Die In A Fire : Episode II

The following article is hate filled, insulting, and probably sensitive to our younger viewers. There may or may not be facts. There may or may not be reason. There may or may not be me giving a damn what you think. Due to the graphic nature of this article, viewer discretion is advised.

He's Tiny, he's 'fierce', he's completely freaking overrated! He's Rey Mysterio Jr! To all the 9 year old fans who wear the Luchadore masks without knowing anything about their heritage, while he is basically a cruel mockery of what he's supposed to represent. Was he always like this? Let's walk this path together, shall we?

Oscar Gutierrez's start (That's Rey's real name, by the way.) was actually an original Lucha Libre wrestler in his past. Even taking that history with him into his American wrestling career with his longtime rival Psicosis. Starting in AAA wrestling, he battled with Psicosis for nearly 3 years while learning his trade. Utilizing high flying, sling shotting, excessive spinning, and just the over the top moves that make Lucha Libre what it is, Oscar picked up quite a few tricks before eventually coming to the US. His first stop? ECW.

From 95 to 96, Oscar and Psicosis were recruited by Paul Heyman (a person whom I have mixed feelings for) to join his Extreme Championship Wrestling, and together ran an impressive program that culminated in a Mexican Death Match against Psicosis. This match was probably the best match ECW had seen all year. How could that be?

Simple. He's practically worked exclusively with this ONE guy his ENTIRE career. He needed a fellow Luchadore to make himself look good. At the time, both of these men had little to no mic skills (still don't...) so all they could do is flash. Apparently, that's all the WCW wanted themselves when they hired him.

WCW offered Psicosis and Oscar a job, which both snapped up in a heartbeat. Clearly being the only two to make each other look good, it was wise they stuck together. Even though Oscar's premier was against Dean Malenko (a loss, by the way) he would win the Cruiserweight title from him a few months later. Not too shabby right?

Over the next year or so, he would win and lose the Cruiserweight title a few times fighting Malenko, Ultimate Dragon, and also Chris Jericho! Chris Jericho would fight Oscar and go over the top to mask Rey's first injury. Oh, there'll be more. Oh yes. PLENTY more. Jericho found a nearby toolbox and 'beat his knee' to cover up Oscar's first 6 month knee injury.

He came back to a WCW that was about to change and make him sad! Aww! Poor guy. nWo was picking up steam, and eventually found himself embroiled in a racially charged storyline. Eddie Guerrero and his LWO (Latino World Order) tried to recruit Oscar, but he resisted for a while before eventually losing to Eddie and being forced to join. Of course, as soon as he's in, he LOVES it. The nWo eventually demanded that he take off those lousy colors, and when he refused (I didn't want in, but now that I am, NEVER!!!) they beat him down and got the Mask Vs. Hair match.

Yes. Oscar's Mask Vs. the nWo's hair. Guess what? Oscar LOST. Unmasked! Oh no! He whined and cried about this backstage, rather than keeping his principals and just ditching WCW. If the mask was SO important to him and his past, why didn't he just leave and go somewhere else? If it's the love of wrestling, then it's a clear choice. Oh, that's right, He needs his cash.

Then, while complaining about the loss of his mask, he complains about not being pushed by Eric Bischoff. So, lemme get this straight, you lose your mask, you know you're not getting pushed... WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?

He would cry and whine about this until WCW went backrupt. Lucky jerk. After a year or two of going through independent Mexican circuits, he was asked by WWE if he'd like a crapload of money. Yes. Of course he said yes. His past tells you he doesn't care about wrestling, he cares about accolades and cash.

The year is 2002, and promos advertising him got his ego all aflutter. The WWE kissed his ass (as they do all potential new "talent") and put him against a very capable Kurt Angle. Guess who made those matches look good? Angle. Then, to keep the pressure off of Oscar's knee, they opt to put him in a tag scenario with Edge. Guess who carried the team then? Edge. In fact, Edge carried it SO WELL they he would go from there to be a CONSTANT contender for some sort of belt. Meanwhile, Oscar languished in the midcard he dreaded from his days in the WCW. More crying and whining happened.

Then, to shut his annoying ass up, they gave him the Cruiserweight title. Yes, the very title that stuck him in the midcard position back in WCW. Why was this better than over there? Was it Bischoff? Was is that now the WWE probably hired a day care worker to make sure Oscar's juice box was always full? Well, eventually, the juice ran low and he would lose and win this belt 8 times before they just stopped it. Clearly, him with a Cruiserweight championship belt was boring. What could they do to spice things up, while still keeping Oscar from crying all around backstage?

More money? This might have worked, had 9 year olds not bought every 'Rey Rey Mask' ever created. More high profile bouts? No no, he would have just injured his knees even more than when he [Content withheld due to extremely disstasteful content]. Knee pads people. Knee pads.

No, instead they figured, why the crap not, let's see how badly he screws up our Heavyweight Championship race instead. I mean, without a true competitor to the WWE at the time, they could afford to 'make huge mistakes.'

He wins the 2006 Royal Rumble and wins his first heavyweight title at WM22. He held onto that belt for a while, a slap in the face to all the WCW people who were employed by the WWE at the time who had to listen to his whining. Eventually, it was Booker T (another HUGE crybaby) and Chavo (Remember him?) who forced him to lose his belt. Guess what ended their rivalry? A knee injury! OH THE IRONY!

It took him almost a YEAR to get over this knee injury. When you need to take a year off of work, you should just retire. Oh no! That would stop him from his constant need for the love of screaming pre-teens. (It has not been confirmed if Oscar owns a windowless van to 'sign autographs' for his younger fans) No, he was only 33 at the time! He's lost nearly three years of his career due to injuries. Alas, this was not the time for Oscar to sit back on his laurels! It was time for ACTION!

This action lasted about 7 months before his next injury. This one would be a surprise though, as it was to his bicep injury. I know, it wasn't his knee this time! Don't worry, this one only took him out for 6 months. I guess working half a year and then taking half a year off is good for you. An excellent example to everyone that hard work is only hard if you cry the entire time.

Yes, it was during this part of time I stopped caring about Oscar.  Cruiserweight champion (or at least in contention for it) for a considerable amount of time during the Attitude/Invasion era, he found himself constantly crying about not being pushed whenever he wasn't in the spotlight. Of course, when he gets the spotlight, he either injures himself or whoever he's fighting. Who? Let's go into his Injury Schedule!

Self Injuries (That I care to remember. Probably more):
January 1998 - Out for 6 Months
October 1999 - Out for 5 Months
Summer 2006 - Out for 11 Months
February 2008 - Out for 4 months
August 2009 - Drug Violation for Knee Injuries, dropped title for it

Caused Injuries (That I'm aware of. There are certainly more...)
Undertaker - (HAH! Deserved it!) - May 28th 2010 - Taken out for two months.

I'd care to look more, but honestly, who cares? This tiny dude with Napoleon-like issues, demanding people pay attention to his whining ass, his injuries, and his clear desire for money rather than wrestling 'excellence'. I have the following to say to you.

Oscar 'Rey Mysterio Jr.' Gutierrez, Die In A Fire.

If you'd like to nominate someone to Die In A Fire, please reply to this here post and I'll be happy to consider it. So far, front runners include HHH, Jeff Hardy, and Hulk Hogan. Bret Hart had even been tossed around too.

So, until the next time I feel like finishing one of these... Leave me the hell alone. Seriously, I kinda hate you.

Comments

1. Comment #1

   dude can you one about hulk and superman cena

   Posted by darksabu on Thursday, September 02, 2010

2. Comment #2

   How can you have a die in a fire series and NOT have Ric Flair?

   Posted by Jesse Jack Cash on Saturday, September 04, 2010

3. Comment #3

   lol its funny how geeks on the computer criticize wrestlers who have reached the top and they only support those who never get a push like John Morrison or Evan Bourne but as soon as Evan becomes the next Rey and John becomes a main eventer you will all hate him to........lol
   
   Have you all seen your list..
   
   HHH
   Jeff Hardy
   Hulk Hogan
   Rey Mysterio
   Undertaker
   Bret Hart
   John Cena
   
   What do all these have in common they all got pushed by WWE or TNA
   
   So that next 2 candidates for this list using your logic would be
   
   Kane a former jobber but who has now reach the top so you have to hate him.
   
   Rob Van Dam a damn good wrestler who reached the top in TNA took it from the beloved TNA face AJ Styles so you must hate him as well.
   
   LOL this list seems based more on hatred on those have have succeed in the wrestling industry

   Posted by Damn idiots on Saturday, September 04, 2010

4. Comment #4

   To 'Damned Idiots' - Die in a Fire is an opinionated article. It is the opinion of me (the author) as to why these people should DIAF. I actually don't mind the push, so long as they take it with grace and aren't dickbags. For instance, I'd do on one Orton long before I'd do one on A.J. Styles.
   
   But RVD is 'old hat', but not as bad as Sting or even a THIRD as bad a Ric Flair. No, DIAF is mostly about people who earned the spotlight, but then were too damned selfish to share it and stay in it WELL beyond their time.
   
   That should explain why I haven't done Hornswoggle. >_>

   Posted by Madam Snapshot on Sunday, September 05, 2010

Leave a comment