ECW Report: 2/5/2008

Pre-show runthrough:  Last week CM Punk let us all know he wasn’t done with Chavo Guerrero, infiltrating Chavo’s championship celebration as ~MARIACHI PUNK!!! and laying him out.  Punk also got a win last week, we’ll see how that storyline continues rolling as it’s starting to look like the WWE wants these two to still be feuding by Wrestlemania.  In other news, Tommy Dreamer saved Colin Delaney from the tag team champions, look for that angle to get some push tonight.  Kofi Kingston kept rolling against another jobber and Shelton Benjamin got himself counted out against Kane.  Elijah Burke, much to my distress, re-debuted and immediately jobbed out to Punk again.  I’m really not kidding, when I heard Elijah’s music hit I immediately got the sad panda face.  I’m praying they’ll have a better role for Elijah…TONIGHT!

(Opening song)

Joey Styles welcomes us to the show, taking place this week in Corpus Christi, TX.  He’s already whoring the HD again, yes, we’ve heard about it, Joey.

Punk is out, sadly not dressed as Mariachi Punk.  He has got jeans on, which is a nice look for him.  Punk reminds us of Chavo’s fiesta last week, and says he hated to miss a good party, so he invited himself.  Video package of last week’s main event segment.  Punk laughs and says he could watch that all day.  He hopes Chavo has enjoyed being champion, because he’s invoking his rematch clause right now!

Chavo is out, and unlike your average heel is quite unafraid to hit the ring and stand face to face with Punk.  Chavo calls Punk a crazy mariachi guy and Punk says maybe THAT’S what CM stands for.  Chavo says Punk has insulted his heritage and calls Punk loco.  There will be no rematch tonight, but it will be at No Way Out.  But tonight, Chavo says that he will embarrass Punk.  Estrada is on the tron, standing by the harbor.  Tonight, Punk will face Guerrero in the first ever extreme rules Gulf of Mexico match.  This is not going to end well.

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Layla and Kelly start out, Layla works the arm.  Kelly does her rope-assisted flipout and hits Layla with an armdrag which interestingly Layla actually bothered to sell pretty hard.  Kelly botches a handspring elbow.  Didn’t they learn their lesson last time they let her try a handspring move in the corner?  McCool is in and hits a rolling neck snap.  Victoria tags herself in and Michelle hits chops and a rana, but Vic comes back with a chop block and hair pull.  Round kick by Michelle and Kelly comes back in for a crossbody.  Tilt-a-whirl headscissors by Kelly, but Victoria pops right back up and hits the Widow’s Peak for the pin.

Not a horrible match, Victoria did her best to match last week’s effort, but the whole thing was a bit slow, and while I have no problems per se with pushing Kelly, at some point she’s going to have to learn to wrestle if she’s gong to be pushed as a wrestler. Match Rating: 2.9/10

We get highlights from Kane vs. Shelton last week.  I’m still not at all happy with the ending.  It does give Shelton an actual feud, though, so I understand it at least.  Anyways, they announce Shelton will face Kane on Smackdown.

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Morrison and Miz are out.  Sweet Jesus, what is Miz wearing?  I don’t care if it’s February, you have to be a ridiculously huge tool to wear a scarf indoors in Corpus Christi.  Dreamer is out and Delaney is with him, sporting even more bandages from Miz and Morrison’s attack last week.

Dreamer quickly goes to the headlock, then gets a shoulder block off the ropes.  He hits two high-angle hip tosses.  Morrison retaliates with knees and punches in the corner.  Dreamer and Morrison run a weird pattern off the ropes, I though for a second Morrison was trying to hit the Pounce but Dreamer hits a bulldog.  Morrison hits a gorgeous rope-assisted dropkick to knock Dreamer out of the ring.  Morrison hits the breakdance legdrop, then locks in a chokehold.  Morrison hits a backbreaker, then a neckbreaker.  Dreamer dodges the corkscrew moonsault to regain control.  He hits something resembling a flapjack, then a clothesline with the patented Morrison flip sell.  Dreamer goes for the E-C-W tree of woe headbutt, but Miz provides the distraction.  Dreamer hits a reverse DDT instead, then dropkicks Miz off the apron.  Morrison has recovered by now, though, and nails the corkscrew neckbreaker for the win.  Dreamer sold that better than Delaney did last week.

Even as big of a Dreamer fan as I am, I’m okay with this, because in the grand scheme of things Morrison means a lot more to ECW than does Tommy right now.  As for the in-ring action, it was extremely solid.  Both of these guys are excellent wrestlers when they can get in, hit their spots, and get out, and that’s what this was.  Morrison again shows that he’s becoming one of the most innovative young wrestlers in a long time, he seems to pull out something new and interesting every match and his selling is top-notch.

Joey Styles interviews Stevie Richards, who explains that he’s had another neck surgery.  He says that this is his ninth one.  Next week, he returns to the ring to show everyone he’s still got it.

I like Richards, but they didn’t have room on the program to make him matter last time they tried to push him, and I really doubt things will be any different this go-around.  And if he returns against Punk, then I quit.

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Curtis takes quick control with a headlock and shoulder block.  He comes off the ropes but Kofi nips up and hits an armdrag into an armbar.  Tazz references the ‘ever-big Texas’, which made me chuckle.  Kofi flips through an armdrag attempt, then hits two of his own and back to the armbar.  Curtis counters into an armwringer and a wristlock.  Kofi leaps onto the apron while still in the hold, then somersaults back into the ring and hits another armdrag.  He’s obviously dipped deep into Jericho’s 1004 holds for this match.  Kofi hits a flying back elbow, the double leg drop, and leaps to the top rope for some punches.  Buzzsaw enziguiri ends it as usual.

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We get introductions for the Gulf of Mexico match…in the ring.  Go figure. 

CM Punk vs. ECW Champion Chavo Guerrero (Non-title; Extreme Rules; Gulf of Mexico Match)

Punk immediately throws Chavo out of the ring.  Chavo gets the irish whip into the steel steps, then punches Punk over the barrier.  We get some nondescript brawling in the crowd with mediocre camera work.  Chavo viciously sets Punk on the barrier.  I think he meant to drop him from a little higher there, heh heh.  Punk hits a suplex and drags Chavo out the door.  Joey still can’t believe we’re witnessing this.  Me neither, buddy.  We then sit there for a full minute waiting for the cameras to catch up with Punk and Chavo.  Punk is laying into Chavo in the parking lot, they nearly get run over and then Chavo throws Punk into the honking car.  Punk kicks Guerrero into the cameraman and we go to…

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Wouldn’t it be awesome if they came back from break and Chavo was already in the Gulf?  It would probably be the best ending they could come up with.

Punk hits knees to Chavo and returns the earlier favor by scoop slamming and back body dropping him onto a parked car.  Chavo comes back with punches and throws him over the road barrier onto the beach.  Picnickers in the background just sit there for half a minute, then wander away.  Chavo throws a cooler at Punk.  It was empty, sadly.  It would have been a lot better if it was full of ice.  They battle to the edge of the gulf.  Chavo hits a kick and tries to suplex Punk into the ocean, but Punk floats over, hits the GTS, and Chavo jumps into the gulf out of shame.

With no commentary at all, the show ends.  You know what?  Garbage. Match rating: 1.4/10

Overall Analysis:  

We started out with promos which were about set to kick us off on a fine little show…until they led to the Gulf of Mexico match.  There’s not much other way to say it, it flat out sucked.  There were no interesting spots, the camera work was shoddy, the interactions with the surroundings were contrived, all in all, the entire match was poorly thought out.  I didn’t expect it to be good, but it completely blew me away with its blandness.  That was, simply put, the worst TV main event match I have seen in a long, long time.

The rest of the show wasn’t much better.  Kingston’s match was his worst yet because it was so slow-paced.  The ladies match was also much, much worse than their encounter last week.  The bright spot of this show was Morrison vs. Dreamer, which was expected considering how awesome Morrison is, but I think it still managed to surpass expectations.  Other than that, we got more video packages, which they’ve really been overdoing the last month or so on ECW.  Whose bright idea was it to bring Burke back, job him out immediately, and then pretend he doesn’t exist the next week?  I’m getting fed up with Elijah’s hard luck when it comes to booking.  Also, we only got ten minutes of WRESTLING action on a one-hour show.  And yes, I am calling a Kelly Kelly match wrestling while refusing to do so for a CM Punk match.  A bit depressing, but that seemed to be the theme tonight.

Overall Show Grade: D

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