The ECW X-Press! 6/24/08

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Pre-show run-through:

Okay, I’m not going to lie.  This pre-show runthrough is post-show based.  As in, seeing the results of the WWE supplemental draft on Wednesday before writing this.  Let’s hop briefly into the time machine and see what will happen, umm…tomorrow from ECW’s perspective, combined with what has already happened Monday.

Leaving ECW:

CM Punk

Kane

Shelton Benjamin

Kofi Kingston

Matt Striker

Layla

Big Daddy V

Joining ECW:

Matt Hardy

Finlay & Hornswoggle

Mark Henry

Super Crazy

Well, gosh, WWE, thanks for taking our four most over wrestlers in exchange for Matt Hardy, a jobber, and three guys who were ALREADY ON ECW.  This is *brawler* ridiculous (5 Questions reference, for those in the know).  Obviously Show will be our new champion next week, though he is still technically a Smackdown superstar.  But even then, Matt Hardy and the Leprechaun Comedy Theatre are not much of a return for ECW’s four biggest singles stars (excluding Morrison for the moment, though properly booked he could be better than any of them).  Seriously.  *Brawler* WWE.  Though I sure hope they give Matt Striker a push on Raw.

We open the show with a stupid video package about the stupid McMahon crap.  (For the person in the comments section last week who said I sounded bitter…you have had seen nothing yet).  Teddy Long offers his thoughts and prayers, hugs and kisses to McMahon.  He welcomes ECW’s newest superstar (Hardy), treating all four other guys like jobbers by not mentioning them, which incidentally, is true.  Besides that, with the US title still on his waist, Hardy is likely to spend as much time on Smackdown as this show for the next two months.

THEY DON’T GIVE MORRSION SLO-MO ON HIS ENTRANCE.  I’d be firing someone.

Hardy gets an armdrag on Morrison to start.  Punk comes in quickly for a takedown.  Miz tags in and takes a round kick from Punk.  Hardy stomps away.  Miz gets what looks like a running backhand slap.  Manly offense there bro.  Snapmare and neck wrench.  The crowd is very, very bored and that’s saying something with how relatively over both faces are.  Punk is in for kicks, Hardy and Punk hit stereo Knee of Doom/Corner Clothesline to the heels in opposite corners.  ~STEREO BULLDOGS!  Punk whiffs on a springboard clothesline and Morrison pulls the ropes down to send Punk outside.

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Miz and Morrison hit the slingshot/forearm smash/backbreaker/flying legdrop sequence.  SHADES OF DYKSTRA AND NITRO!  That sounded way cooler in my head.  Morrison chokes Punk for a four count, and kicks him in the face on the apron.  Double gutbuster from the tag champs and Miz is in.  Chinlock for a bit, and finally Punk gets a back suplex.  Morrison cuts off the tag and more chinlock.  Punk goes for GTS, but Morrison escapes.  Hardy is in for loping clotheslines and a back body drop.  Second rope elbow smash gets two.  Side Effect gets another two!  Miz interferes, Punk equalizes, elbow drop by Hardy to set up for the Twist, but Morrison counters, Miz interferes again, springboard enziguiri for two.  Hornwoggle distracts Miz, Punk attacks Miz, Morrison attacks Punk, Twistoffateonetwothree.  That was really confusing.

There were much better ways to remind us of the title match Sunday.  The match itself was fine but dear lord that ending was a cluster(*brawler*).  Not great by any means but fine.

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Kingston hits punches.  Benjamin gets a running forearm shot.  Kofi floats over a suplex and hits a running elbow smash and a dropkick.  Springboard crossbody to the outside sets us up for weapons.  Benjamin takes Kofi into the apron.  He nails Kingston with a mic and Kofi takes a sweet bump into the steps.  Chair shot, kick to the head, kick to the ribs, and a sweet military press rib breaker.  Benji throws a trash can at Kofi’s face.  Benjamin wedges a trash can between the second and third buckles, then nails some shots with a second can.  Suplex onto a trash can, and that looked extremely painful.  Choke in the ropes, and a bear hug by Shelton.  Shelton hits two Stinger Splashes, but eats trash can lid while attempting a third.  Kingston goes to town with the lid.  Benjamin saves himself from a chair shot, and goes for the turnbuckle powerbomb on the aforementioned trash can, but Kofi headscissors him into it.  Trouble in Paradise puts an end to this feud.

I’m gonna miss these guys.  I’m gonna miss this feud.  Against my better judgment, I’m being bitter and enjoying this show at the same time.  This was a damn fun match.  They’re screwing up badly by not giving Shelton an ECW title run before they ship him off to Smackdown’s midcard.  Ditto to a lesser extent for Kofi.

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Draft recap.  Tazz actually acknowledges that a Raw wrestler is facing a Smackdown wrestler Sunday for the ECW title.  Kane laughs backstage.  That segment was great the first forty times they did it.

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Knox hits boring offense.  Bourne slides to the outside on an irish whip attempt, and hits kicks.  Knox hits a short arm clothesline.  The Stevie Who? connects.  Boring butterfly lock.  Boring clubs to the back.  Mildly interesting modified abdominal stretch.  Bourne gets a chop block.  Leaping kick, missile dropkick for two.  Bourne gets a repeat of the ~FLAPJACK RANA!  Back elbow smash in the corner, but Knox hits a backbreaker out of nowhere to lead to the Boring Corkscrew STO, which was significantly less boring when he hit it without pausing for ten seconds.

I have the sneaking suspicion that last week’s Shooting Star Press was against WWE’s booking, we won’t see it again, and Bourne just got punished.  I may be wrong and they're just trying to build a competitive feud, though.  Knox is, you guessed it, boring.

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Big Show joins the table for commentary.

Henry does things that might hurt a 200-pound guy as Kane pretends it hurt.  Kane comes back hard with rights but Henry knocks him over.  Kane throws more hands and Henry locks in a bear hug.  Kane with uppercuts and an awesomely random enziguiri.  Kane goes up top but takes too long staring at Show and Henry catches him with the World’s Wettest Slam for three.

Thanks for coming, Kane.  Please get off my TV, Mark.

Overall Analysis:  

There was good and there was bad.  I liked the Kofi/Shelton match, and the matches before and after it were passable.  Unfortunately, Mark Henry was in our main event.  Unfortunatelier, the show had very little direction tonight.  Unfortunateliest, ECW just got robbed at gunpoint and now we’re headed for a Big Show vs. Mark Henry title feud.

Overall Show Grade: C+

The ECW X-Press will be on vacation next week.  Enjoy (spoiler) your new champion (/spoiler) and I'll see you in two weeks.

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