Raw is Curtis for 05/04/09
RAW IS CURTIS 4/5/09’
Straight off to ringside for a Randy Orton match right away. Wow that was fast. Shane decides to enter from behind and attacks Orton. The fight spills out into the crowd and Orton starts to take over while they brawl. When Shane battles back Orton tries to run but is caught from behind. They fight back into the ring and Shane leaps off the ring barricade with a clothesline before clearing the table and laying Orton out on it. Shane fights off Legacy as they come to the rescue but is soon kicked down into the ground by all three. MVP comes to the save but is also outnumbered and beat down by the Ken Doll look-a-likes.
MVP is thrown to the floor and the beat down on Shane continues before Batista arrives and spears Rhodes while everyone else runs. Vickie decides to walk out and not ride in a wheelchair. She decides to have the match re-done later tonight. Batista will take on Ted and MVP will take on Rhodes. Whoever wins in their match will go on to join in the Shane/Orton match, making it essentially a handicap match later tonight.
Matt Hardy is out and continues his bitches and whines about his broken hand and is once again wrestling under protest.
Matt Hardy vs. Kofi Kingston
Hardy goes for a headlock and seems to have trouble holding it on as Kingston switches to a hammerlock. The hold is forced to break and Hardy dives to the outside when Kingston pulls on his arm a little. He catches Kofi with a cheap shot and Kingston just decks him. Hardy sends Kingston to the corner but Kofi rolls him up for two. Springboard cross body misses entirely as I think Kofi needs to start actually looking before he jumps off for that move. Hardy hangs Kingston up by the midsection on the ropes and gets a two count. Suplex gets him another two but a second suplex has Kofi wiggling his way out of the broken arm. Kofi pummels back and delivers a big dropkick and the springboard cross body. Kofi follows with a clothesline and the boom boom boom for two.
Bob Orton, I mean Hardy rung into Kingston with his arm and they both stumble back. They pull back and Hardy tries to clothesline with his broken arm as Kingston ducks under the arm and delivers Trouble in Paradise for the win.
Winner: Kingston
After the match while Kofi is celebrating he eats a cast in the face. For some reason King is still all Heel announcer mode tonight in supporting Hardy’s arm claim.
Santino is talking to some blonde chick whose name I don’t recall. He says Santina can’t be here tonight because Vickie breathed on her and gave her the swine flu. Chavo comes up from behind to say he shouldn’t talk back on him or Vickie. He tells Chavo to give her a message of apologies for him….and then squeals surprisingly well like a pig. Wow.
Big Show goes to the back to demand a match tonight with Cena. She says he isn’t cleared to wrestle until Judgment Day. He whines and leaves because he has to leave. The Bella twins then assault MVP in the most annoying way possible and ask him out. I totally have that happen all the time. Yeah MVP got nothing on me.
For some reason Willie Regal is here to complain he hasn’t had a title shot yet against MVP. You’re a Brit, you can’t have the US title, jack off!
MVP vs. Cody Rhodes
MVP takes Rhodes down easily and chain wrestles him around. MVP keeps control until Rhodes kicks his legs out from under him and works over the leg now with various holds. Rhodes kicks his leg when MVP tries to come back in the corner. Rhodes eats a knee to the face and an elbow drop. Regal punches MVP’s knee from behind while Cody is distracting the ref. MVP gets counted out in all lameness. Sigh.
Winner: Rhodes
We get a replay of a Dance Off between Layla and Eve on Smackdown to make “hype” for the sing off on Raw, hosted by King….Jillian will sing off against her hand picked contestant….Festus…somebody help me. Jillian sings a song I don’t really recognize anymore. Festus has trouble getting around to sing. Jillian keeps trying to win automatically and King won’t let her. He puts the microphone to his mouth and the bell rings. He sings the Sun will Come Out Tomorrow. They ring the bell again to leave him posed awkwardly. That was….frightening. I think Jillian might have been a little better actually. Festus actually wins. She begs for another song until The Miz interrupts with his entrance. Miz makes Festus form a Loser symbol on his own head before kicking his ass and tossing him out of the ring.
What is going on? It’s like Raw has become about people I don’t care about all of a sudden. Miz claims Cena is afraid of him. Miz invites him out again...Miz then asks why everyone is booing him despite Cena still not coming out. Miz says that Cena is manufactured by WWE for the kids and women to scream for. That’s…actually kinda true yeah. Miz demands again that he be announced the winner when finally Cena’s music interrupts things. Cena comes walking as slowly as anyone ever could walk. He finally makes it to the ring as Miz takes a hike. Guess he had important reality show stuff to do like eat scorpions.
Big Show makes an appearance now and faces off with Cena in the ring. He then proceeds to kicking him down and punching Cena around on the ground. The worlds stupidest camel clutch ensues for some reason. The awkwardness continues.
Ok so now we have Jarrod the subway guy as ring announcer. Why the hell? Somebody tell him to hold the microphone right.
Mickie James vs Maryse
Maryse refuses to tie up with Mickie and just tells her to talk to the hand so Mickie attacks from behind and beat the holy hell out of her. Mickie works an arm over and then sends Maryse to the floor. She misses the baseball slide and Maryse slams Mickie to the ring barricade before stepping on her. Maryse makes a two count and Mickie comes powering back now with a dropkick for to of her own. Mickie is put up top for a snap mare but she ducks a kick and signals her DDT for the three.
Winner: Mickie
I heard Jarrod was testing out the five dollar footlong during that last match. *rimshot*
Batista vs. Ted Dibiase
Batista powers Dibiase all around the ring as one might expect. Dibiase slips out of a Powerslam and attacks from behind only to run into a kick. Batista tries for the Batista Bomb but Dibiase slips out and eats a clothesline instead. Batista continues to work Dibiase over, but misses a running kick. Dibiase puts Batista down with a dropkick and mounted punches for two. King gets interrupted in a sentence several times and sounds a little pissed off with Cole now. Dibiase tries for another cover and goes to a headlock now right out of the school of Orton.
Drop toe hold trips Batista up when he tries to come back but a corner charge has Dibiase running right into a kick to the jaw. Batista rams his shoulder to the midsection until the ref makes him break. Batista takes a slap to the face and refuses to stop beating Dibiase’s ass in the corner, choking him and kicking the living tar out of him until the ref DQs,
Winner: Dibiase
Chavo is in the back talking about the match tonight. He tells her she has to make sure Shane and Batista don’t get into the match tonight. He says if MVP interferes, he loses his title and if Batista interferes he loses his title match. This seems like an awfully awkward scene. Is Vickie somehow getting even fatter?! And Uglier?!
Carlito vs. The Kendrick
Kendrick gets a low kick in cheap and Carlito powers back out of the corner with a clothesline and back body drop. Carlito drops Kendrick hard and picks up two before springing from the outside into a reverse heel kick from Kendrick for two. Carlito gets fed up with this bullcrap and just counters right into the Apple Jack for three out of nowhere.
Winner: Carlito
Legacy vs. Shane McMahon (Handicap Tag Match)
I missed the very beginning, but you can imagine it mostly as Shane getting the tar stomped out of him in the enemy corner. He fights his way out and takes it to Orton. Orton runs and makes the tag, diving to the floor where Shane gives chase only to be caught off guard by Dibiase in the ring. Shane knocks Legacy off the apron and levels Dibiase before going up top for an elbow drop and a two count when Rhodes breaks it up. Shane and Rhodes botch a clothesline to the floor attempt when it whiffs so Rhodes rolls himself to the floor. Dibiase and Shane spill out the floor now with Shade beating Dibiase into the stairs and grabbing a chair. Orton gets Shane from behind and tosses him back to the ring. Orton makes the tag and stomps him down. This match is making Legacy look like completely inept morons as they are almost losing way too often.
Cody tags in and does the same before going up top. He completely bombs and makes the tag to Dibiase. Dibiase pummels Shane into the corner. Shane delivers a clothesline and drags Dibiase from the tag but is kicked off for Orton to come in. Shane delivers several punches and clotheslines Orton to the floor before sending the rest of Legacy to the floor over the ropes when they come in. Rhodes eats the steps and Orton is slapped off the apron in his escape to get caught on the edge of the ring. Shane clears the table again as we are seeing a rerun now from earlier. Orton is laid out on the table and Shane goes up top. Shane completely misses Orton as he goes through the table and Orton rolls out of the way. What happened to count outs?
Shane’s foot is put to the steps and Orton beats on it with a chair. Orton proceeds to sandwich his ankle between the two steps. The referee army arrives to try and push Legacy off. Batista comes out to chase Legacy off despite the fact the match never officially ended…. And That’s That (Seriously) Show Grade: C (No not C for Crap)
Curtis Kash signing off.
Comments
Comment # 2
1 out of 10
"For some reason Willie Regal is here to complain he hasn’t had a title shot yet against MVP. You’re a Brit, you can’t have the US title, jack off!"
What was that? That is bad reporting!
Posted by MEOW!!! on Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Comment # 3
was it just me or did orton miss shanes ankle with the steps?
Posted by The Stupifier on Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Comment # 4
satino was speaking 2 kelly kelly
Posted by dragon_rider on Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Comment # 5
Great stuff as always Kash.
I agree with The Stupifier... I thought they were aiming for the left ankle, and missed completely, then Shane was holding his right ankle.... either way, I've seen better acting out of Steven Segal.
Posted by The Prodigy on Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Comment # 6
I guess WWE need to expunge the records of all the non-European European Champions then.
That makes the British Bulldog and Regal the only champions.
Posted by D0C on Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Comment # 7
i dont like ur stuff as much curtis, but u do write an ok article, just not my cup of tea
Posted by Johnny Smitty on Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Comment # 8
It was a good article, very funny and cynical.
Everyone, this is an article on an online RPG, not the New York Times. Get over yourselves, please.
Posted by Tunga on Friday, May 08, 2009
Comment # 9
Your comments about regal were bad. If it's from an in company perspective then anyone is aloud to challange for the title, and if it was from a "i don't like brits" perspective then your being extremely arragant. William Regal is one of the most solid wrestlers and as many people have said is arguably one of the most under rated wrestlers.
Rest of the article was about a C grade
Posted by Wolfie on Thursday, May 07, 2009
Comment # 10
if you look at it this way the u.s champ should be from the u.s and the europeon champ should be from europe, william is meantto be british not american, the europeon champs have been mostly from europe, if you include any country in europe now.
Posted by crazydude on Friday, May 08, 2009
Comment # 11
First off, wtf is up with the font. second, Wolfie, I do the article rating thing so move on poser.
I really didn't enjoy this article. I dunno, way too monotone, I had to force myself along to read it. A rare miss.
Grade: C+
Posted by Edge Head on Saturday, May 09, 2009
Comment # 12
i am the deadman
Posted by THE UNDERTAKER on Friday, May 15, 2009
©2005-2010 All rights reserved - Browser Games MD S.r.l. - Posizionamento Motori di Ricerca
Comment # 1
Um font please put down I don't want to have to scroll down every single paragraph
Posted by Drex on Wednesday, May 06, 2009