Cullens Corner: A Sparkly Rant

    Good morning/evening/afternoon/whatever time it is where you live, folks. Welcome to Cullen’s Corner. I decided to give writing another stab, so what you’re reading now is the outcome of that venture. Obviously, I’m Chris Eli, or as you probably know me, Chris Legend. It’s been a good six months since my last edition of Cullen’s Corner, so some of you may not be too familiar with how I do things around here. Well, for those of you who ARE…forget everything you remember. I’m taking a new adventure down a fun new path.

Welcome to my Rant.

    That’s right. After mulling on it for a while, I decided to try something new. So, I’m going to be ranting for the next 1500 words. Let’s get this shindig started, shall we?

State of the WWE.

    Okay, let’s start with the obvious. WHO THE HELL THOUGHT THAT BRET HART WOULD MAKE A GOOD GM? Over 10 years ago, Bret Hart spits in Vince McMahon’s face, quits the WWE, joins the rival promotion, helps to be a deciding factor in the Monday Night Wars, talks some mad crap on WWE…and now WWE Creative thinks it is a good idea to put him as the GM of their flagship show? Oh but no! First, they had to have him win the US Title…only to strip it from him the next week…AND PUT IT ON R-TRUTH? I’ve got to say…that may be a worse decision that making Bret the GM. R-Truth…the only thing that guy is good for is an excuse to go use the crapper. He totally blows on the mic, has little to none in ring skill, and makes every person on the TNA roster seem like John Cena caliber talent. Come on, WWE. You’ve got loads of mid-card talent just WAITING to be tapped! And you stick the title on THIS GUY?! Why not put it on someone, like, oh, I don’t know…Matt Hardy! John Morrison! Ted DiBiase! We understand that you’re trying to push some new people, but you’ve totally forgotten about some of your old people, who never got a real push to begin with, like Hardy, or William Regal, or hell, even Golddust. These are the tried and true veterans of the WWE, who continue to do everything for nothing.

    Next subject of my rant. The WWE Draft. So, the WWE got a freaked out, because TNA “wasn’t a threat”. So, when the draft came around, they decided to move all of their big name stars to the show that was directly competing with TNA. Yeah, not a threat, my ass. Normally, this sounds like a good idea, right? Well, we all seemed to forget that WWE has a second show. Now, without all their big stars, Smackdown is left with…CM Punk…Undertaker…Big Show…and that’s it. And Undertaker is still on hiatus after WrestleMania with Shawn Michaels. So, you’ve got CM Punk, who’s been wasting his time trying to get the mask off of Rey Mysterio. After it was all said and done, Punk ends up getting his head shaved. Meanwhile, you’ve got the Big Show, who is sitting the World Title picture, trying to push Jack Thwagger off the throne.

    Okay, I’m going to take a short break from my rant. If you don’t care to hear nice things about something that is going on in the WWE, go use the toilet, or Nem, go get another Vanilla Coke.

    I’m quite…no, very happy that WWE gave Swagger a world title run. He is one of the few younger guys in the WWE who truly deserves it. He’s got excellent in-ring ability, he’s okay on the mic, and he draws some serious heat from a crowd. One of these days, he’s going to be the face of this company. Whenver John Cena, Randy Orton, Triple H, etc, all decide to retire, Jack Swagger is going to be there, to shine in all the glory he deserves. I’m going to go out on a bold limb here, and make a wild theory.

Jack Swagger will end Taker’s Mania streak.

    Get it? A bold limb? It was bold…yeah, never mind. It’s a strong theory, and many people will disagree with it. But, if you don’t like what I have to say…stop reading my article.

    Anyway, lets get back to the rant, shall we? Big Show is occupying his time trying to get the World Heavyweight Championship. Again, this goes back to an earlier part of my rant. Why is WWE trying to push the Big Show, after he’s been pushed, and pushed, and pushed, and pushed? Let’s some someone new in the World title scene. Me personally, I’d like to see Christian in the big picture. But, we all know that will never happen, just like Matt Hardy will never get a push. Or how about Kofi Kingston? Oh wait! That’s another topic of my rant. Kofi Kingston, Drew McIntyre, and the Intercontintal Championship. Okay, my first question here is simply: How does WWE Creative come up with storylines that are SO AWFUL! I mean, they must TRY to make crappy storylines, because there’s no way that you can make junk like this on accident! So, you’re telling me that Teddy Long FIRES Drew, strips him of the title, puts it on Kofi, only to have Drew re-instated and given the title back?! Good lord, none of this makes sense! And then to top it all off, the give the title BACK to Kofi at Over the Limit! Am I the only one who feels like Drew McIntyre is a waste of my TV space? To me, he is the Smackdown equivalent of R-Truth. Seriously. Drew comes on TV, that means it’s time to go take a crap. Speaking of crap, let’s talk about Superstars for a second. WWE Superstars sucks. That is all that needs to be said. I could go on all day about how awful it is, but quite frankly, it doesn’t deserve anymore of my words. So, I’ll move on to the my topic. WWE NXT. Okay, yeah. This is a great idea, and I like the concept of it. But, WWE has just done AWFUL with it! They take the BEST rookie on the show, and eliminate him first? Of course I’m talking about Daniel Bryan, or as we all know him, Bryan Danielson. They used him for a few weeks, then eliminated him, had him come back and own Michael Cole, and then leave again. Man, that was a GREAT use of an awesome star. On the note of great uses of awesome stars, what exactly has WWE been doing with John Morrison? Seriously! They’ve been practically jobbing him out in the tag division. Thank you TNA for moving to Monday night’s and screwing John Morrison out of his rightful place in the mid to upper card divisions. Also, what happened to the tag division? When did it suddenly become active again? All of the sudden, we have the Hart Dynasty as the tag champs, and several good tag teams waiting in line for contendership. My only gripe about the tag division is this: Hey WWE. A tag team should usually be two guys who work well together, and now each other fairly well. Not two random singles competitors thrown on a team and labeled as a tag team. AKA The Miz and Chris Jericho. Or Chris Jericho and Big Show. Take your pick, they both suck. WWE could use a major overhaul, to be exact. This PG rating is getting just plain lame. I mean, they stop a match for 5 minutes because someone has a cut on them, and they don’t want people to see the blood? That’s a waste. A total waste. Newsflash WWE: PEOPLE WANT TO SEE THE BLOOD! Yeah, we know it’s all fake, but honestly, we don’t care! Show us some blood, man! So, break out those razors, and go all emo on the superstars foreheads! For the love of ratings, listen to this ONE piece of advice! If you would listen to your fans every once and a while, you might not have to read things like this where people tear your show apart. Despite what you may think, Vince McMahon, us fans aren’t stupid. We do actually have a better idea of what we want to see than you do. Try asking sometime. We have plenty of suggestions for you.

Wow. Go figure. Listening to the fans. Who woulda thunk it? Apparently not the WWE. Big surprise there.

    Well, folks. That’s it. I’m done now. I’ve officially run out of hot air and angry words towards the WWE. I hope you’ve enjoyed this lovely rant, and if I ever get around to it, I’ve got plenty to say towards TNA as well. Just a small preview of my TNA Rant: SOMEONE PUSH HULK HOGAN OFF A CLIFF PLEASE!…that’s the general basis behind the whole TNA rant. And now, I bid thee all adieu. Thank you for reading Cullen’s Corner. I’m Chris Eli…and you’re not. Goodbye.

Comments

1. Comment #1

   Ok Mate, listen. I don't you why you have a problem with R-Truth having the US championship. I mean he is good in ring, just his finisher looks a bit strange, but I think he deserved a championship, not more than the Miz, but he deserved.
   
   Second, Big Show is great as face, this rivarly between Show and jack Swagger is good and red hot. Big Show is as face and he makes pretty funny statements. I especially Liked when BS told to wwe his accomplishments like "I knocked out JS two weeks ago". I mean. Show Vs. Swagger probably is the best rivarly for now ( I liekd CM vs. Mysterio as well). So I don't know what u were trying to prove here, but i quit reading in the middle, it was annoying.

   Posted by Bulldog on Thursday, June 03, 2010

2. Comment #2

   I think you don't see good things in WWE
   
   Btw, the Hart Dinasty started a new feud with this new tag team, The Uso Brothers or something.
   John Morrison is injured
   Ted DiBiase has the million dollar championship
   
   EVAN BOURNE RECEIVED A PUSH

   Posted by Rafa on Friday, June 04, 2010

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