The Extreme Briefing: ECW Report for 12/22/09

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-TWG Publisher

Good day everybody, you’re viewing The Extreme Briefing. This is the best name I could think of right now, so if you have any suggestions, feel free to hit me up.

Anyway…

ECW is live in Orlando, Florida!!!

Segment #1: Opening

Jack Swagger makes his way out, and remains on the stage. He begins by claiming that ECW was worth watching again, then talks about the ECW Homecoming. He then rips off Christian and Tommy Dreamer.

Jack Swagger Promo is run. “I look like a winner, I sound like a winner…” It’s too bad you don’t sound like one.

And of course, he says that he will be our new ECW Champion.

Segment Rating: C-

Nothing special, really. The Swagger promo looked decent though.

Match #1: Zack Ryder (w/ Rosa Mendes [with way too much lipstick])  vs Tommy Dreamer

Playback from two weeks ago is run.

The two begin with a lock up, Dreamer off the ropes, shoulder block, off the ropes, Ryder attempting a hip toss, blocked, Dreamer with a hip toss and an Arm Drag. Ryder fights back with some blows. Ryder sends Dreamer off the ropes, Back Body Drop countered and Dreamer sends Ryder out of the ring with a clothesline. Dreamer on the apron and is then distracted by Rosa. Ryder pulls him down onto the floor. Ryder with some knees and sends Dreamer back into the ring and gets a one count. Mounted Punches from Ryder, and he gets a Headlock in. Dreamer is back up, runs off the ropes and gets a Sunset Flip for a two. Ryder now with a Roughryder for a one count. Dreamer gets his head smashed on the middle turnbuckle, then facewashed. Ryder up to the top, Dreamer gets up and nails a Superplex. Both men are down. Ryder with a punch, blocked by Dreamer. Dreamer with another right hand and sends Ryder off the ropes for a Back Body Drop followed by a Clothesline and a Scoop Slam. Two count for Dreamer. Dreamer picks Ryder up to be nailed in the gut with Ryder’s head. Dreamer whips Ryder off to the turnbuckle, Ryder lands a boot to Dreamer and goes up top. He leaps off, but is caught and Slingshotted into the corner. Dreamer ties him up, and lands a Baseball Slide. Dreamer goes for a DDT but Ryder goes out to the apron and catches Dreamer at the ropes, and lands a Zack Attack for the win.

Match Rating: C+

Solid opening match, nothing too spectacular, but an entertaining match anyway.

NOTE: This is Dreamer’s last match in ECW. Good luck to Dreamer in future endeavors.

Goldust vs Vance Archer and Jack Swagger vs Yoshi Tatsu is hyped.

DID YOU KNOW?

Over 16 Million people watch WWE every week in the U.S!!!

Segment #2: Abraham Washington Show

Tony welcomes Abe, who makes his entrance and is immediately flooded by boos. He begins his show with supporting Tiger Woods’ actions.

“There’s nothing wrong with playing more than 18 holes” – Abe

And now, welcome his guests: Trent Barreta and Caylen Croft!!!

They leap over Abe’s couch, causing him to get angered. Don’t mess with his furniture, foo’.

“Have you actually seen us in the ring?” – Barreta

“What? Haven’t you seen me in the ring?!” – Abe

“NO!”

“Yeah, you’re right about that…” – Abe

Barreta then rips off Miz and Morrison and the Hart Dynasty, and brags about their team. And apparently, you can’t compare a N64 to a Xbox 360…

“I can’t afford no drinks on this show, this is ECW, not Monday Night RAW!” – Abe

LMAO

Croft then states that their moms are their biggest fans.

Tony talks about how he was tag champs in his day, and Barreta cruelly says: “Who cares?”

And wow! Abe defends Tony Atlas!! GO ABE!

Anyway, the show’s over. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Segment Rating: D+

Nothing special once again. It was surprising that Abe defended Tony though. Not many funny lines from Tony this line, but meh, it’s still okay.

Segment #2: Backstage Conversation

Jack Swagger enters Tiffany’s office and doesn’t believe how she’s still running the show. Tiffany then claims it’s easier and better without Swagger around. Swagger then brags about being the new ECW Champion, then THE HURRICANE arrives!!

Swagger questions Hurricane’s super powers, and he answers by saying they are limitless. He also can do anything… Except fix Thwagger’s lisp!! OWNED

Segment Rating: D

Hurricane was great, but nobody really excelled at their performance in this short segment.

John Cena Tribute to the Troops video package is played.

Match #2: Vance Archer vs Goldust (ECW Homecoming Qualifying Match)

I for one am excited to see Archer work a proper match, not a jobber squash one.

.24 KARAT PICTURES PRESENTS...

GOLDUST!!!

The match begins with a lock up, and Goldust is backed up into the corner. They exchange blows with Archer getting the best of it. Archer whips Goldust, reversed, and Goldust lands a Hip Attack. Goldust with blows to Archer, whips Archer, reversed and goes into the corner. Archer pins him for a two count. Body Blows to Goldust, then a Scoop Slam. Submission hold by Archer, Goldust is up, Archer works on the back of Goldust. He gets Goldust down for a two. More attacks and a submission hold on the back. Goldust gets up but is whipped off the ropes, ducks a Clothesline and lands two of his own. Archer reverses an Irish Whip, but his attempt at a Back Body Drop is countered. Goldust off the ropes, Bulldog for a two. Goldust attempts a Suplex but it’s blocked. Archer lifts Goldust and slams him into the corner. Archer lifts Goldust up, lets him down and connects with his Reverse DDT for the three.

Match Rating: C+

Solid match, good to see Archer work a proper match.

Smackdown Rebound.

Ezekiel Jackson vs Vladimir Kozlov on Superstars is advertised.

Segment #3: Backstage Preparation

Backstage, Christian is instructing Yoshi Tatsu on how to win his match against Swagger. Swagger interrupts, then Yoshi spits some words out in Japanese, and Christian agrees. Swagger brags a victory over Yoshi and Christian at the Rumble.

“What a… JACKASS!” – Yoshi

LMAO

Segment Rating: D-

Nothing special, although the ending amused me. I didn’t think that Yoshi would know how to say “Jackass”.

Match #3: Jack Swagger vs Yoshi Tatsu (ECW Homecoming Qualifying Match)

Evan Bourne vs Matt Hardy next week on ECW!!!

The two begin locked up. Swagger gets Yoshi down, and gets him in a Body Lock, and then a Belly to Back Slam. Swagger keeps the Body Lock locked in. Yoshi back up on his feet and attempts to get out but Swagger with another Belly to Back Slam. Swagger with some blows now. Swagger shoots Yoshi off the ropes and Yoshi counters a Back Body Drop. Yoshi off the ropes and a School Boy for the two count. Yoshi with a Dropkick for a two. Yoshi and Swagger exchange blows now. Yoshi attempts his Kick, but is caught by Swagger who takes him to the corner for some Shoulder Barges. Swagger shoots Yoshi into the other corner and gets him with a Clothesline. Swagger gets in an Arm Lock. The crowd gets behind Yoshi and he attempts to stand, but Swagger stops him. Takedown by Swagger and another Arm Lock. Yoshi back up on his feet, but Swagger locks Yoshi in a grip, and attempts his Gutwrench Powerbomb but Yoshi rolls through and attempts his High Kick, but Swagger ducks it.

After the commercial break, we see Yoshi in an Arm Lock. Swagger takes him to the corner and weakens him with some forearms. Swagger whips Yoshi off into the other corner, Yoshi extends his legs but Swagger blocks, gets Yoshi caught up in the ropes and lands a forearm and gets a two count. Swagger lands a big Back Suplex for a close fall. Swagger with a Belly to Belly Slam and goes on to taunt Yoshi with pushups. He proceeds to attack Yoshi with elbow drops, finished with a Leg Drop. Two count for Swagger, and he locks in another Arm Lock. Swagger tosses Yoshi to the ropes as he stands, and lands a couple of forearms. Swagger attempts a Back Suplex, but Yoshi rolls through and lands a Low Kick. He can’t continue his offense as Swagger nails a Clothesline followed by a kick. Swagger whips him from corner-to-corner, charges but misses. Yoshi now on the offense with low and middle kicks, finished off with a Dropkick, followed by another. Yoshi off the ropes, Swagger catches him but Yoshi lands a Mysterio-like Bulldog. Swagger’s in the corner, and Yoshi charges at him with knees. Yoshi rolls through and attempts a kick, Swagger ducks, attempts a roll-up, Yoshi sits up and gets a two count. Forearm by Yoshi and attempts an Irish Whip, Swagger reverses and misses his attack. Yoshi charges, Swagger tosses him onto the apron, Swagger is dazed with a forearm. Yoshi gets on the top, Swagger attempts to stop him but fails, and Yoshi with a big Spinning Wheel Kick for a two count!! Both men are down, recuperating. Yoshi stands up first and is pulled onto the ropes and Swagger rolls him up for a two. Swagger stalking Yoshi now. Swagger quickly moves behind Yoshi and strikes him with a big Clothesline for a two count!! Swagger lifts Yoshi up onto his shoulders and slams him onto the turnbuckle, and lands an Oklahoma Slam!! Swagger with his Signature Body Press… One… Two… YOSHI GOT THE BOTTOM ROPE!!!

Swagger pulls Yoshi up and Yoshi with a MASSIVE High Kick for the three count!!

Yoshi Tatsu qualifies for the ECW Homecoming!!!

Segment Rating: A

I don’t care what anybody else thinks, but I think that this match was AMAZING. Had the Undertaker/HBK at Wrestlemania quality, definitely did. I don’t think they looked sloppy at all, Swagger performed extremely well, just like he did on RAW, and Yoshi did spectacularly as well. With lots of close falls and what not, this match was definitely a match to remember. I would love to see these two perform together again.

And now Kane, Ezekiel Jackson, Vance Archer and Yoshi Tatsu are going to the grand finale of the ECW Homecoming. I for one hope that Evan Bourne will make it next week and I would love to see either him or Yoshi beat Christian at the Rumble. Give ECW a new face and send Christian somewhere else.

Show Rating: C

The matches could have given the show a B rating, but the segments dragged it down. I said it before, and I’ll say it again. The main event is definitely a match to remember, I wouldn’t mind seeing it at Wrestlemania either if they perform like this again. If they step up their game even more, it would definitely score an A* rating. Just 5 points off the A* in my ratings.

I liked this show a lot, I did, and I would have enjoyed it more if I didn’t have to write this report on Christmas…

Well…

I’ve been Sommerlund, and you consider yourselves hungry.

Cook up some turkey, eat it with the family…

And save me some while you’re at it, will ya?

Just mail it to (whisper whisper)…

Great, thanks.

Seriously though, I wish all of you readers a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Comments

1. Comment #1

   1ST
   YOU MAKE ME WANT TO WATCH ecw! NOT COOL!

   Posted by Phenom The Vampire Lord on Tuesday, December 29, 2009

2. Comment #2

   lol boss

   Posted by The Nice guy on Tuesday, December 29, 2009

3. Comment #3

   wow goldust is doing well teaching yoshi tatsu english
   swagger got OWNED
   good luck tommy
   i would like evan bourne to win homecoming
   great article

   Posted by matt on Tuesday, December 29, 2009

4. Comment #4

   Yeah I hope Bourne wins as well Bourne to Fly

   Posted by Twisted Angel010400 on Friday, January 01, 2010

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