The ECW X-Press! 6/10/2008

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Pre-show run-through:

Teddy Long was announced last week as the new GM of ECW.  I’ve always liked Long because he’s one of the few shining examples of a face GM in recent memory.  We previously had a heel GM on all three shows at once, and I think Long keeps it fresh, as well as allowing his brand to be the ‘face brand’ in any given brand feud, as was Long’s Smackdown roster during the “Is Big Show good or evil?” feud in ’05.

Meanwhile, Punk lost to Kane in an average, competitive main event.  Matt Sydal made his ECW debut as an accessory to the brilliant Kofi/Shelton feud.  And former GM Estrada had to swallow his own medicine, and now needs to win a match sometime soon to keep himself on the roster.

(opening video)

Mike Adamle welcomes us to ECW on behalf of himself and his partner The Taz, and plugs the main event, in which Kane and Punk, one week after beating the hell out of each other, will once again team up for a tag title match against those of Dirt Sheet fame.

As Matt Sydal Evan Bourne makes his entrance for a tag match, we get a fairly run-of-the mill promo from him on a sidebar about how he’s waited his whole life for this.

Bourne quickly gets overpowered by Knox, and Benjamin hits a kick and tries to throw Bourne from the ring, only for Bourne to somersault, bounce off the ropes, and nail him in the face with a flying kick.  Double tag.  Kofi jumps over Knox, hits the flying mounted corner punches, two dropkicks, and then is distracted by Benji to set up for a Knox clothesline.  Benji gets a snap suplex and locks in a chinlock that actually looks credible.  Kofi hits a running monkey flip and Benjamin FLIPS THROUGH.  High dropkick for Kofi.  Knox comes in for a standing surfboard.  Kofi kicks out and tags in Bourne for a FLAPJACK COUNTER RANA!  Dropkick connects but Knox kicks Bourne off the apron.  He throws Kofi into the ring but the Jamaican pops up for a Trouble in Paradise.  Benjamin and Kofi brawl as Bourne comes off the rope for a missile dropkick and the win.

Fine little match.  If they had given it eight or nine minutes it could have been a ‘great’ match, as it stands it was a dandy little opener.  Obviously, I like or love all the guys involved, with one notable exception.  But even the big meatbag came through this time, getting the assist on the move of the match with the flapjack throw that led to the awesome rana by Bourne.

Backstage, some random chick named Tiffany sits in Long’s office.  Armando Estrada hits on her and Long enters to introduce her as his new assistant.  Long says that Estrada can earn his contract tonight against Finlay.

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We get a way too long video package on the McMahon giveaway garbage.  Meanwhile, Kelly is taking a page from Michelle McCool’s book with some matching elbow pads to her ensemble.

Kelly hits a sweet little rollover overhead kick.  Vic quickly retakes control with a big kick and a hammerlock turnbuckle throw.  Hard arm takedown and one-arm Buffalo sleeper set the tone for ‘working the arm.  Kelly flips through an armbar but gets leveled and we return to the Buffalo sleeper.  Kelly hits a hard overhead kick and a headscissors floatover takedown.  She hits a victory roll for two, but gets taken to the apron.  She chokes Victoria with a handstand apron headscissors, but Vic just throws her on her face (Kelly doing just what it sounds like, falling from a handstand belly first to the concrete, props for that bump) and Kelly is counted out.

Pretty paint-by-number Divas match.  Nothing special, other than Victoria’s typical amazing funniness.

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Finlay comes out to Hornswoggle’s music.  Eff that. 

Armando attacks before the bell and finds that it only makes Finlay angry.  Clotheslines and a splash, corner spear from the Irishman.  Emerald Fusion makes this a quick match. 

Well, the more Finlay beating the hell out of people we can fit onto WWE programming, the better.

We are joined ringside by Teddy Long’s Swank Music.  In a moment, Long hits the ramp to announce that Estrada and his abs have one more chance to prove themselves worth their contract against Colin Delaney.  This paragraph was copied verbatim from last week’s report.  There’s an added twist, though, as Finlay takes a shillelagh shot to Estrada’s knee before the match.

Colin slides in, hits a quick DDT, and wins.

Hardly a match, so rating it really doesn’t mean much.  Using Finlay’s attack to make things a little different than last week and allow Colin to win with an actual move was much appreciated.

Teddy Long hasn’t had enough, yet, though.

Hornswoggle Tadpole Splashes the still down Estrada.

Okay...we get it.  Match Rating:  1.0/10 

After the match, Finlay, Hornswoggle, and Colin dance together.  It’s all fun and games until Colin takes Hornswoggle’s hat and puts it on Finlay.  Then Finlay kills Colin with the shillelagh.  Haha.  I love remorseless badass tweener Finlay.

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Mark Henry is here for a…promo?  He calls out Big Show based on Smackdown’s happenings this week.  He says he just wants to shake Show’s hand, and does so.  Show says if he’s campaigning to get his ass whipped, he’ll be elected soon.  Henry leaves.  PROMO OF THE YEAR!  Or…not.

As Show turns to leave, he is interrupted by PYRO!  Kane is out for a staredown.  Eventually Kane heads to the ring for his match as Show leaves up the ramp.

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I swear if these four guys all suddenly broke into the Oreo dance in the middle of the ring, I would just die laughing right now.

Morrison leads things off with an arm wrench.  Punk counters into a hammerlock.  Punk hits a side kick for one.  Miz comes in and eats buckle thanks to Punk.  Some punches are traded.  Punk slingshots Miz out of the ring and hits a flying crossbody to the outside.

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Kane lays into Miz’s arm with a spinning arm crush as we return.  Crucifix armbar stays locked on for a while.  Miz eventually counters into mounted punches.   Kane hits a big boot on a corner charge.  Corner clothesline X 2, the old standby side slam, and he goes up top.  Morrison distracts him, and Miz capitalizes by dodging the clothesline and tagging in Morrison.  Clubs and kicks to Kane, and a headlock.  Miz is back in to punch away and hit his own corner clothesline.  Morrison hits a missile dropsault and more mounted punching.  Miz is in and Kane finally turns the tide with a back body drop for the tag.  Punk hits Morrison with an overhead kick, scoop slam, a bunch of knee strikes, and a powerslam.  Miz provides a distraction and Morrison nails the Moonlight Drive for the quick win.

I am so over Punk and Kane as a team.  They have no chemistry together, and that made this match almost as slow as their match last week.  As for Miz and Morrison, both men did WAY too much punching.  Morrison turned it up to a satisfactory level late in the match, and that’s about the only thing that kept this from being the worst main event since the Gulf of Mexico match.

Overall Analysis:  

By the end of this show, I barely remembered what had happened twenty minutes earlier, that’s how forgettable it was.  Sydal once again carried a superb match in the opener.  After that, complete and utter garbage.  Confusing promo leading to a feud we’ve already seen.  Mediocre Divas match with no storyline behind it.  Repeat of last week on the Estrada/Delaney front.  Repeat of last week on the crappy main event front.  This.  Show.  Sucked.  Although I may just still be in a bad mood about not getting to hear Finlay’s badass music.

Overall Show Grade: D-

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