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Chaos Theories: TNA Report for 09/10/09 |
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I’m The Nemesis here to bring you the Chaos Aw- wait… I’m not doing the Chaos Awards? I’m doing the TNA article? If you say so… *turns on TV* … Sorry if I am a little rusty as this is my first show review and I’ve got a whole 5 hours to watch and write this up. TNA begins with a Tag Team Gauntlet match already in progress. 3.7 seconds into TNA and I already don’t like it. Beer Money vs. British Invasion vs. Team 3D vs. Main Event Mafia – Tag Team Gauntlet Match There is great team work for Team 3D and Beer Money and the complete opposite end of the spectrum for B.I and MEM. Beer Money has some great offence and Booker chimes in a few times with his signature moves. Match ends with a 3D to Steiner and Brother Ray goes for the pin and… wait a second. Brutus pushes Brother Ray off Scott and goes for the Pin himself! Winners: British Invasion 3/10 Wasn’t too impressed that I missed the first 10 minutes of this match and the rest wasn’t much to go on. Needed more quick tags and extended double team work between Main Event Mafia and British Invasion for me to be impressed. Booker looks like his children have just been punched in the face. British Invasion and Main Event Mafia are right in each others faces as we go to commercial. COMMERCIAL!! Back from the break with MEM in the face of British Invasion who are all yelling incoherently at each other. Eric Young enters the picture and says that the British Invasion listens to him because he’s the leader of the World Elite. Kurt makes generic threat #42. (Scott please shut the (censored) up. Repeating everything that Angle says isn’t good.) Angle comes down to the ring looking like a Ghetto Smurf that has woken up with a hangover. He begins by asking Morgan to come down to the ring, which of course, he does so. Angle says that everything he has said and everything he’s done was in Morgan’s best interests. He goes onto talk about No Surrender and the MEM with Morgan. Morgan decides to read everyone’s mind, including Angle’s, and says that he has to do ONE more thing to be accepted. Sting’s music interrupts Angle and Sting & Styles walk to the ring. Sting wants to ask Morgan why he’s doing this stuff with Angle. Sting pretends to be Morgan and gets in Angle’s face to do a promo for him. He says that the MEM needs Morgan but Morgan doesn’t need them. Angle tells Sting to shut up and asks if he’s going to mentor Morgan the same way that he is mentoring ‘the quitter’ referring to Styles. He says that not only does Sting not have it anymore, but he’s going to drag down Styles while he’s at it. (Okay I want to point out that Angle is right now spitting a swimming pool around everyone as he’s talking. Its quite (censored) disturbing, please show a different camera angle…) Angle then says that he will do anything to keep the TNA World Title. Morgan then finally sees the light and shoots down Angle. He then offers his services to be Angle’s corner for his match later that night. COMMERCIAL!! Small promo with Earl Hebner. Holy Crap. This sucked. Highlights of last week’s match and Earl is asked about his decision. Earl says that he didn’t know what was going on and he tells all the referees to trust noone and storms off. (I’m in the same boat with Earl, I don’t know what the (censored) is going on either.) Foley and JB are in Foley’s office with Foley’s two sons playing on the couch. JB asks Foley why he wants to face Kevin again for Legends Title after the match that the two of them had 4 weeks ago. He says that he’s looking forward to it when there is a knock at the door. Its Dr. Stevie. Foley comments on their past, how Foley exited ECW in 1996. Stevie says that he’s a doctor and he is to be addressed as Dr. Stevie. (Stevie sounds like he’s had a chainsaw shoved down his throat) Foley says that tonight, its Dr Stevie vs. Abyss. Stevie protests but Foley is adamant that the match will go ahead. Sarita & Taylor Wilde vs. Daffney & Alissa Flash Starts out with Alissa showing her strength and dominating for a moment. Beautiful immediate team moves from Sarita and Wilde. Wow, Sarita has fantastic aerial in this match. Alissa looks really lost in this match and it seems as though Daffney is trying to carry her through. After some beautiful double team moves between Sarita & Wilde (and the ref almost making the pin for the illegal knockout in the ring), Daffney is kicked to the outside by Wilde and Sarita hits a Chicken Wing Belly-to-Belly Slam on Alissa for the win. Winners: Sarita & Taylor Wilde 6/10 Not a very long match but still enjoyable. Alissa needs a lot of work though. JB is with the World Elite He talks to Eric about Kurt’s earlier warning and says that Eric might deserve what is coming. Eric replies and says that Kurt is going to get everything he deserves. World Elite doesn’t have a plan, but they won. Eric says the World Elite does the right thing not the wrong thing. He tells Kurt to come over anytime as we go to… COMMERCIAL!! Suicide makes a quick promo about The Pope saying that the Dark Saviour is coming and it will be a cleansing of the wicked. Suicide vs. The Pope next week. Motor City Machine Guns come down to the ring to their own broadcast table as guest commentators. ”Black Machismo” Jay Lethal vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero Early work by Lethal. Stopped by Pope who clotheslines Lethal, while he was on the ropes, onto his head. Not much back and forth action at all which not much else to compliment. Pope hits DDE for the win. Winner: The Pope 2.5/10 Pope BARELY kicked out of a pin three times. If you’re going to kick out, GET YOUR SHOULDER OFF THE CANVASS! We immediately go to World Elite Locker Room which has Angle yelling at everyone. He tells Eric that Brutus was out of line but only to get their attention. He says that they made a pact together to jointly dominate TNA and that Eric needs to make a decision about the World Elite. Eric says he won’t apologize because he doesn’t have to. TNA should be run by both WE & MEM together. He extends his hand which Kurt reluctantly shakes and walks out with MEM. (Scott. Leave. Its now 6 on 1. You don’t need to be the tough guy now. Thank you) The Beautiful People vs. Madison Rayne and Roxxi (MCMG are great on the microphones. They say it like it is. Keep it going!) Roxxi start out with some hard offence on Angelina. Quick tags from both teams which I enjoyed. Not a fast paced match, but ok for a Knockouts match. Man, Velvet has a voice on her doesn’t she? Roxxi hits a Voodoo Drop on Angelina for a 2 count. Then tags in Rayne. Love gets the Pin after a school boy and grabbing the tights of Rayne. Winners: The Beautiful People 5/10 Not too shabby for a Knockouts match I’ll admit that. I’m upset that Angelina has been fired, she is a good wrestler. JB is in Foley’s Office with Deaner who is saying that he wants a match against a knockout tonight. He shows off his (groan) “skills” with great enjoyment. Foley accepts the request. Deaner vs. TNA Knockout tonight. (Louder groan) COMMERCIAL!! Foley is coming down to the ring to be commentator for the next match. Abyss vs. Dr. Stevie Stevie runs out and attacks Abyss on the ramp. Not long after the bell rings, Abyss becomes a brick wall. Can someone say…SQUASH MATCH!?!? Winner: Abyss 2/10 After the match, Nash sneaks to the ring and attacks Abyss with Stevie. Foley runs into the ring and throws Stevie out while Nash sneaks out and walks away from the ring. COMMERCIAL!! We’re back with World Elite in the ring. Eric says that there has been a lot of controversy today on TNA and he wouldn’t change a thing. He set a goal for himself and that was to recruit Hernandez. He says that he will do whatever it takes and invites Hernandez to the ring. Hector Guerrero comes out instead and tells Eric that Hernandez isn’t coming out because you cost him one of the biggest matches of his career. He asks Eric to end what he’s doing. Eric responds by saying that he didn’t start it. Everyone chose to disrespect him and the World Elite so they will continue to do this. He tells Hector to go and tell Hernandez to watch the rest of TNA so he’ll give a reason why they should talk face to face. COMMERCIAL!! Tara vs. Cody Deaner – MMA Rules Well here is the comedy match for the night. Deaner “warms up” and invites Tara to have a free shot. She obliges and cracks Cody. Tara completely dominates Cody for the whole match. Then the ref gets knocked down by Cody and Awesome Kong comes in and hits an Implant Buster on Tara. Ref comes around and calls for the bell. Winner by TKO: Deaner 5/10 Nice Comedy commentary by MCMG and got to love Tara kicking Deaner into next week. COMMERCIAL!! We’re back to see security footage of Rhino and Lashley in a gym. Rhino starts beating up Lashley afterwards saying “Welcome to TNA, (censored)!” A.J Styles & Daniels w/Sting vs. Kurt Angle & Samoa Joe w/Matt Morgan Morgan grabs a chair and literally sits ringside in Angle’s corner. Nice quick tags between both teams. Beautiful double team work by Styles & Daniels. Morgan is applauding all of Angle’s moves. It ends when Daniels hits a Moonsault and Styles hits a Frog Splash Pin which is broken up by Joe who performs a Senton onto Styles and almost squashes Angle. Joe throws Daniels to the outside and grabs a chair and is then stopped by Sting as the ref climbs out of the ring. Morgan suggests that Angle use the chair against Styles and holds it up to the ropes. Angle grabs Styles and runs towards the chair but Styles puts on the brakes and counters sending Angle into the chair. Styles rolls up Angle as the ref gets back into the ring. Winners: A.J Styles & Daniels 8/10 Morgan was looking in the ring the whole time, so he knew that Angle hit the chair. After the match Morgan gets in the ring and apologizes to Angle. Angle is annoyed so he slaps Morgan. Morgan hulks up, Hellevator to Angle. Quick flash to World Elite who have Homicide and are walking to the Impact Zone. COMMERCIAL!! We’re back with World Elite who have Homicide in the ring. Eric Young gives Hernandez his last warning to come out. Hernandez races to the ring and clears it. Eric Young tries to come from behind with a chair but Hernandez blocks it and Eric bolts. Hernandez checks on Homicide who points to members of WE on the apron. Hernandez runs to fend them off when Homicide gets up, grabs the chair and nails Hernandez in the back. World Elite return to the ring and beat up Hernandez with various Double Team moves. Homicide shakes Eric Young’s hand and drapes the Mexican flag over Hernandez and celebrates with World Elite as TNA ends. Well. I hope that this is alright as my first and probably only TNA report! I hope you all enjoyed my work and please continue to support my Chaos Awards every Monday! I’m The Nemesis. You’ve been a reader. Views: 429 
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COMMENTS |
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Comment # 1
Stick to the chaos awards man there alot more fun to read :P but i do have to agree angle does like looking like a ghetto smurf wen he makes his way to the ring lol
Posted by J MASTER on Monday, September 14, 2009
Comment # 2
Have fun with the TNA reports Nemesis :D
Posted by Plague on Monday, September 14, 2009
Comment # 3
Yeaaah, stick to Choas awards. This really isn't your thing and yes I know you only got 5 hours to do it.
My varification code is racist: Black
Posted by Jonathan Simpson on Monday, September 14, 2009
Comment # 4
TNA continues to have the unpredictable energy I haven't seen since Mid-Atlantic and Georgia Championship Wrestling in the 80s. Even on lesser matches, 95% of the talent hits all the spots. This is the best wrestling available on Television to me. Even with the female wrestlers like Sarita, Daffney, Tara, and Kong, TNA has heart as if the people involved actually care about it unlike WWE. Tazz was the missing puzzle piece. If I had to choose one wrestling show a week, TNA would be the one.
Posted by Blue Demon Jr. on Monday, September 14, 2009
Comment # 5
definitely don't do anymore show reports! this was not good at all and I thought the matches were much better than u rated them!
Posted by shane on Monday, September 14, 2009
Comment # 6
really Nemesis, you do Chaos Awards much better.... but you were really right about Angle ...
Posted by Phenomenal AJ Styles on Monday, September 14, 2009
Comment # 7
I understand guys. I must apologize to everyone for this.
I understand that my work in articles can stick to my Chaos Awards cause that is definately what i'm used to. If I get to do the TNA article next week. I'll make it up to everyone.
I (censored) promise you that.
Posted by The Nemesis on Monday, September 14, 2009
Comment # 8
WTH? HOMICIDE NO! LAX is da best team ever. STUPID TNA WRITERS!
Posted by Jeff Sydal LAX on Monday, September 14, 2009
