Heart of a Phighter: Predictions and Rankings

Heart of a Phighter
This week, Phighter tells you who is going to be picked at the two matches already announced for Cyber Sunday, writes about how hard predictions are to make, and ranks the best WWE Superstars since the Royal Rumble. Note - Phighter used the Superstars the WWE Website's "Create your own Power Rankings" provided.

By the way, Phan Topics accidentally got deleted. Sorry.

Results from PPV Previews so far, courtesy of Curtis Kash
1. Curtis Kash - 16
2. The Glide - 13
2. Indy - 13
4. Akira - 11
4. Philly – 11

Look, I'm tied with Akira! This is going to be a better sports miracle than Rocky AND The 'Milan Miracle!'

Predictions are hard. No lie. Especially when they're going to be posted on the internet where maybe 500 people will read them. If you're one of those people who put out an application to write like I am, particpate in the PPV Preview. Credit to Jester, even though he got made into the new joke. "DQ in a Ladder Match". Don't worry, Jester, it will go away.

Now to the somewhat important part of the article

Chris Jericho vs. Batista
I hope they use this to establish Jericho, and give Batista time off. No matter how many times I steal coworkers' phones to hit "HBK" it's not going to work. If Shawn Michaels, Heart Break Kid, Has Been Kid, whatever you want to call him, was voted in I would have said Batista is going to win the championship.

But that's not the case.

Stone Cold is going to be voted in due to the low IQ of our fans who just want to see Stone Cold.

Jericho is going to win his match.

Santino vs. A Legend
I see this as Santino getting his title removed from him, no matter who the legend is. We have the Honky Tonk Man, Roddy Piper, and Goldust to pick from. Yes, Goldust. I'm sure you forgot about him. The fan is going to pick Piper, but there's been multiple people who want 'Tonk, and there's one person who wants Val Venis? Whatever.

I would love to see 'Tonk in this match. You know why? I've never seen a Honky Tony Man match. Before you scream, read on in the article and I'll get back to this.

Goldust - who cares?

Roddy Piper will be voted in just because he's Roddy Piper. Same reason as Stone Cold. Hopefully they move the belt off of Santino, have Piper lose it to a super heel (like when he and Flair lost the World Tag to Rated-RKO), and then retire again.

Roddy Piper wins the Intercontinental Championship.

Yes, I've never seen a Honky Tonk Man match
I came on to the wrestling scene back during JBL's uber reign, leading to Cena taking it from him at Mania. I was channel-flipping and I came across it. Not everybody is the guy who's been a fan for sixteen years, has this piece of merchandise, remembers how good this guy was, and hates WWE type of marks. I'm an 'it comes from the heart, with censoring from the brain' mark, hence why these articles are called Heart of a Phighter.

I never had a guy say, hey, watch this match from the Honky Tonk Man. I've heard about Hogan slamming Andre. I get the general idea. I get that 'Taker was good in his American gimmick, do I care for him to return? No. He's getting something everyone else gets - and that's getting old.

Whatever. Back to my article. I'll write more on this when I think of it. Or I get thirty messages in my inbox saying,

Speaking of getting old
Victoria's thinking of retiring. I've been wanting her to retire, since she's been working the female non-Italian Santino Marella role for about two and a half years. Like I've said, I can't stand comedy segments unless they're really funny.

Top 25 since Royal Rumble
WWE Magazine did a little something like this, I've decided to copy and paste in order, using the superstars provided at their ranking tool, who's 1-25 and give reasoning.

#25 Santino Marella (WWE - 25)
+Beth Phoenix
+Intercontinental Championship
-Losing nearly every match before getting sent into this push
-Remember Cousin Sal?

I hate this guy. I've made this clear multiple times. Beth Phoenix and the Intercontinental Championship are good, but being made into the jobber of a celebrity's cousin (not even a celeb, the celeb's cousin), and losing everything else, well, I can't say I like this guy at all, and that he's only on here because he won a belt.

#24 Ted DiBiase (WWE - 24)
+Cody Rhodes
-Mic skills
+2 World Tag Team Championships

Team Priceless has been doing great as of late, but it's late for DiBiase to make enough of an impact. He'll be higher, next time I write this probably, but that isn't for a long while. He beat Cena and Batista and Hardcore Holly for the championships.

#23 Zack Ryder (WWE - 19)
+Curt Hawkins
+/- La Famila
+WWE Tag Team Championship
Lame superstars who won gold and were pushed for some stupid reason. They can't talk, act, or wrestle.

#22 Curt Hawkins (WWE - 20)
+Zack Ryder
+/- La Famila
+WWE Tag Team Championship
See Zack Ryder.

#21 Cody Rhodes (WWE - 15)
+3 World Tag Team Championships
+Ted DiBiase
-Hardcore Holly
+/- Getting slapped too much

I don't know whether to see getting slapped so much as a bad or a good thing. 3 World Tag Team Championships are impressive, even if you did have to beat just one guy to win one. Even if you betrayed that guy at a PPV, as he was your tag partner. Even if..you removed one of the guys who was an okay wrestler, but I miss anyway. He beat Cena and Batista and Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch for the other two.

#20 Chavo Guerrero (WWE - 21)
+La Famila
+ECW Championship
-WM24

Face it, he's fun to hate. He plays his character good, he just has no where to go, except being a jobber to big guys while huddling around Vickie Guerrero.

#19 The Great Khali (WWE - 16)
+Hmm..height?
+Translator
-What have you done this year?

He's kind of dominant, except his opponents that he has won against have been lackluster. Not my favorite superstar, on here just because he wins, and that WWE had him as one of the people I have to pick.

#18 Shelton Benjamin (WWE - 11)
+US Championship
+New gimmick
-Lacking mic skills
+New finisher

He'd be an all-around package if he could talk. That's why he gets only #18. Next time I write this he'll either be off it altogether, or somewhere like #12. He needs to learn how to speak on a microphone.

#17 Kofi Kingston (WWE - 8)
+Fun to watch
-No good feuds
+Intercontinential Championship
+Won Match of the Night at Night of Champions

He's fun to watch with his 'controlled frenzy'. I hate quoting Michael Cole, but he's good enough that I'll mind. He had the match of the night at NoC, even if HBK had to be a run-in to make it happen. He's here to stay, too.

#16 Mark Henry (WWE - 5)
+ECW Championship
+Tony Atlas
-Bending things

Mark Henry bending things looks oh so scary..kiss your replica ECW Championship, Mark, as that's the only reason you're high at all. Otherwise you're like #40.

#15 JBL (WWE - 18)
+His energy drink
-What's a win?
+Main event status on the A show
+Multiple title shots
-Stock market
+Defeated Superman in a Parking Lot Brawl

Yeah, he defeated Superman, came out with an energy drink, has main event status on the A show, and multiple title shots. The problem is I can't remember his last win before/after Superman.

#14 John Cena (WWE - 7)
+Superman
+Royal Rumble Winner
-Injury
-Lost Wrestlemania 24 RAW Main Event
+World Tag Team Championship

His injury has done him no justice, and he didn't come up big in any of his title shots. #14 for Superman, probably closer to his normal #2 spot next time.

#13 Kane (WWE - 10)
+WM24
+ECW Championship
-What's a win?

Kane has been a victim of his losses. He was dominant, and now he's Rey Mysterio's latest big guy to be an underdog to.

#12 The Miz (WWE - 23)
+John Morrison
+Dirt Sheet
+WWE Tag Team Championship
I can't say a negative thing about him, except he needs to become bigger as an entertainer. A 'moment' to cement him as a top superstar, is what I mean.

#11 John Morrison (WWE - 22)
+The Miz
+Dirt Sheet
+WWE Tag Team Championship
See The Miz.

#10 Matt Hardy (WWE - 9)
+US Championship
+ECW Championship
-Entertainment

Wow, Matt Hardy didn't do anything bad this year, unlike his brother. Yet his brother his higher, (both on this chart and in..let's not go there), seems like he needs to pick up his entertainment skills.

#9 Randy Orton (WWE - 14)
+WM24 RAW Main Event Winner
+WWE Championship
-Injuries

Those things, known as injuries, have kept Superman and Orton out of the top five. You can't really do anything about them, either. Orton was a great WWE Champion, until he lost it to inflate Triple H's ego, and then broke his collarbone during the rematch. Then he reinjured it on a motorcycle. Oh well.

#8 CM Punk (WWE - 2)
+World Heavyweight Championship
+Money in the Bank
-Never doing anything to earn credit for those accomplishments

Let's face it. Punk won the most lackluster Money in the Bank, and then he never cleanly defended his championship. He was a World champion, and a Money in the Bank, so that gives him some credit. But he also gave us the oh-so-annoying "Edge got Punked" sign for about a month.

#7 Batista (WWE - 6)
+Main event status
-Jobber to Champions
+Title contender nearly always
+/- Injured Superman on Superish-Looking Powerbomb
+World Tag Team Championship

Let's face it. Batista is only not a contender when he has lost a match saying he can't be one while this champion has his reign. The problem is: He's a jobber to the champions. He was still good enough though to shear through most other people to steal seven, however.

#6 Chris Jericho (WWE - 17)
+World Heavyweight Championship
+Feud of the year so far: (Shawn Michaels)
+Sacrifice of JeriTron and Highlight Reel for his gimmick

Face it, as much as I don't like it, Jericho's here to stay, and he's right now just doing everything right. I can't say much more, as that's just what it is.

#5 Triple H (WWE - 1)
+WWE Championship
-Losing Wrestlemania RAW Main Event
+Stephanie

A sort of off half year for Triple H, usually he would have won like six main events by now that actually stuck in our heads. Whatever. He's got Stephanie, and that's all that matters.

#4 Jeff Hardy (WWE - 12)
+Entertaining
+Jumping off things
-Extracurricular Activities

I think the activities have cost Jeff more than once. Drinking before his plane trip hasn't cost him, I think WWE gave him his virtual title to see if he'll slip up. They'll give him another half year before he gets another title match, just to see if whether or not he'll go, "Hey, WWE isn't using me, and I probably won't get caught, I'm going to use this substance." Let's hope he doesn't.

#3 Shawn Michaels (WWE - 13)
+Raw Main Event Status
+Feud of the year so far (Chris Jericho)
-No title victory

Yeah, Shawn's just waving around going, "Hey WWE, I'm getting older." WWE right now is doing what they did to Flair pre-retirement streak days. You know what that is? Misuse him. He should have at least beat a Santino Marella for a championship by now.

#2 Undertaker (WWE - 4)
+Won the Wrestlemania Main Event
+World Heavyweight Championship
-'Injury' from TLC

Yeah.. 'Taker's getting older too. His things with Vickie are now getting too old. Maybe he'll shoot up. Who knows.

Hall of Phame
To build suspense, my thoughts on who was the best since Royal Rumble are going to have to wait until after my Hall of Phame candidate.

When I last wrote my Hall of Phame, the Basham Brothers were inducted into my Hall of Phame due to their awesome gimmick. Who is this week's lucky fellow? Turn it up!

Scotty..2..Hotty. He is my Hall of Phame Inductee for the week for one simple reason.

THE WORM!

The Worm, the attack that I don't believe hurts, and gets the biggest crowd reaction. Every time I tune into Smackdown I hope just once it will be Scotty 2 Hotty instead of Scotty Goldman, just so I can enjoy The Worm.

The Worm, for those not in the know, was as rare as an Elijah Burke appearance is now. It started off as Scotty looking to the crowd. Next he would move both his arms out, and start stamping his feet. It was followed by one-footed hops with a move that looked like a bird flapping its wing. This lead to the popular worm dance move, and then a swing of both arms, before a forearm to the neck. It riled up the crowd, and kept them happy.

That's why Scotty 2 Hotty is my Hall of Phame inductee. Somebody find the house Scotty's in, and hand him a piece of paper. He deserves it.

#1 Edge (WWE - 3)
+TLC Match
+2 World Heavyweight Championships
-Lost the Main Event at WM24
+Had promo of the year at WM24
+La Famila

Yeah. The promo talked about how Edge watched Hogan lose when he was a child, he made us believe he could end the streak, the TLC Match was off the hook. He had La Famila for the year, since at least November. That was great for him, and it made him the top heel for the year.

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare. The Philadelphia Phillies are going to make it to the World Series. I'm going to be too happy to write an article that week.

In life, there's me, and then there is you. Be yourself. I'm being myself. Because after all, that is the Heart of a Phighter, and could somebody stitch me up now? I need to be able to write next week.

-The Philadelphia Phighter

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