The ECW X-Press 2/3/08

2/3/2009

Pre-show run-through:
    Last week, we had a bad, bad, just plain awful show with leprechauns doing main event interviews.  Why is it a parameter of being a bearded midget that you also have to be unable to speak coherently?  By the way, you’ve got to love the RAW title Elimination Chamber where three of their five title challengers were pirated from ECW in the last 9 months.  Kofi Kingston in the chamber is awesome, I dig it.  Mike Knox?  Well, sure, good opportunity to make him seem important, but I don’t think he makes the match better despite how much he’s improved since the Boring Corkscrew STO days.

    We start off with an Annoying The Glide video package recapping The Adventures of Hornswoggle Volume XXIV, The Mean Young Man with Goofy Grin.

(opening video)

Paul Burchill vs. Tommy Dreamer
    Tommy gets a quick rollup and kicks.  The crowd is still totally into him despite the fact that he’s a total jobber.  He nails a big-time armdrag, and another.  Burchill forces Tommy into the corner and pounds him a bit, then counters a bulldog by shoving Dreamer into the ropes.  Striker expresses concern for Tommy’s lymph nodes.  Tremendous.  Scoop slam and side headlock for Paul.  Corner clothesline, but he misses a running high knee.  Dreamer with a rolling elbow smash, but a back elbow saves Burchill for a minute until Dreamer nails a spinebuster.  Tree of Woe is set up, and we have the ECW Dropkick.  AHHHH!  Tommy’s cool enough he can get away with it, unlike Hornswoggle.  Burchill throws Tommy into the turnbuckle and rolls him up for a close two.  Dreamer goes for the Spicolli Driver but Burchill slips out and hits a neckbreaker thing (oddly resembling an inverted RKO) for the win.
Winner:  Paul Burchill by Neckbreaker Thing @ 3:38

    This match started out very bad.  It started getting a little better when we saw some back-and-forth counters and Dreamer started running wild.  But this suffered from one of my least favorite wrestling clichés…the short match that looked like a condensed version of a longer, better match.  It was looking promising, but it could have used another two minutes at the pace they reached near the end.  And I know the idea is that Dreamer jobs to everyone on the brand and then turns it around in time for a title shot, but I just don’t see anyone buying it if they spend too long jobbing Tommy…they should have started this angle in April.
Match Rating:  4.0/10

    Backstage, Jamie Noble makes an appearance in order to make Teddy Long look tall for once.  Jamie is here to save ECW in Matt Hardy’s place.  He’s clearly been on the internet message boards too much as he busts out and modifies the IWC catchphrase “Jamie Noble = Ratin’s!”  Teddy accepts the offer somewhat skeptically.  This is great.  I love me some Jamie Noble.

    To make my life even better, Miz and Morrison are here to treat us to their entrance before…

(ads)

    Back from ads and Peanut Butter and Johnny is rather abruptly launching into chastising the still-in-the-ring Tommy Dreamer for his failures.  Dreamer was to slow to get out of the ring in time for the next segment, but would move a lot faster if there was a fresh cheesecake in catering.  Miz mocks Dreamer’s crying from several weeks ago.  Morrison asks if he really thinks he can become ECW Champion, and they bust out a stereo “Really?”  It’s 2009, and champions don’t look like Dreamer, they look like THE GREATEST TAG TEAM OF THE 21^ST CENTURY!  *stereo lookoff*  Impressively, that line is really starting to get heat.  Miz says that Tommy Dreamer is the opposite of Ric Flair…everyone wants to see him lose one last time and go away.  Miz says that the only reason he hasn’t gone home to retirement is that his family likes him even less than the fans do.  That is enough to send Dreamer over the edge, and he clobbers Miz, but numbers game quickly puts him down and he eats a Reality Check.  Uber-mega-heat for Miz and Morrison, they’re coming along nicely as heels.

    This would be the part where I include an Ackbar refererence, but due to circumstances beyond my control I will have to hold off there.

(ads)

Jamie Noble vs. The Boogeyman
    Striker calls Boogey the “personification of all of our fears”, which is probably true if you fear horrible wrestling.  Noble punches, but Boogey throws him to the corner and punches him back.  Scoop slam, head into the turnbuckle, and a sort-of armdrag.  Shoulder block sends Noble outside, and Boogey presses him over the second rope back into the ring.  Noble grabs the initiative and hits some knees and a second-rope elbow smash.  Noble with a chinlock, but Boogey throws him out.  Noble nails a knee on Boogey’s corner charge, but Boogey no-sells it, hard Irish whip and headbutt and some short-arm clotheslines.  Extremely crappy corner splash, and pump handle slam and we’re done.

Winner:  The Boogeyman by Pump Handle Slam @ 3:50

    Um…why?  Jamie Noble comes over and you can get a fresh start with a very underutilized wrestler, and instead you just job him out to the guy with the least potential to ever be good on the roster?  I know it may sound a little obvious, but I tend to think the guy who gets the win in most matches should be the better wrestler.  IE Shannon Moore could pin Batista clean, and not only would I not blink, I would rejoice.  Anyways, I’d like to bust out my “Noble tried hard but…” line, but Noble didn’t even get to do anything.  This was just an extended squash for a guy who has had too many of them and didn’t deserve the wins in the first place.
Match Rating:  2.5/10

    My god, this main event had better be good or this show’s heading for another F.

(ads)

    Wrestlemania 2 recap.  Allow me to fill the time here by recommending Owen Hart vs. British Bulldog (European Title) as the must-watch oldies match of the week.  Now, I’ve made no secret that though I’m a smart wrestling fan, I’m a new-ish wrestling fan.  I’m certainly not wrestling nerdy enough to be hunting down NWA clips to recommend them to you, but I’ve made a concerted effort to check out early 90’s wrestling a bit more, and this was my prize find this week.  Anyways, RAW Recap.  We’re getting closer and closer to HBK-Taker at Mania.  If it really does happen, it will be my most anticipated PPV ever, who cares what Cena and those other guys are doing.  And I’m not even that much of a Taker mark.

    Backstage, Todd asks SWAGGA what his motivation is.  SWAGGA says he’s the ECW Champion and he wouldn’t have gotten there without being self-motivated.  Tonight, Finlay will get embarrassed as he embarrassed SWAGGA last week.

(ads)

Jack SWAGGA vs. Finlay
    Jack wins the collar-and-elbow, but Fit goes to a waistlock.  Reversal and takedown for Swagger.  Finlay with a slap and rollup for one.  Swagger with a keylock.  Finlay actually counters a single-leg and gets his own takedown.  Finlay is awesome.  It’s seriously depressing how he’s so great, but saddled with the gimmick that is Hornswoggle.  Finlay with a sweet legbar, segueing into an Indian deathlock.  Swagger to the ropes and comes out slugging.  The “collide heads” spot buys both some time.  Finlay gets one with a backslide, and Swagger bails to go watch some…

(ads)

    Finlay is working the short-arm clotheslines and a facelock as we come back.  Maybe it’s just me liking Striker too much, but him being willing to mix it up by calling Finlay “Fit” (just like me) makes me happy.  European uppercut for Finlay, but he is whipped into the buckle.  Back suplex for Swagger and he goes to the body scissors.  Finlay’s submission hold face is one of the greatest things in the WWE ever.  Off the ropes Finlay gets a front kick and headbutts.  Jack nails some kicks in the corner, and a STIFF back elbow.  Midget shenanigans time, as Woggle provides the distraction for an atomic drop and clothesline to the outside.  Swagger stays in control and throws Finlay to the post.  He throws the shillelagh all the way up the ramp, and we’re back inside.  Hotshot to Finlay.  Here’s Hornswoggle with another shillelagh, and he busts up Jack’s ankle.  Clothesline and Celtic Cross for three!

Winner:  Finlay by Celtic Cross @ 9:43

    I’m not complaining about the match itself, but they just ended Jack Swagger’s losing streak on a cheapshot by the FACE.  Look, maybe it’s me personally…hell, probably is, because I’m all for Finlay beating the crap out of people with shillelaghs for illegal wins, and I couldn’t care whether he’s face or heel.  But as a face, having your ‘manager’ club your opponent from behind to win you a high-profile match is not particularly awe-inspiring.  As for the match, it was very near the quality of their first top-notch encounter.  So I’ll overlook the midget stuff in favor of the sweet mat wrestling early and Finlay’s general amazingness. 
Match Rating:  7.2/10

Overall Analysis: 
    The final match qualifies as saving grace for an otherwise awful show.  It was a doozy of a main event, and that makes it work for me.  For that matter, we could just have an hour a week of Swagger versus Finlay, call it ECW and I’d be down for the ride.
Overall Show Grade: C+

As promised:  BONUS!
The Definitive List:  The Glide’s Top 10 Current Wrestlers!

10) Evan Bourne
9) MVP
8) Kurt Angle
7) Chris Jericho

6) Finlay

5) AJ Styles

4) Randy Orton
3) Edge

2) John Morrison

1) Shawn Michaels

    Perhaps this will also shed a little light on why I am what I am when it comes to rating.  In particular my hatred of big stiffs with mediocre talent (see:  M. Knox, P. Burchill, B.Man), as well as my love for technically based matches, shine through my top ten.

Comments

1. Comment #1

   Totally agree with ya, although I would swap Morrison with AJ and Randy with Edge, other then that I totally agree with you, the main event was the only decent thing in that ECW show

   Posted by TheSpecialOne on Sunday, February 08, 2009

2. Comment #2

   Nice as always! So much better than Curtis Cash.

   Posted by kaptenmemo on Sunday, February 08, 2009

3. Comment #3

   Great article as always Glide, but I've gotta disagree with you on the big guy bit. Some of them are pretty damn good, and their physique just grants some options in the match that wouldn't be there otherwise.
   
   That being said, Boogeyman is one of my favorite wrestlers around today. I've always said pro-wrestling's about the show first, and Boogey's gimmick is so all-encompassing, so weird and so well executed not only does he have no choice but to be face cuz we love him so damn much, his matches are the only ones I'm not sitting back going "dammit that could've been executed better" or "wow these guy's have no ring synch at all".
   
   Where most big guy's go wrong is that they're there because they're big and not because they're showmen, even though they try to be. You're not looking at them, you're looking at their flaws and what could be better. Boogey nulls alot of potential pit-falls simply by being Boogey, and then maxes out the performance by being damn good at being Boogey.
   
   So please don't down the man. Or do, cuz, ya know it's your article, but know some folks respectfully disagree :P

   Posted by Tim Taurus on Sunday, February 08, 2009

4. Comment #4

   I'm guessing the circumstances beyond your control are the reason for the lack of Ackbar and GEBRotW... I'd quite like to see your worst 10 wrestlers at the moment as well, figure Boogey's probably on that list.
   
   I've always said I like Boogey as a segmenter, but I'm bored of the squash matches - maybe give him more matches teaming with a Noble/DJ Gabriel/Jimmy Wang Yang type, who are clearly horrified to be alongside him, taking on some of the FCW guys, and keep him out of the ring for extended periods before he comes in on the hot tag and picks up the win. If anyone can make Boogey look good in a match then they deserve a real shot and might pick up a bit of support. Hell, if they're giving match spots to jobbers, might as well let them get the occasional move in... make it a bit more entertaining and get some of the FCW guys experience on the camera. It's not like anyone would really remember that match they jobbed to Boogey if they made it big anyway. Well, apart from "the guy who jobbed to the Big Show once"...

   Posted by The General on Sunday, February 08, 2009

5. Comment #5

   I'll keep downing Boogeyman, sorry. However, you have a right to your opinion. And for that matter, even a bad wrestler can be entertaining when used right. Four hundred squash matches just isn't Boogey's 'right'.
   
   That's not to say that I hate all big men. I'm quite the fan of Big Show and Umaga in particular.
   
   General: I may see if I can come up with that list. Might be fun :) You are correct about the lack of Ackbar and Elijah, and without pointing any fingers, note that my intro banner has also disappeared :(

   Posted by The Glide on Sunday, February 08, 2009

6. Comment #6

   -Boogeyman, please stop. The only thing scary about you is the fact that have less wrestling skills than the Human Kickstand
   -Human Kickstand, please take a shelleligh (however its spelt) shot from Finlay and leave us in peace. Your infernal laughter burns my ears
   -Finlay, dispose of the Human Kickstand ASAP and turn heel. As the Glide said, you can't get illegal wins and be a face, it doesn't add up.
   -Why... who... how... Elijah... Ackbar... INTRO BANNER!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!1 [cue evil voice] these unforunate "Circumstances" shall be overcome or else feel my impending wrath MUHAHAHAHA [exit evil voice] So yh, if you can, bring them back... plz ;D

   Posted by Sean Ryker on Sunday, February 08, 2009

7. Comment #7

   “personification of all of our fears”, which is probably true if you fear horrible wrestling. I love it-this was a great comment^^^^

   Posted by The Great RKO on Sunday, February 08, 2009

8. Comment #8

   There should be a comment like sorry no banner this week hornswoggle stole it.
   (Worst storyline for an ECW main event ever as comic book guy would say)

   Posted by EddieRox on Monday, February 09, 2009

9. Comment #9

   Definetely, Boogey sucks. That's it, crystal clear. Horrible skills, mediocre to no mic work, nothing.
   On the other hand, I must tell you Glide that you really should check out Burchill's early work in the indies; hey, you could just remember when he was brought to tag with Regal, when he was using the Fujiwara armbar as a finisher, and worked mostly mat wrestling based matches. He was super back then.

   Posted by havok on Monday, February 09, 2009

10. Comment #10

    you said they ended jack swaggers losing streak not winning streak

    Posted by Error on Monday, February 09, 2009

11. Comment #11

    still stuck in the past, glide? its 09 now buddy!

    Posted by Error :-) on Tuesday, February 10, 2009

12. Comment #12

    I don't make the titles Mr. Smiley Error...My date is correct, Remorce's is off.
    
    And "losing streak"...oops, lol. :D

    Posted by The Glide on Wednesday, February 11, 2009

13. Comment #13

    Can't wait for next week's with CHRISTIAN!

    Posted by EddieRox on Thursday, February 12, 2009

Leave a comment