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Monday Night Vince-Stigation! 8/18/08 |
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Hello friendemies. Before we get started this week… I really need to say something. Some of you, who know me, might know that… I can find quite a lot of things OR PEOPLE annoying.  One thing that is particularly annoying is a fellow staff member getting something terribly wrong about a great company founded by a great man. During our Summerslam preview, Curtis Kash mentioned: “First time this has ever happened?....Not Quite! This idea originated right here on TWG! In last season’s Relentless Wrestling PPV...a match exactly like this took place...then Vince McMahon went and stole our idea....” --- Curtis I love you to death, but have you ever heard of a little tag team called the Brothers of Destruction? They fought the Two-Man Power Trip (Triple H and Austin) in a similar match well over 6 years ago. I should point out one error each week. New segment idea. Point out one error each week. ANYWHO! - Tonight's WWE Monday Night RAW kicks off with Chris Jericho's music playing and him making his way to the ring in a suit and tie. It honestly beats the hotdog legs. Jericho's music stops and he just stares at the crowd who is booing him hard. He says he isn't here to apologize for what happened last night and Shawn Michaels should be held responsible for what happened. Jericho says he did not put Rebecca in harms way, Shawn did. Jericho plays clips from last night. Brutal shot to the face for HBK’s woman. Back to the arena and the entire arena is booing the BAJEESUS out of Jericho, who can hardly speak through it... The crowd boos Jericho for a good few minutes until he finally speaks. He says HBK knew what he was doing last night, he knew he was announcing he was done. But he chose to do it the “HBK Way” hogging the spotlight one last time. Then the record breaks. Jericho thinks Shawn is a liar, the people are liars, and Lance Cade holds his hand. Jericho exits the ring and our SHORTER THAN AVERAGE OMG TEH LEET opening segment is over! WOO! Batista vs. Paul Burchill Back from commercial as Batista and Paul Burchill are set to lock up. THIS IS SET TO BE A HELL OF A MATCH, FOLKS! …followed by the Batista Bomb for the pinfall and the win. Winner: Batista - This match was an obvious squash, so it is an automatic FAIL. It gets 2 stars out of 10. Michael Cole says: “Burchill is a ruffian.” It makes me wish JBL was still on commentary so he could slap Cole in the mouth. He’s the greatest at everything. EVER.  - We go backstage with RAW General Manager Mike Adamle.  He introduces the newest member of RAW, Eddie Colon, the brother of Carlito! I don’t know what they’re trying to do, since apparently Carlito is quitting… After about 2 seconds Mike runs off to interview John Cena’s buttcheeks. Cena is in no mood to talk and walks off. He walks into Batista who is coming backstage from his match. Cena says it was a great match last night and the better man won. Batista is dumbstruck and kind of smiles, saying “derthanks.” Jillian Hall and Katie Lea vs. Kelly Kelly and Mickie James Back from commercial and Jillian Hall is in the ring with Katie Lea. She says Chicago is one of her favorite cities and the name of a band. She sings, and I change the channel for about 2 minutes. When I clicked back over to RAW Mickie James was screaming, so I drifted in and out, mostly out, until she hit a DDT. Winners: Kelly Kelly and Mickie James This match is so fail… What has Katie Lea got to do, now that Mickie doesn’t have a title? I dub thee ZERO stars out of a possible ZERO. - Back from commercial and Michael Cole announces that Mike Adamle is making John Cena face Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes in a 2 on 1 Handicap match later tonight. HOW WILL HE DO IT THIS TIME?!  JBL vs. Jamie Noble JBL's white limousine makes its way into the arena and out steps the self proclaimed Wrestling God. JBL's opponent Jamie Noble waits for him in the ring. JBL drops a series of huge elbow drops on Noble after a knockdown. JBL hits a monster Clothesline from Hell that levels Noble. JBL manages to pick Noble up on his feet and nails him with another huge clothesline. Noble is looking bad now as JBL picks him up again and hits another big clothesline. The referee stops the match AS the pin happens. Weird ending, but JBL looked pissed. Again, squash match… Winner: JBL Not as FAIL as Batista’s squash. Everybody loves JBL, so at least it was entertaining. 4 stars out of 10. - After this commercial break, we are promised a blockbuster announcement from Shane and Stephanie McMahon. We cut to the break. - Back from commercial and Mike Adamle comes out. He announces CM Punk will wrestle Chris Jericho tonight. Adamle has another announcement from Shane and Stephanie… At Unforgiven, 5 WWE Superstars including CM Punk will compete in a 20 minute match. They’re calling it a “scramble” when really it’s just a hardcore time limit match, from the early SmackDown! Game series. 2 on 1 Handicap Match: The Living Lederhosen and The Toiletator vs. Superman (Zomg sqwash?) The WWE Tag Team Champions make their way to the ring first and do their entrance. Cryme Tyme's music hits and the two come out and run away with the WWE Tag Team belts. One of these days Shad should seriously steal something from Michael Cole. Out next is John Cena to a huge reaction, mixed. As Cena does his entrance, Rhodes and DiBiase fuss at ringside over their missing Championship belts. It looks like it's going to be Cena taking on both Rhodes and DiBiase… tag style. Handicap matches are always more fun when tags aren’t needed. Back from commercial and Cena has Cody tied up in the corner while DiBiase waits for a tag. Rhodes taunts Cena which makes him chase him around the ring. Cody tags in DiBiase who comes in and unloads on Cena, getting a 2 count. Rhodes and DiBiase hit a few double team moves on Cena including a huge dropkick from Ted. Cody and Cena duke it out in the ring but Rhodes drops him with a leg sweep. Cena looks to be in a lot of trouble. Cody throws Cena from the apron into the fan barricade at ringside, hitting his ribs. Cody takes him back in the ring for a 2 count. DiBiase comes back in and works over Cena. A nice suplex by DiBiase and big right hands followed by a clothesline and a very close 2 count. Cody gets tagged back in and they drop a double elbow on Cena for another 2 count. Cody throws Cena in the corner for more right hands and double teaming with DiBiase. Cena elbows DiBiase and tries to fight off Rhodes. Cody knocks Cena back down for another 2 count. Cena misses his flying shoulder as Cody ducks. Cena looked real late on that. A taunt, a comeback, a move of doom… Cena hits his Five Knuckle Shuffle and goes for the FU. He drops Cody from the FU and nails DiBiase who runs in, then locks the STFU on Rhodes to make him tap out for the win. Winner: John Cena This match matters NOT, either way. Sort of… ooh what’s the word… fail… 4 out of 10. - John Cena celebrates with the fans as we cut to a graphic of Shawn Michaels and his wife last night. After we get back from this commercial break, we will get Shawn Michaels' reaction to what went down at SummerSlam. - Back from commercial and WWE Hall of Famer Harley Race is shown at ringside! I personally enjoyed seeing him. At Ric Flair’s retirement didn’t he use a cane, or hobble or something? He looks a lot better now, actually. All smiles. We cut to a video of last night after SummerSlam. HBK and Rebecca are walking backstage leaving when Michael Cole walks up. He asks for an update on her condition. HBK just stares at Cole and walks off. Then he turns around and walks to Cole and the mic. He says when he goes home he's going to comfort his wife and their kids who just watched their mother get punched in the face because of him. Rebecca looks on with her swollen lip and a tear in her eye. HBK says "and then, and then...." and walks off. Good acting. The segment is win.  - Backstage CM Punk is with Todd Grisham. Punk says Jericho did something horrible last night and then wants to come to Chicago, his hometown, and put the blame. Punk says in Chicago they handle guys like that. He says he's going to take out Jericho tonight and do it under his terms, Chicago style. Then he said he likes the musical, “Chicago.” And that he loves the Chicago Cubs. Plus, his initials really stand for Chicago Man Punk. And that he dated this Chick named Ago. Match: Santino Marella vs. D-Lo Brown The WWE IC Champion Santino Marella makes his way to the ring with Beth Phoenix, the new WWE Women's Champion. Cole announces his opponent as we go back to another commercial break. Back from commercial and Cole says Beth and Santino just had their acceptance speech in the ring. Out next is former WWE Intercontinental Champion D-Lo Brown, who gets a nice pop from the crowd. Kofi Kingston comes out, and does a mediocre commentary job. D-Lo and Kofi go at it to start the match and Brown goes up top. Santino knocks him to the mat, kicks him and gets a 2 count. Brown hits a running right hand, a clothesline and a bodyslam. D-Lo hits a big leg drop and goes back to the top rope. Beth Phoenix gets in the ring and stands as a human shield, as D-Lo screams/spits in her face… “GET TO STEPPIN!”  D-Lo gets slapped and the situation goes crazy. Santino is nailed by Kofi, whilst Beth watches on. I really wish Beth could have owned Kingston with TEH POWERBOMB. Winner by DQ: D-Lo Brown Good match for what it’s worth. 5.5 out of 10. - Backstage we see Kane making his way to the ring as we go back to commercial break. Some weird music is playing during the promo as I wonder… is it? Could it be? - Back from commercial and Kane makes his way to the ring…WITH NEW MUSIC!  The lights stay red in the arena as Kane speaks. He says everyone was shocked when he pulled Rey's mask out. He says carrying that bag made him feel good and put a smile on his face. Kane has spinach in his teeth. I know you noticed it too. He says Rey hasn't been seen for about six weeks and there is a reason for that. Kane says he never liked Mysterio and doesn't like people who DO like Rey. Kane sounds like me the last time someone asked me about Rey Mysterio fighting The Great Khali at Summerslam last year. This is why Kane and JBL are the best RAW has to offer. They spit the truth. Kane goes on to say… Rey is a slithering slime who hides behind a mask and compares him to a fungus that grows in marshes. Kane says he figuratively eviscerated Rey in a parking lot six weeks ago but spared his life. He says Rey is alive but his spirit is broken and dead. So is he actually alive? Or is he dead? Batista's music hits, which magically makes the lights normal. Batista rushes the ring and Kane hits him with right hands. Batista nails the spear and goes to work on Kane. Kane hits Batista's knee and drops him. Batista gets lifted and dropped by a huge chokeslam as Kane looks on. Kane's new music hits as he makes his way to the back and Batista tries to recover in the ring. Side note, even though I LOVE seeing Kane own Batista… has anyone noticed the chokeslams between these two, for whatever reason, have bad chemistry? Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk Back from commercial and we see a preview for the Championship Scramble match at Unforgiven. Out first is Chris Jericho with Lance Cade holding his hand. The legs are back!!!!!  The arena explodes as Harry Carry’s commentary blasts throughout the arena. Punk exploits all possible references to Chicago to get a pop. Cole says Punk has over 100 family and friends in the building tonight. The crowd chants Punk's name and he just smirks at Jericho. The match starts with Punk hitting kicks on Jericho. Punk takes him down and kicks him straight in the back. A big backbreaker and another kick by Punk. Punk hits knees to Jericho's head but gets caught with a right hand. Jericho backs Punk in the corner but ends up getting wrapped up in the turnbuckle in a submission. Punk gets a quick 2 count on Jericho and puts him back in another submission hold. They go back to their feet and Jericho kicks Punk. Jericho goes running in the corner at Punk but misses, hits the post and flies to the floor. Punk regains his composure in the ring as we go back to commercial break. Back from commercial and Jericho has Punk in a submission hold. During the break, Jericho took control of the match after Punk missed a move off the ropes. Punk gets to his feet and fights out of Jericho's hold. Off the ropes and Jericho nails a clothesline for a 2 count on Punk. Jericho drops a few elbow drops and hits a back breaker. Jericho stretches Punk over his knee and tries to get him to submit. Back on their feet now and Punk starts to fight back. Jericho catches him in an abdominal stretch and holds it as he tries to make Punk submit again. Punk hits a knee but Jericho comes right back with forearms. Out of nowhere Punk nails a kick to Jericho's face and both men are down. Punk hits forearm shots and a dropkick followed by a flying forearm and more kicks. Punk nails another back breaker and covers Jericho for another 2 count. Punk hits a running knee in the corner but misses the bulldog as Jericho blocks it. Jericho hits the Lionsault and gets a 2 count. They go back and forth for a minute until Punk rolls Jericho up for a very close 2 count. Punk with forearms in the corner. Jericho reverses him and hits a clothesline in the corner. Punk lifts Jericho for the GTS on his shoulders but he hangs on to the ropes. Jericho catches Punk in the Walls of Jericho as the ref checks Punk for the submission. Lance Cade says “You can do it, Chrith! Fabulous!” In fact Chris Jericho’s brother is working on a new promo…  …but Punk finally makes it to the ropes and breaks the hold. Jericho runs at Punk and gets caught in the GTS but escapes to the apron and goes to the top turnbuckle. Punk runs up, hits the flying knee up in the air and nails a bulldog from the top rope. Punk gets to his feet and waits on Jericho. Cade gets on the apron and distracts Punk. Punk nails him but turns around to a Code Breaker from Jericho. Jericho covers Punk for the pinfall and the win in this non-title match. Winner: Chris Jericho This match was the best of the evening, hands down. Not the highest moment, ala Kane, but yes, a good grapplin’ show. 9 out of 10. RAW goes off the air as Chris Jericho makes his way to the back and CM Punk recovers in the ring. The main event saved the evening, what can I say? Most everything was a squash, or Cena-related. The main event (plus Kane, zanks) was nice. But I can’t remember what city they were in. Because in reality, Punk only said “Chicago” about 4 times. 6.5 out of 10. Amen. Views: 1,138 
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COMMENTS |
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Comment # 1
When White Ranger posts something, I can almost hear no one giving a crap...
Posted by durh on Friday, August 22, 2008
Comment # 2
Vince! Vince! Vince! Vince! Vince! Vince! Vince! Vince!
Posted by Niv on Friday, August 22, 2008
Comment # 3
Haha I am first to make a comment.
Posted by Lil G on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 4
Too many jokes, not enough on the action.
Maybe next week will be better.
Posted by The Philadelphia Phighter on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 5
Good job as ever The Vince - and I happen to like the jokes ;-)
Posted by Mad Maggie Handbag on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 6
oily legs again?!?!
waz dear a puddle
Posted by ghost on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 7
Too many jokes? Well WWE is a joke right now, so tahts the best way to describe their shows, anyway great Job Vince, love the pics, lookin forward to your next articles.
Posted by Lukas.S on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 8
Great one Vince.:)
Posted by KOD on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 9
i think lukas.s must shut up why do you read this if you think WWE is a joke. you are a joke!
ps: a great article
Posted by mardy fantasy on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 10
you made one mistake in the santino vs dlo match you said dlo strated with kobi
Posted by crazydude on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 11
good review
Posted by g on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 12
for the first time i actualy like one of the vinces things. Great job.
Posted by Adam Rage on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 13
Ah, the picture of hot-dog made me laugh. Hilarious. Nice job.
Posted by History That Will be Made on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 14
i really liked it
Posted by swish chris on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 15
WHERE IS CURTIS BY THE WAY
Posted by THE ONE on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 16
New Kane music?! While, I kinda liked the classic music (no lyrics) and really enjoyed the new old one (with lyrics) I wanna know about this new entrance music! Is it on Youtube yet?
And as mentioned earlier, in the very real case of RAW, you really can't do an article on it without it being a joke. I mean... family friendly WWE? Listen Vince (McMahon, not you man), I know you might be psyched about being a Grandpa or something, but come on. You were raised in an environment where your worst problems were far from what was on TV. And you ended up in life a freaking millionaire! Trust me, your grandkid has more to fear from the CW now anyways, with its programming aimed at chicks. With the UFC craze for some reason still going on, the WWE doesnt need to be family friendly, it needs to be more in your face like in the mid-90's again. I mean, look at some of your greats. They didn't put the business on the map by being "Family Friendly". They did it by being controversial and in your face. Like with Captain Lou Albano. The guy pissed off nearly EVERYONE. Did it hurt the business? Hell no! It rocketed it into the Rock N Roll Wrestling Era, also synoimous with the rise of Hulk Hogan, and last I checked, times were good then.
Another high time in the wrestling entertainment was the Attitude Era. Did people tune into see The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin say "Oh well, better man won"? HELL NO! We tuned in to not only see them tear each other up, but rip on each other with profanity and attitude.
Vince, abandon your hopes of a family friendly WWE. There was a great show I used to watch that died because it toned things down for kids. Namely, The Real Ghostbusters cartoon. Now, for any of you old enough to remember, the original stuff and some of the second season, were great. Then they retooled things, didn't want the show too scary for kids, so it became something you could pretty much put on PBS. Know what happened? NO ONE WATCHED. The show died.
Then again, you gotta wonder how family friendly they can be, with their two best stories in the recent months being one that ended with infedelity, and now one where a grown man punches a woman in the face...
Posted by Dante S. Inferno on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 17
well Lukas will not shut up, oh he will be louder, and you must watch Wrestling for like 2-3 years, cause Compering Todays WWE to WWF for example- WWE is a joke, and thats the Bottom line because Lukas said so! And if mardy retardy aint down with it I got two words for him...
Posted by Lukas on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 18
It was Fab-u-lous.
Posted by Phsycosis on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 19
If you are going to call it Monday Night Vince-stigation (Biggest douche bag name ever, you must have low self esteem), try getting the article up by Monday. Just a thought, but I know logic and common sense elude you Vince
Posted by Your Sister's Fantasy on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 20
Nicely done man! I love reading your articles. And to all you haters, you know he doesn't give a crap about what you say about him, so why even try?
Posted by Hattori Hanzo on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 21
all the haters? Its just 1 or two craps that changes their nickname
Posted by The Chosen One LS on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 22
has anyone realized dante inferno S. post realllllllly long posts?
it takes me a while to read it lol. :)
P.S. dont hate its a forum hes doing the best he can
Posted by ghost on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 23
Raw was pretty bad last monday. Squash matches suck.
The Burchill's can't win crap. Rhodes and DiBiase become Cena's ponies. In a time when we need more challenging heels to liven things up, they just get buried.
Posted by Botac on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 24
Kane killed rey myserio lmao
kane vs batista would be great!
Posted by thekillah on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 25
Your too harsh man, cena, batista, etc. like never wrestle on raw, seeing them is a treat, squash or not.
Posted by Edge on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 26
fail
Posted by Yuri on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 27
They should honestly do background checks on the people they let use a computer. Enjoy hearing your opinion but the flame against Jesse in that first picture wasn't needed. I also understand to make a joke here and there. but WAY! to much for me.
Overall I give it four zeros out of a possible zero :)
Posted by Wouldn't it be nice on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 28
When you post the pictures it's almost like I can hear you being unoriginal and stupid.
Posted by The White Ranger on Thursday, August 21, 2008
Comment # 29
Yes, yes! Flame me, flame each other! This is the reason I became an articolist.
Most sentient beings side with me, whilst the others
(Namely, friends of Jesse Rhyne apparently, and ... other Articolists? I don't know, because The White Ranger hasn't posted anything in about 2 weeks)
disagree.
Hanzo was right. I really don't care what you have to say, if it's negative. I just understand you either:
1) Simply don't share my feelings.
2) Don't have an aptitude for reading
OR
3) Are perpetually out to get me, because I told you where you could stick it, which I've done to many people, and the friends of many people. ^^
Posted by Vince on Friday, August 22, 2008
Comment # 30
Oh and to whoever asked, Kash is on vacation I think.
Posted by Vince on Friday, August 22, 2008
Comment # 31
first of all vince most ppl hate JBL>>> i do 2. n wats up wid da stupid jokes
Posted by wwe fan on Friday, August 22, 2008
Comment # 32
Vince, when you wrote this did you have a brick wall behind you and a mic in your hand? WWE may have become a 'joke', but I would like to read an article that doesn't have cheap punchlines and such through out. We really don't care about who you like or dislike. Tell us what happened on raw and stick a few of your own opinions in. This was more or less puke on microsoft word.
and I'm adding another zero do my previous four.
Posted by Former 'The Everlasting' Zodiac on Friday, August 22, 2008
Comment # 33
If you can't handle a superduper narrative then don't read it.
Posted by Vince on Friday, August 22, 2008
Comment # 34
If you don't like what he does, then don't read his articles! I, personally, love his reviews. =)
Posted by VR Man on Friday, August 22, 2008
Comment # 35
Vince doesn't suck. Vince is a great articolist. One of TWG's greatest. He is original, innovative, and just a great all around guy. I can't get enough of his articles. And his joke. I just really love his stuff. If you don't like his articles, then tough. You can go and read some other articolist and rant on them. and White Ranger, I cant believe you would do something like that. That is just rude. Can't we all get along. And leave Vicne alone.
Posted by Hanzo on Friday, August 22, 2008
Comment # 36
Another good article from vince people dont say he sucks just because you do not like him that makes you look stupid
Posted by Shogun on Friday, August 22, 2008
Comment # 37
vince's articles are good but nowhere near as good as curtis' and the glides
Posted by vsfnetogegl on Friday, August 22, 2008
Comment # 38
And yes, to confirm, Curtis is on vacation and should be back at least by the 29th.
Posted by The Glide on Friday, August 22, 2008
Comment # 39
Just for the sake of being controversial and witty, I'm not going to say you're a mentally deficient suckmonkey, and neither am I going to refer to you as the second coming. I just disagree with you on two points.
1) did you bother to look at the Cena match as anything other than a Cena match? WWE is a business that's older than dirt, and despite the fact that their recent experiments are bleeding feebly in the dirt, they know how to build or destroy a character. They're checking Cena to see if they can salvage him as a fringe heavyweight competitor, or maybe move him down to upper mid card into a more Hardy-ish role.
Think back on all the times Coachman sent waves and waves of superstars into the ring, which had essentially become a deathzone because Cena was there on a screaming-fan inspired rampage. If he could pwn the living hell out of anything and everything that moved back then, including the then Tag Champs, no. 1 contender and I forget who else, why would these two no-name mini-Ortons(I do love em to death by the way, just making a point) beat him down again and again, counter the 5 moves of doom again and again, forever and a day, until he can finally save himself, and whip out the dusty old STF for a win. Said STF actually showing shades this time of why Cena became SuperCena in the first place, because that STF looks real damn snazzy when a big guy like Cena locks on to a lil guy like mini-Orton no.2
2)I'll keep this one short because I went on a rant again. They're trying to bring Kelly Kelly's character up to snuff as part of the "try to make people give a damn about the diva's" tactical campaign on the fans. That includes letting her do standing huracanranas, backflips, and more importantly, keeping the raw women's title the hell up out the picture so we can focus more on the wrestling of the individual divas more than them building up one person to hunt down the gold.
the raw diva's belt is safe in a comedy story, and is going to be quarantined there for a while so the other diva talent, including maybe Gail Kim, can have more spotlight.
Posted by Mr. Groove on Saturday, August 23, 2008
Comment # 40
I feel that your ratings are somehow overlooking the gimmick some wrestlers have. Batista is a power animal, who beats down his opponents quickly. If he would have a very close match back and forth against Paul Burchill, he would look weak. I love Paul Burchill a lot, Pirate Burchill 100% FTW, but currently it should not look like he's closely matched to Batista, unless he's about to be pushed through the roof.
Now, the John Cena match. I just feel any Cena match will get an insta-fail from you. You base this week's low rating because it was a squash match. I haven't seen it, but if I read your report, it was anything but a squash match. Cena doesn't have many squash matches, seeing how he mostly gets beaten up in the early go, and then makes the comeback (which once again is his gimmick). A squash match would have cena beat his opponent from start to finish.
But I like your style, it's refreshing indeed, and well, good luck trying to be the epitome of controversy now The Silent Knight is a reporter.
Posted by El Valo on Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Comment # 41
Good job Vince...keep up the good work :)
Posted by The Boulder Brawler on Tuesday, August 26, 2008
