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The ECW X-Press: 12/30/08



12/30/2008

Pre-show run-through:
Last week, ECW conveniently ran an all-highlight show during my Christmas vacation, so I took the week off.  Also, Matt Hardy kicked Manu out of the Legacy.  On a side note, If I have to listen to Michael Cole screaming “VINTAGE MICHAELS!” every RAW now I may commit suicide.

(opening video)

In a world full of winners and losers, we are treated to the LIVE DIRT SHEET!  That’s a winner for sure.  I forgot to mention it two weeks ago, but Miz and Morrison’s reaction to R-Truth’s Slammy win for best musical performance was one of the funniest things ever. 

*clip of R-Truth rapping* *Miz and Morrison with blank stares*

Morrison:  ‘Are you kidding me?  “Ronk-a-ton-ton, a ruck and a rhyme and a…”  I can’t even understand a word he says!  It’s like open mic at Starbucks!’

This amuses me so much because I had already noted to myself that as far as rapping talent goes, R-Truth makes Soulja Boy look like John Cena.  And yes, I did just imply that Cena is a much better rapper than the ‘great’ Soulja Boy.  You would believe me if you were ever forced to sit through a Soulja concert.

Anyways, back to reality as MnM2.0 rake in the boos.  Miz says we’re making history tonight.  Morrison says look to the left…look to the right…because they’ve bought everyone in the building NEW CARS!  Not really…instead we get something better, the Dirt Sheet.  Morrison reminds us of all the accolades, and we get the “greatest tag team of the 21st century!” *stereo lookoff!*

They begin sharing their New Year’s Resolutions.  “to get abs 11 and 12 to pop out…” –Morrison.  Then they simultaneously say they’ll win the Rumble.  Oh noes1! Tension!  They argue and insult each other, then move on.  Evan Bourne resolves to move out of his mother’s basement.  John Cena resolves to take acting lessons so his next movie isn’t as terrible as the Marine.  Batista resolves to wear a helmet to the ring.  Triple H resolves to buy a family-sized nasal douche.  Finlay will stop wearing tighty-whiteys.  They go on a tangent about Hornswoggle, comparing him to a dog.  “How do you find out this stuff?” “Well, it’s really just simple science!”  Finally, Finlay and Hornswoggle are out to take exception.  “AAH!  AAH!  AAH!  AAH!” – Hornswoggle.  Really, WWE?  Really?  “Sit.  Stay.  Good ‘Swoggle.” –Morrison.  Morrison gives Hornswoggle the mic.  Mistake.  He yells some gibberish.  Finlay translates by punching Morrison, but it’s two against one and a quarter so Fit gets beat down.  Hornswoggle hides under the ring, and when Miz and Morrison try to find him…

I’m the Boogeyman, and I’m coming to protect leprechauns!  Miz and Morrison bail as the faces stand in the ring, Boogey dancing and Hornswoggle displaying some more of his mic skills.  AAH!  AAH!  AAH!  So I’m the only one who remembers that Finlay and Boogeyman hate each other?  Anyone?  Anyone?  I’m fighting really hard not to bust out the GIF of Finlay doing the Boogeyman dance.

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Big Drippy vs. Matt Hardy (non-title)
Henry throws Hardy to the ground, and they stare down a bit.  Waistlock for Hardy, but he gets thrown down again.  Hardy wants a test of strength, but switches it up with a boot when Henry accepts.  Drippy gets the beatdown, though, Vintage Drippy (thanks Cole, I can do that too) with some clubbing and headbutts.  Double axe handle for Hardy, but Henry gets his body block as Hardy runs the ropes.  Neck wrench, but Hardy kicks out.  Hardy escapes a military press but eats an elbow.  Atlas distraction causes Hardy to get squashed in the corner.  Second-rope banzai drop gets two.

(ads)

Henry is still doing the Drippy special when we return.  Bear hug, and Henry stands on Hardy’s chest.  They do some messed-up counter spot, then Henry slingshots Hardy into the ropes.  Hardy with the sunset flip, usual big man miss on butt drop.  Dropkick and yodeling elbow smash, Side Effect for two!  Twist of Fate countered, and out of nowhere Swagger appears to hit a Doctor Bomb and cause the DQ.
Winner:  Matt Hardy by DQ @ 8:34

This was pretty much on par with all the other stuff these two have done, which is to say it was excellent for a Henry match. 
Match Rating:  5.8/10

(ads)

Paul Burchill and Katie Lea are here, and are the new members of ECW.  Good move, as we need a bigger roster and they got lost on RAW.

ECW Star Paul Burchill vs. DJ Gabriel
Gabriel with some armdrags, and apparently he’s a face now.  I kind of thought he was a heel, since he was annoying me so much, but oh well.  Paul with some punches, but dropkicks for Gabriel.  Burchill stomps in the corner.  Clubs to the back, and a chinlock into a knee strike.  Gabriel hits a back elbow but Burchil stays on top with a sort-of clothesline.  Knee drops and a suplex.  “Expect some skullduggery from Burchill.”  --Striker.  Seriously, Striker is better than life itself at this point.  DJ with punches and a European uppercut and back elbow.  Slingshot into the turnbuckle.  Burchill slips out of a scoop slam and hits a clothesline to the back.  Gabriel fights back but gets pulled off the second rope before he can hit his finisher.  Burchill tries for a DDT but Gabriel somehow turns it into a jackknife rollup for three.  That was a cool finish, actually.
Winner:  DJ Gabriel by Jackknife Cover @ 5:29

I really have an issue with Paul Burchill, and it’s not that he’s terrible…he’s not.  It’s that after spending like…8 years in OVW, his moveset is still basic as hell.  Maybe that’s WWE’s fault, considering Paul is capable of the C-4.  Either way, up until the pretty nice finish this match itself was basic.  Not bad, but very basic. 
Match Rating:  4.9/10

(ads)

Backstage, Boogeyman eats worms and sings Rock-a-Bye Baby to Hornswoggle.   Which WWE just takes as an excuse for Hornswoggle to get some more mic time.  AAH!!  AAH!  AAH!  Let me make something perfectly clear if you’re reading this and are a WWE employee.  NO ONE finds Hornswoggle’s screaming funny.  NO ONE.  This public service announcement brought to you by Your Guiding Light. 


I don’t know if I said this yet or not, but the Burke reference is no longer a weekly feature.  It’s more fun when it just comes, and I don’t have to look for a way to insert it.

Then Boogeyman sings what sounds like the Smurfs theme song.  I don’t even know anymore.

Recap of the HBK/JBL angle, and JBL’s #1 contender win.  I didn’t mind the way they did it, but the JBL/HBK staredown was a little too long.  2-3 minutes of dramatics would have been fine, but it took like…five.  And they were already running over.  Couldn’t they have audibled out of that one?

By the way, the video package itself took three and a half minutes.  I saw it on RAW, a 60-second recap would have been fine.  Thanks.

(ads)

Morrison’s entrance is so much cooler with the accessories.  For a while there he was coming out empty handed.  Incidentally, readers, tell me this.  Am I COMPLETELY imagining things, or are the slow-motion effects much, much better looking every time we get Morrison’s entrance on ECW, than on RAW?  Maybe difference in production crews?  I don’t know…

While Miz and Morrison prepared to fight Finlay and Boogeyman tonight, their friend The Esteemed Admiral Ackbar was elsewhere making the discovery that traps aren’t only found in tag team matches and space battles…

 
Finlay & The Boogeyman vs. John Morrison & The Miz (No DQ tag match)
Side headlock and shoulder block for Finlay.  Leprechaun shenanigans and double seated senton for father and son.  Double clothesline for Boogeyman.  Boogeyman tries to take Miz under the ring but Morrison saves; Lowpei from Horny.  Finlay throws Miz into the ring but gets tripped by Morrison and booted to the floor by Miz, and let me tell you, OUCH.  Finlay legit let his head bounce about a foot off the floor there, the man is one tough mofo.  Miz with a shoulder thrust into the apron, and we’re back into the ring.  Neck wrench for Miz.  Some kicks, and Morrison is in.  Double gutbuster, mounted punches and a legal choke.  Neck wrench and high knee strike, and Miz is back for the corner clothesline.  Is it just me or have they cut down on Miz’s moveset lately?  He was starting to get really good, but now he just mostly stomps, kicks, and uses a neck wrench.  The MnM 2.0 combo connects.  Boogeyman breaks up the cover and runs wild.  Lariats for Finlay and a front kick.  Atomic drop to an attacking Miz, but that provides the distraction for a Morrison roll-up for three.
Winner:  John Morrison & The Miz by Schoolboy at 5:54

First of all, two rollup finishes in the same one-hour show just sucks.  Don’t.  That said, they did the smart thing and basically made this Finlay vs. Miz and Morrison, with Finlay’s partner and son both relegated to minor comic relief and crowd-popping.  The action was fine, though the lack of Morrison Flip Clotheslines was saddening.  Like I mentioned, Miz hasn’t been as good lately as he was over the summer.  Still a good match, though.
Match Rating:  6.2/10

After the match, the faces get revenge, Celtic Cross to Morrison.  Play the leprechaun music!  They  bring kids into the ring and dance.  What, no Gabriel run-in?

Overall Analysis: 
Considering that the guys I consider this show's Big Four (Hardy, Finlay, Miz n' Morrison) all wrestled, I figure I would have been a bit more impressed by the show.  There just wasn't anything that stood out.  I don't know whose fault exactly that is, but the show didn't grab me.  Still somewhat solid, though.
Overall Show Grade: B-

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Comments

  1. Comment #1

    I also remembered the ridiculous feud that saw a little Boogeyman. Nice Akbar picture. Honestly Boogey would be okay if he actually ever wrestled instead of either squashing, or getting squashed.

    Posted by Mordecai on Thursday, January 01, 2009

  2. Comment #2

    WWE should just give up and go ahead and call DJ Gabriel by the name Alex Wright.

    Posted by Asgard on Thursday, January 01, 2009

  3. Comment #3

    This is easily one of the worst ECW's (minus the dirt sheet that might be the best part) I'd like to see ackbar put in more things maybe and admiral ackbar cereal picture to replace the normal (ads) thing but it's you're article

    Posted by EddieRox on Thursday, January 01, 2009

  4. Comment #4

    "Then Boogeyman sings what sounds like the Smurfs theme song. I don’t even know anymore." I gatta say i lol'ed there; B

    Posted by Edgehead on Thursday, January 01, 2009

  5. Comment #5

    Why was this tag match non-DQ anyway? I expected more action there... It wasn't bad, but get more steel chairs involved next time.

    Katie Lea is back this week, first on RAW, now on ECW, hope we'll see her fighting soon! I don't remember anybody else who could beat the Glamazon fair and square. The first ever Diva Ladder match from OVW was class, youtube it if you haven't seen it so far.

    Posted by orsie on Friday, January 02, 2009

  6. Comment #6

    Lol @ that souljaboy comparison

    Posted by RKO on Friday, January 02, 2009

  7. Comment #7

    I guess Burchil came in to fill the void left by Nunzio.

    Posted by Botac on Friday, January 02, 2009

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