also had a massive number of ex-WWE stars enter TNA.
Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, Jeff Hardy, Shannon Moore, Sean Morley, Mr. Anderson, Brian Kendrick, Orlando Jordan, Rob Van Dam, Tommy Dreamer and most of the Extreme Stable. The only reason that these guys are getting over is because they have a big WWE logo gouged into their forehead. Not only that, but Hulk Hogan appears on 3 of the first 4 PPV promotional posters.

The ONLY good thing about the first 4 months of TNA was MCMG vs. Generation Me at Destination X.

They tried the Monday Night slot, it didn’t work. They tried TNA Epics, it didn’t work. Oh, I know what will work! Let’s take the World Championship off the guy who is the hardest working man and one of the most talented men in the ring today and put it on this high profile ex-WWE star that is massively popular even though he’s only been with us for 6 weeks. GREAT IDEA MORONS!

While all of this was going on we had Frodo and Gollum… eh… I mean Abyss and Styles going on about a ring. All we needed was the mystical journey because we had all of the other useless hobbits around them I was waiting for a forest to pipe up somewhere. I think the Volcano erupted about 2 months too early, that way Styles could put it in there and just let the whole thing die.

Speaking of the Volcano, I think that when everything was held up from that Volcano eruption that the X Division really started to wither away and die because of Douglas having to “give up” the X Division Title until he got back… which was practically given back to him anyway at Sacrifice.
According to wiki, here is the entire list of X Division stars:
Douglas Williams, Kaz, Shark Boy, Suicide, Jay Lethal, Max & Jeremy Buck, Alex Shelley, Chris Sabin, Brian Kendrick, Shannon Moore, Amazing Red.
Two fantastic tag teams, 3 regular X Div guys, 2 ex-WWE guys, a guy in a body suit who is just a character that is played by 7 different men and a Brit. There’s a lot of depth in there.

Oh, Sacrifice. That’s where the Knockouts Division started to crumble as well!
”Oh yes, Tara, is it? Yes. You want out of your contract? Okay, you have to go in a Title vs. Career match. Okay good.”
She loses. Alright, Knockout gone.
Fast forward to Slammiversary…
”Oh yes, Roxxi? I know it’s only 5 minutes before your match, we want to make this match with you and Madison a loser is fired match. You ok with that? Oh okay then good. After your done get your cheque and get out of the building.”
So you get rid of one fantastic Knockout and then you fire another Knockout who you have JUST rehired and she has been bleeding for the good of TNA all over the world (literally)? What the hell is wrong with them?

Another thing with TNA changing their minds is the TNA Legends/Global/TV Championship. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a championship tossed around like this one has. It was the Legends Championship for almost a year, then Eric Young proclaimed it the Global Championship and it stayed like that for 9 months. Then last month, AJ Styles renamed the belt the Television Championship.
I quite liked the name “Global” Championship. Why didn’t they just stick with that and have everyone outside of the United States to compete for that belt instead of changing the name because you wanted a TV Title? Or was it just because you wanted AJ to have another “title name” to the ever growing list of titles that he’s won in the last 8 years.

Anyway, sorry for getting a little off the topic… back to this year.
So with Abyss vs. Styles for the “Prechooosssh”… err I mean… ring continuing to flourish and giving us another reason not to care, it all became about one man. Rob Van Dam. No matter what, RVD had to be on camera at least twice with Hogan in every single episode.
RVD was given the platform that could’ve been given to anyone from the TNA originals. Like I said in my last article, TNA has made ONE ‘new’ World Champion in 3 1/2 years. It could’ve been anyone but they gave it to the guy who they knew would draw them the most amount of money.

Then, in came the new rankings system… which was just another way of saying “we need more people to get onto TNA Wrestling website”. I fail to see how Sting got top of the list even though he was still on the injured list… then we miraculously get a tie between Hardy, Abyss and Anderson for Victory Road. Then Abyss just tops it solely AFTER turning heel.
I still say that fans voted for Jeff Hardy because the fans want to see Rob Van Dam vs. Jeff Hardy another couple of times before the year is out. Oh and while I mention Victory Road, Jay Lethal defeated Ric Flair and is now another notch on the resident jobber list for TNA. Although there was a good moment in TNA, MCMG FINALLY winning the TNA Tag Titles!

SCREEEEEECH!!! STOP! Everything was put on hold because of HardCORE Justice with the Extreme Version 2.0 thought up by Bitchoff and Russo.
Now I am personally a MASSIVE old ECW fan, but even I was asking “Why? Why are you doing this? You don’t need to. We know that ECW is dead.” I knew that it wasn’t going to be as good as the original and with that in mind, I knew that I didn’t want to see it. I know plenty of other friends who just wanted to see the old ECW stars again. I’ll tell you exactly what the result was for TNA to put on an ECW show. Low expenditure, High Income, attempt to get more people to watch the product. Bischoff has said “I’m not doing this for the money!” Right… that’s why you’re pulling out all of the stops to make sure that you are making as little money as possible.
Question: If you aren’t doing it for the money then why are you feeding us the same crap that you did 12 YEARS AGO when you were making money hand over fist?!
 
After 4 months of holding the title RVD gets “injured” and has to vacate it. The injuries that are mentioned are spinal trauma and possible acute brain damage… What are we? Retarded? Just say “Abyss beat the crap out of him. He’s hurt badly. So now we’ll have to have a tournament to determine who the next TNA World Champion will be.”
Just while I’m talking about that… this is TNA’s 4^th or 5^th Tournament this year. ENOUGH ALREADY!

But I think the main reason that TNA has gone down the toilet is the people backstage and at the top. Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, Vince Russo and the first lady of TNA, Dixie Carter.
Bischoff and Russo have said time and time again on social networking sites that they aren’t doing what the fans want, they are doing what they think will push TNA forward. When all they are doing is burying TNA and everything that they stand for.
The Knockouts are dwindling… 3 titles between 8 girls. X Division is dying. TV title is degrading. And all over the roster there are misguided storylines and hard working stars being released. Daniels, Consequences Creed, Roxxi and ODB were fired in favour of keeping old guys like Scott Hall, Sean Waltman and Bubba The Morning After Pill (who all didn’t last much longer).

Back in January, TNA said that it was going to be a big change for the company. Well we’ve seen about 10 “big changes” and we are still stuck with the same stuff and same “big change” promise.

If TNA wants to improve by the end of the year, in my opinion, this is what they need to do:
-- Get rid of anyone over the age of 43 or anyone that can’t complete a basic athletic fitness test.
-- Fire Hulk Hogan.
-- Ensure people turn up to shows clean and SOBER.
-- Fire Vince Russo and the entire creative team and then rehire Jim Cornette.
-- Fire anyone who hasn’t been seen on TV in 3 months that isn’t apart of a storyline.
-- Rehire Vince Russo so Jim Cornette can fire him.
-- Hire new talent from the independent circuit and not from the WWE’s unwanted pile.
-- If anyone does come over from the WWE, make them jobbers to all of the TNA originals for 2 months first before giving them any decent amount of a push.
-- Restore the X Division to its full credibility.
and finally…
-- Please for the love of god… Fire Vince Russo.

There are so many ways that TNA has screwed up. But I can put the entire demise of TNA down to two words. Two words that will make you tune AWAY from TNA. Those two words are the future of this industry and really don’t need explaining. It’s nothing to do with TNA itself, it will just make you watch WWE television.

TNA’s future downfall if they continue on the path that they are on can be brought down to these two simple words…
…
Bryan Danielson

I’m The Nemesis, you’ve been a reader.

Comments

1. Comment #1

   Some people would say that firing Russo 3 times is a bit overkill ... In my opinion he can't be fired enough.

   Posted by Spriorite on Friday, August 27, 2010

2. Comment #2

   What he said ^^
   
   TNA should hire Orton. he'll get all the right people fired. STARTING WITH ANDERSON!

   Posted by Phenom The Vampire Lord/Henry Fitzroy on Friday, August 27, 2010

3. Comment #3

   This has been the most beautiful article I've ever read. *sniffle*
   
   No seriously, I loved your article. I've been watching TNA recently and I wasn't quite sure whether it's sole purpose was to rehire wrestlers WWE released. It used to have good matches but now it's mostly talk talk and whatnot. You forgot to mention Ric Flair's role here, if any, and also the fact that TNA wrestlers seem to bleed enough to create their own red sea.
   
   Also. Bryan Danielson. He is the single most awesome wrestler ever since... well, that doesn't matter but what does matter is that WWE has a future legend in their hands.

   Posted by Dr Frank on Friday, August 27, 2010

4. Comment #4

   no no it's Bryan "F'ing AWESOME" Danielson... Bischoff has screwed up that way a
   few times before, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin(enough said)

   Posted by The Knight on Friday, August 27, 2010

5. Comment #5

   I agree with bringing back jim cornette, and I agree get rid of all the big boys. All i have been reading on TNA is the nonstop changes they have been making. Its like an identity crisis! Mick Foley just became a powerhouse, then they ditched that for hogan, then they ditched the ring...
   
   Also, Roxxi was my fav knowckout for 2 reasons, A. She is great in the ring. B. SHE SHAVED HER HAIR FOR THE COMPANY in a segment that was boo'ed by the fans! Give her a title! Dont fire her!
   
   I know, my credibility is low for not even watching tna, but what i hear about the company alone is painfull to read, imagine watching it! When Booker T introduced that lame belt, it felt like it had no weight, Now we have changing names for it, and that just tells me that the company doesnt have confidence in their product. Hiring ex WWE stars tells me the company doesnt have confidence in their product.
   
   I liked TNA because it was so different than anything I have seen. Even when it had Russo, it still was different. Now... it has lost that fresh attitude, that confidence that made it so enjoyable.

   Posted by Devil D on Friday, August 27, 2010

6. Comment #6

   "hmm you think we fired russo enough times"
   "nah"
   give jarret his damn compainy back then fire him form being 43
   fire vince russo
   smash hogan with whatever abyss's weapon is
   fire vince russo
   get rid of janice its tna wrestling not tna murder and finally
   fire vince russo
   

   Posted by matt on Friday, August 27, 2010

7. Comment #7

   I love your ideas for improving TNA. Bischoff, Russo and Hogan Killed WCW. What makes you think that now they'd do anything better with TNA! Hogan killed wrestling for me and I will never forgive him for that. For that I hope that Snaps does a DIAF article just for him. And perhaps, he actually can DIAF

   Posted by Hillbilly Phil on Saturday, August 28, 2010

8. Comment #8

   COMPLETELY spot on with your analysis of TNA at the moment. I think what TNA really really needs is a lot more focus on the X division and letting them do their thing, keep all the has beens out of TNA (I swear to god I almost puked when I saw the nasty boys), and just like you said... hire new talent from the independents and leave the old WWE discard pile alone. They got fired for a reason most likely.

   Posted by Scooter on Sunday, August 29, 2010

9. Comment #9

   Phenom, we can only hope. Then Kennedy will leave TNA and hopefully go back to WWE, and Orton can join TNA and be TNA World champion for all I care.
   
   ;)

   Posted by The Bouncer on Sunday, August 29, 2010

10. Comment #10

    Dude, I started reading this article due to the title... Total Non-stop Alzheimers. This article had me agreeing all the way and laughing too. I could not agree more. However after they fire Vince Russo the third time they should fire him one more time... out of a giant cannon and into the residence of Hulk Hogan.
    Keep up the good work!

    Posted by Th3 Ch@d on Sunday, August 29, 2010

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