ECW Report for 12/15/09

Good day to you, I’m Sommerlund, and I'll be reporting on ECW this week!

ECW is live in Laredo, Texas!!!

Segment #1: Opening

The show opens with Tiffany (who in my opinion looks like Kelly Kelly’s mother) in the ring, praising the ladder match between Shelton Benjamin and Christian at TLC. She introduces both of them to the ring, and Christian makes an ever so slow entrance… Ugh. When they are all finally in the ring, I find out that this is a thanking segment… *Shudder* Shelton says that he was proud of that match but because he fell short, says: “Hey, let’s do it again…”

Out comes Master Regal to interrupt the babyface party… Regal first mocks Tiffany’s voice, then criticizes her decision for bringing Kane back to ECW, in which Tiffany counters by saying that Kane was a former ECW champion, and he was invited to ECW to introduce a new concept, called the ECW Homecoming, which was to get former ECW stars to face ECW superstars of today. The winner will receive then receive a championship match against Christian at the Rumble. Two matches, Zack Ryder versus Kane and Vladimir Kozlov versus Ezekiel Jackson, is then announced.

Segment Rating:  C-

Not the best segment I’ve seen, definitely, it wasn’t too good, but not bad either.

Match #1: The Hurricane vs The Ripper (w/ The Beautiful Nightmare)

The two begin with a lock up. Ripper goes to a belly to back position, and they move to the corner. The referee breaks them up, and they’re locked up again. Headlock by Hurricane, and Ripper shoots him off the ropes. Hurricane lands a futile shoulder block, off the ropes, rolls through a Ripper clothesline and lands an arm drag. Ripper is back up on his feet, lands a knee and tosses Hurricane out of the ring. Hurricane tries to get back up but is hit by a Baseball Slide. Ripper exits the ring and lands some sort of a Back Suplex on Hurricane on the barricade. Ripper gets back in, and nails a Suplex on The Hurricane from the apron in. Ripper gets a two count. Ripper gets a headlock in but Hurricane lands a few blows and escapes the hold. Ripper shoots Hurricane off the ropes, and is hit with a Running Crossbody for a one count. Ripper lands a clothesline. Two stomps for a one count. A Scoop Slam by Ripper, who then proceeds to take ages to get to the top rope, and is met with a Haymaker on his way down. Hurricane lands some sort of a Running Neckbreaker. Three punches are landed, and the Hurricane is sent to the corner after a reversal. Ripper charges to the corner but is met with a Back Elbow Smash. Hurricane with a Second Rope Rana for a two count. Hurricane attempts a Shining Wizard but does not connect, and is hit with a neck/backbreaker. Two count for Ripper. European Uppercut to Hurricane and he is sent to the corner. Ripper charges and gets a boot to his face. And Hurricane with a sweet looking Tornado DDT, then unmasks The Ripper to reveal Paul Burchill under the mask!! (Duh) And Hurricane with a Shining Wizard!! One, Two, Three!!

Winner: The Hurricane

Segment Rating: C+

Not the best showing from these two, but not bad a match at all.

Raw Rebound

Segment #2: Backstage Interview

The Burchills are backstage, upset after being defeated once again. They are met by Gregory Helms. Paul throws a kiddie tantrum and walks off. Helms does as well… With his cape under his suit.

Segment Rating: N/A

That wasn’t much.

Segment #3: Abraham Washington Show

Tony Atlas introduces all of us to the show, and Abe himself. Abe gets  boos immediately, then begins with complaining about how he lost the Breakout Superstar of the Year Slammy. He goes on to brag on how great he is by being able to win all the Slammys, including Tag Team of the Year. Tony then says he could have won Diva of the Year as well, and I laughed at that.

He introduces Maria, who comes with her Slammy. Abe conducts his interview, speaking first of Batista interrupting Maria’s acceptance speech.

KANYE SPOOF FTW!!!

Abe speaks on how embarrassing it must have been, but Maria counters by saying the at least she won a Slammy.

“I got robbed!” – Abe

“You didn’t get robbed; I’ve seen your show!” – Maria

“It stinks! AHAHAHA! AHAHAHA!” – Tony

Man I love Tony Atlas.

Maria then mocks Abe by holding her Slammy, and invites Tony to hold it. Abe then wants to hold it, but isn’t allowed…

“Maybe next year… When you win one?” – Maria

“Maybe next year when I win one…” – Abe

“I doubt it!” – Tony

“You know what I doubt, Tony? I doubt you gonna have a job after this show; that’s what I doubt” – Abe

I still love Tony.

Abe then states that he voted for Michelle McCool, and that he was glad that Batista interrupted Maria.

Oh yay! The show’s over!

Segment Rating: C

This wasn’t too bad I guess. I kinda enjoyed this show, especially Tony’s lines.

Zack Ryder vs Kane promo

Match #2: Vladimir Kozlov (w/ William Regal) vs Ezekiel Jackson (ECW Homecoming Qualifying Match)

The two colossal men stare each other down, and Jackson starts with shoving Kozlov’s face. Kozlov retaliates with a knee and a clubbing blow to the back. Jackson back in the fight with a Middle Kick followed up by two Forearm Shots and a Scoop Slam. Kozlov is up and is hit with another. Up again, and it’s three Scoop Slams in a row. Jackson stares down Regal, who clearly is on Kozlov’s side, but is shoved down by The Moscow Mauler. Kozlov lands three Elbow Drops and gets a two count. Kozlov strikes Jackson in the chest with three headbutts, and dashes to the ropes. As he springs off the ropes, William Regal grabs Kozlov’s legs and trips him!! Jackson picks him up and lands a Uranage and gets a three count.

Winner: Ezekiel Jackson

Segment Rating: D-

Was way too short and I expected more but hey… This is WWE we’re talking about.

After the match, Regal celebrates with Jackson. As they walk up the ramp, Regal remembers his coat in the ring and goes to get it. I thought that this was a mistake but Regal but hey… Look! It’s Kozlov!

HOW CAN YOU NOT BE AFRAID OF RUSSIANS AFTER WATCHING ORPHAN?!?!?!?!?!

ESTHER’S BADASS!!!!!!11ONEONEONE!!

Kozlov chokes Regal and screams at him in Russian, but Big Zeke comes back to make the save. A clubbing blow by Jackson sends Kozlov down and together with Regal, they toss The Moscow Mauler into the commentary table, leaving him down and out. Together, they walk off… Who doesn’t like a good man-on-man date…

Backstage, we see Trent Barreta and Caylen Croft backstage playing Smackdown vs Raw 2010 against D-Generation X. They brag an easy win over their jobber opponents tonight, and together, they head to the ring.

DID YOU KNOW?

Last Tuesday more people watched ECW than any program on Bravo, SpikeTV, VH1 and MTV.

Match #3: Trent Barreta and Caylen Croft vs Julio Cruz and Jorge Arias

Trent Barreta and Julio Cruz start off the match with a lock up then a knee from Barreta, followed by a forearm blow. Barreta sends Cruz off the ropes and Cruz ducks a clothesline and lands a Dropkick. Croft distracts Cruz, which allowed Barreta time to recover and hit a Chop Block. Kick to the back of Cruz and Barreta works on the leg. Croft tagged in now, and they land a Double Knee Breaker. More offense on the leg and Barreta back in. Barreta charges to Cruz at the corner, but is met by a boot then a nicely executed Spinning Wheel Kick. Cruz struggling to get the tag because of his injured leg, and Barreta stops his efforts and knocks Arias off the apron. Barreta with a kick to the chest of Cruz, and Croft is back in. They land a double team Powerbomb/Neckbreaker and Croft gets the pin.

Winners: Trent Barreta and Caylen Croft

Segment Rating: D+

Well, it was a squash jobber match… Nice finishing maneuver, and I hope to see Barreta and Croft work better and proper matches in the near future. Trent Barreta also looks kinda like Frankie Kazarian to me… But ehh, who cares about my opinions. On to the next segment.

Segment #4: Backstage Talk

Goldust speaks on how the crowd was too sensitive on his jokes on RAW during the Slammys, and congratulates Yoshi Tatsu on his victory on RAW. They meet Kane, Yoshi is scared, spits out some words in Japanese and Goldust tries to cover up for him. Kane walks away.

Segment Rating: N/A

Not much there so no rating needed.

Match #4: Kane vs Zack Ryder (w/ Rosa Mendes) [ECW Homecoming Qualifying Match]

The match begins with Ryder evading a punch and landing some blows of his own. Kane lands a big punch, and Ryder is out of the corner. And Vintage Kane with a Throat Thrust to Zack Ryder!! Kane with a snapmare, off the ropes and lands a kick to the face of Ryder. One count for Kane. Ryder whipped off to the corner and stops Kane’s offense with a boot to the face of Kane. Ryder attempts a Diving Crossbody, but is caught in midair by Kane, who slams Ryder down. Kane springs off the ropes and misses an Elbow Drop. Ryder’s turn off the ropes now, and lands a Dropkick to the head. Blows to the head of Kane and Ryder locks in a Headlock. Kane gets on his feet and lands a Back Suplex. Kane with a Big Boot to Ryder, then whips him off into the turnbuckle and smashes him with a Clothesline. Kane attempts a Sidewalk Slam, Ryder rolls through, is caught in a Chokeslam attempt but hangs on to the ropes. Ryder stops Kane’s attempt with an elbow, and ducks Kane’s boot to get him hung up on the rope. Ryder back on the offense with two kicks to the leg. Ryder now begins to work on the left leg of Kane. Ryder is kicked off by Kane but is back on the offense with a clubbing blow and pushes his knee onto Kane’s face against the rope. Lots of “WATCHA!”s by Ryder but Kane fights back with a Toe Kick. Kane with another punch, but Ryder retaliates and begins working on the leg once again. Kane stops Ryder’s offense with a throat thrust and another and another. Ryder is whipped off the ropes, ducks a clothesline and hits a Dropkick to the knee of Kane. Ryder off the ropes with a Running Fame Asser for a two. Ryder attempts a Roughryder but is caught in a Powerbomb position. He gets off with a few punches, but is then caught in a Chokeslam and Kane gets the win.

Winner: Kane

Segment Rating: C+

I quite liked this match, but it definitely could be better. I’ve seen Kane and Ryder work better matches, so this was a bit of a letdown.

End of show.

Show Rating: C-

Not the best edition of ECW I’ve seen. Most people would say “ECW Sucks”… I don’t believe that. ECW have had some good episodes recently. All they need to do is book the right talent against each other. Burchill vs Hurricane needs to go on, as I personally love the matches they do together. Squash jobber matches need to go.

Well, that’s all from me.

Consider yourself de…

Wait no, that’s ripping off someone.

I really need a good closing line…

Well, I’ve been Sommerlund. Pleasure writing to the internet.

Comments

1. Comment #1

   DvH gets comment 1, and maybe a raise in salary? :D ... :( It was worth a try...Awesome article!

   Posted by DvH on Sunday, December 20, 2009

2. Comment #2

   Thanks for the mini-shout out at the end there ;)
   
   I'll hopefully be able to make a return article-wise soon but I've had way too many assignment deadlines recently to get any fun writing done
   
   Good job anyway, maybe a bit harsh on the squash rating, I reckon this Barreta-Croft team might be pretty useful. How you can give Abraham Washington almost the best rating on the show though... I couldn't even watch that whole segment

   Posted by The General on Sunday, December 20, 2009

3. Comment #3

   nice job Sommer
   enjoyed it and its the same i dont hate ECW i Love ECW!
   And tiffany Kelly kelly's mom lol nice

   Posted by Cm-14 Xtremezt on Sunday, December 20, 2009

4. Comment #4

   Very intresting article with awesome "wrestlinggame style" match reports.
   
   I always enjoy watching Kane fight but The Big Red Machine needs to oil up its gears soon before he ends up on TNA(heh... no offence to TNA fans but we all know its true)

   Posted by The Rabid Wolverine on Sunday, December 20, 2009

5. Comment #5

   Comment #1 - I've already given you a raise :P
   
   Comment #2 - I see... Well, hope to see you write again. I've loved reading your articles. As for the Abraham Washington Show... I kinda enjoyed that show :P

   Posted by Sommerlund on Monday, December 21, 2009

6. Comment #6

   Tony is the best part of that damn Abe-Wash-in-the-hole show. I just wish there was more wrestling than talking these days.
   @Comment #4, the day someone like Kane, someone who spent the majority of their wrestling career in the WWE, moves to TNA is when you know something's up with the business. Eh, what do I know?

   Posted by F5inator on Monday, December 21, 2009

7. Comment #7

   YOUR WELCOME, SOMMERLUNCH!

   Posted by Phenom The Vampire Lord on Monday, December 21, 2009

8. Comment #8

   Sommer-to-the-lund.

   Posted by Frosty The Hairy Snowman. on Thursday, December 24, 2009

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