The ECW X-Press! 4/29/2008

Pre-show run-through:

Last week, nothing important happened.  It was thrilling.

Kane successfully defended his title at Backlash, with really no involvement at all from Bam Neely, which begs the question…we brought him in why now?  Anyways, Kane will either continue to feud with Chavo tonight, or find a new opponent.

I hope they can do better this week than last week, because outside of Edge keeping the main event interview interesting, the show was iffy, what with the ten minutes of in ring action.

(opening video)

ECW tonight comes to us from Atlantic City.  Adamle welcomes us on behalf of his partner The Tazz.  Is he making fun of himself now?

MATT STRIKER’S CLASSROOM!  It returns tonight!  Okay, I will admit I’m a bit of a mark for Striker’s intellectual humor.

Shelton and Kofi meet in the ring, and Benji has a mic.  He says Kofi got lucky with a fluke win.  The luck and Kofi’s undefeated streak are about to run out.  UNLESS THEY’RE COMPLETELY STUPID, Shelton should get his win back this week with a sneaky roll-up.

Benjamin starts out fast with a roll-up and clubs to the neck.  Three aggressive scoop slams lead to a side slam backbreaker.  Kofi hits some chops, but a kick is caught by Benjamin and turned into an inside leg trip.  Punches by Shelton, then he hauls Kofi up for kicks and another backbreaker.  Kofi gets set on top of the buckle and Benjamin lands some punches.  Superplex attempt fails and Kofi pushes Benjamin off, but Shelton lands on his feet, leaps to the top and gets pushed off again, then Kofi gets a super high crossbody.  Benjamin rolls through for two.  Benjamin gets an electric chair drop.  Corner clothesline puts Kofi on the mat.  Whip to the other corner, second corner clothesline is dodged and Kofi steals it again with Trouble in Paradise.

First, the match quality was fine.  Too short, as is my constant complaint on ECW matches.  But they worked well together, worked hard, and made each other look decent.

But…although I wrote the ‘completely stupid’ line above before the match started, after it was over I headed back up to caps lock it for your benefit.  Because the fact is, Shelton Benjamin is a better worker than Kofi, has more credible offense than Kofi, and in both of their matches has carried the majority of the offense.  So why…why…why are we jobbing him out TWICE inside of four minutes.  Shelton Benjamin should not be losing to anyone on the whole brand in four minutes.   Much less twice, and much less to Kofi Kingston.  Look, I know I complain about Kofi not beating anyone important, but in this case beating a formerly respectable ECW title contender twice in squash matches is something that no one’s going to remember a year from now, except when people look back and wonder why Shelton Benjamin is still spinning his wheels on the C show with all the talent he’s got, and then the light bulb will go off…it’s because they haven’t got the common sense to let him look like a winner even one out of two matches against a new talent.

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Adamle sings.  Tommy Dreamer is out.  Wearing a Judgment Day shirt.  Haha…how awesome would it be if Colin started wearing shirts from the pay-per-view BEFORE Dreamer’s?

Tommy takes the early lead with some hard punches and kicks.  Knox shifts the momentum with a clothesline, stomps, elbow drops, and a headlock.  Back suplex which doesn’t really work.  Knox takes a side trip to smack Colin in the face and whip him into the steel steps.  Dreamer takes advantage with a dropkick.  Dreamer checks on Colin, Knox in turn takes advantage and sends Dreamer face first into the ring post.  The Boring Corkscrew STO gets Knox the win.

Match Rating: 2.6/10

Upon watching the replay, A) Dreamer’s face hitting the ringpost made an awesome smack, B) whoever was working the camera for that shot of Knox’s finisher deserves a raise, because it actually looked pretty devastating and it was completely due to the camera work.

(ads)

Next week is WWECW’s 100^th episode.  I sure hope they have people win who make sense to win, unlike this week.

We are joined in the ring by our teacher, Matt Striker.  Spring break is over and now we need to be taught.  While we are becoming acclimated to the commentary stylings of Adamle, Smackdown viewers will be hearing the voice of this man.

Out comes Mick Foley.  Striker welcomes him.  Striker has a lesson for Foley to get him started…we are all familiar with Foley’s in-ring prowess…Foley interrupts to shill his books and relationship with Katie Couric.  Striker says that Foley has a face suited for radio.  The eyes are the window to the soul, but Mick’s smile is a window to the back of his throat.  Nor is Mick obviously recently coming from or going to a gym.  Mick says that he likes the way he looks, because his scars remind him that he sacrificed to entertain the fans.  Striker, meanwhile, has never sacrificed anything or entertained anyone.  I PROTEST!  Striker says that perception is reality, and Foley looks like he just finished smoking pot in his dorm room.  Striker bags on Foley’s sweatpants, and Foley says that they contain testicular fortitude and does the cheap pop.

Striker says that Smackdown has great technical wrestlers, and wonders if Mick knows the difference between a Northern Lights Suplex and the Northern State Parkway, a Boston Crab and Boston cream pie, or an armbar and an armoire.  Foley pulls out Socko to teach the teacher that Striker is an arrogant, condescending, LOOK OVER THERE, Mandible Claw and out.  This segment went a little long, but Striker is always worth it.

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Palumbo takes a cheap shot before the bell, and they shove and mouth off for a while.  Palumbo gets clubs and a scoop slam, but misses an elbow drop and Punk kicks him apart.  Palumbo hit s a clothesline, stomps Punk in the corner, hits a back suplex, and locks in a headlock.  Punk stays in it forever, and finally gets out only to be worked over in the corner.  The ref stops Punk from properly reversing, and Palumbo takes advantage to keep pounding Punk.  The ref calls for the bell.  Um…okay?

I’m really not sure what they were doing here…but that’s nothing new this week, eh?  Palumbo’s offense bores me to tears.  Punk, a guy who will ostensibly be a world champion on another brand this year, was completely dominated.  It hurt Punk, and it didn’t help Palumbo much.  Painful match to watch.

After the match, they brawl…Palumbo takes the advantage for some reason and leaves standing tall as Punk cries a little inside.  “In high school, I watched Mrs. Doubtfire.  I cried at the end and the other kids laughed at me.”  --John Morrison while impersonating Punk on the Dirt Sheet

Recap of Regal’s premature ending of the show on RAW.  Lots of echoing and flashback make it last a full three minutes.  Recaps are all well and good, but long ones usually aren’t worth the air time.

(ads)

Next week:  Delaney vs. Estrada for Delaney’s contract, as well as Dreamer vs. Knox in and Extreme rules match.  That could be a fun match if they give them time and let Dreamer go wild.

Adamle leaves the broadcast table without explanation right before Kane’s entrance.  Maybe pyro scares him?  Tazz says Judgment Day is sponsored by Rambo, then leaves as well.  If this is part of the silly Regal angle, they should make that more clear.  If it’s an ‘Adamle is angry about people saying he sucks’ angle like they’re hinting on WWE.com, then they shouldn’t have done it.  If it’s a shoot, lord have mercy.

Kane takes control of Chavo while Bam watches from the apron.  Snapmare, military press, and a big toss as Chavo tries for a tornado DDT.  Bam pulls Chavo outside to regroup.

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Back from break, the regroup did Chavo little good as he is being launched off the turnbuckle by Kane.  Chavo manages a dropkick to the leg, though, and tags in Neely.  Kane works him over with uppercuts and kicks, then Chavo provides the distraction to let Neely get some lefts and kicks.  Chavo is back in for European uppercuts, but Kane backdrops him to the outside on a charge.  Neely yanks Kane off the apron, and Kane sells injury in the same knee that Guerrero and Neely injured last week. Neely works some stomps and more left hands, and Guerrero is in again to torque Kane’s leg in the ropes and go up top for mounted punches.  Kane tries a chokebomb out of the corner, but Chavo escapes and hits a dropkick.  Kane sits up and hits a massive uppercut and a back body drop.  Two corner clotheslines and a side slam are interrupted by Neely, who eats uppercuts, a corner clothesline, and a side slam for his troubles.  Flying clothesline hits to Neely, Kane tries a chokeslam on Chavo, but Bam kicks him in the face and Chavo ends with a frog splash.

This match had to fight uphill due to not having any commentary.  They did okay, but it was nothing to write home about.  Neely didn’t do any actual wrestling moves the whole match, which was a bit worrisome.  Chavo and Kane played their parts well, but it’s hard to make handicap matches that exciting (at least ones not involved Shawn Michaels gushing blood).  The ending was weak, Neely had been kicking and punching Kane all match but one big kick took him from chokeslam-ready to completely out for Chavo to go up top?

Overall Analysis:  

This show was probably even worse than last week, due to Edge not being around to drag it out of the gutter.  Every single match was pretty slow-paced, except for a passable opener won by the wrong guy.  It’s pretty awful when the highlight of your show is Matt Striker (awesome as he is) talking.  I will say that I am digging the Dreamer/Knox extreme rules match coming up next week.  It could be awesome if they give it time, but I’m sure they’ll just have Knox win by an STO on a trash can in ninety seconds.  Anyways, the main event was passable and moved the story along for Chavo’s last shot at the title, and the rest of the show was plagued by awful booking.

Overall Show Grade: D+

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