The Bouncing Articles: 2012 Rumble Review

The Bouncing Articles

By:

The Bouncer

            I watched The Royal Rumble PPV, and I am about to give you my OPINIONS about it. Did WWE finally pull off a great PPV after years of neglect?

World Heavyweight Championship: Daniel Bryan Vs. Mark Henry Vs. Big Show

            I kept forgetting that this was a title match. To me, it didn't seem like a title match, but it was still entertaining to watch. Mark Henry was down for a lot of it, but I wouldn't blame him. He recently suffered through the WORST injury of all time. It all ended when Daniel Bryan seemed to have accidentally slipped out of Big Show's grasp. I was wrong with the outcome, but just WAIT for my rant about what happens later. This match was decent, and I think that a singles match between Big Show & Daniel Bryan would have done the trick, so that Mark Henry could rest from that devastating injury.

Diva's tag team match

          Who cares?

John Cena Vs. Kane

          Did I get it right? OF COURSE I DID!!!! Did John Cena lose cleanly? NOPE!!!! This match was just terrible. Kane tried to make it good, but Cena just bored us. It ended when the two left the ring for no apparent reason. Kane attacked Ryder after the match, and brought him to the ring for no apparent reason. I found myself just WAITING for the attack to be over. Cena was screaming backstage during some of the attack after being hit with a chair shot by Kane, for no apparent reason. Anyways, I just knew that Cena was going to recover from it ridiculously quick. Guess what happens next. CENA RECOVERS FROM IT RIDICULOUSLY QUICK AND ATTACKS KANE. This whole thing was just to stop Kane from breaking Shawn Michaels' record at the Rumble.

Drew McIntrye Vs. Brodus Clay

            I REFUSE to make that match bold. I was so disappointed when I found out that Drew had a singles match instead of the Royal Rumble. Drew just jobbed to Clay. Before the match, Drew was calling him a “disgudace”. It was just a squash match to put Clay over. It lasted a little bit over a minute and four seconds, which is more than what I expected. Remember, this is WWE. At least it wasn't the main event, TNA.

WWE Championship: CM Punk Vs. Dolph Ziggler

            I was wondering why Ziggler got the shot. The thing that confused me is that Ziggler is one of my favorites of all time, so why would WWE give a shot to somebody that I like? TO TOY WITH ME!!!! Well, they needed somebody to get destroyed by CM Punk, and they know that Dolph is one of my favorites. Well, do you know how John Laurinaitis was the referee? Well, they had a DIFFERENT referee. In fact, the only thing that John did was provide minor distractions. Those minor distractions were pointless. The REAL referee got knocked out, and John started to help him up, which does not justify him being there. Dolph Ziggler taps out, but the referee is knocked out. That is win one for Punk. After that, Ziggler gets one last move in, but it isn't enough. CM Punk hits two GTS's and pins him. John runs in during it, and what does he do? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING USEFUL!!!! There was no point in him being in it. Ziggler's role was to showcase how “strong” CM Punk is by eating three finishers.

The Royal Rumble match

            You know how this is suppose to be the most unpredictable match of the entire year? Well, this is the first time that I got the rumble winner right. Should I be happy about it? NO!!!! I wanted them to surprise me. Have Snitsky or John Morrison win it, not the person that I said would win. I also do like how the people that were calling me stupid for saying that Sheamus win were WRONG.

            Anyways, The Miz starts it off, as planned. The number two entrant is Alex Riley. Alex gets eliminated quickly. R-Truth is next, and lasts less than five minutes. Cody Rhodes comes in, and stays. Speeding up now, a lot of spots went to “special entrants”. More than usual. The special entrants were Mick Foley, Ricardo Rodriguez, Jerry Lawler, Booker T, Michael Cole (who I knew was going to be an entrant when I saw Booker T enter), “kHARMa” (third fEMALe to compete in a rumble), Road Dogg, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, and The Great Khali (yes I am counting him). The problem with this is that there were WAY too many. Surprise entrants are good, but why not give other shots to guys like Drew McIntyre, Skip Sheffield, Trent Barreta, William Regal, and Kane? Epico lasts eleven seconds. Apparently, he Shad Gaspard the lowest time. Jim Duggan and Jerry Lawler also fail to make it to the minute mark. The Great Khali finally gets a credible time. Jinder Mahal gets destroyed by Khali. “kHARMa” lasts a minute, but eliminates hUNICo. Road Dogg was my favorite surprise entrant, but he was quickly eliminated.

            Kofi Kingston is probably the person that annoyed me the most with this match. WWE realized that they made a huge mistake by letting the best wrestler of all time, so they are trying to replace him with somebody that can't even wrestle. They tried to have Kofi ruin Morrison's highlight of last year. They want us to forget about John Morrison, just like they want to completely erase the 2004 Royal Rumble from history. Well, Kofi Kingston is a TERRIBLE replacement for the greatest of all time.

            Big Show enters at number thirty, and gets annihilated. Although, they did have him eliminate my three favorite current wrestlers, which REALLY annoyed me. The final four came down to Big Show, Chris Jericho, Sheamus, and Randy Orton (who got Kennedy fired). Big Show gets quickly eliminated by the worst wrestler of all time. Chris Jericho eliminates the worst wrestler of all time. Then Sheamus eliminates Jericho, after a bunch of overused rumble cliché.

The Bouncing Q & A

Q: Which Royal Rumble has ended up being the most disappointing to you?

A: 2009.

            Well, that is it. I hope you can see this PPV from my point of view, and understand why I feel the way that I feel about it. Remember, if you have any REASONABLE question that you want to ask me, what are you waiting for? ASK IT!!!!

GOODNIGHT!!!!

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