The Heart of the Phighter: Untitled

Hello, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Let's get right to it, as I'm not in the mood to be much of a showman:

RAW's Guest Hosts

What do Jewel, Ty Murray, Cheech, Chong, and Jerry Springer have in common? They're all somewhat popular? No. I'm digusted by them hosting Monday Night RAW? Yeah.

Ty Murray is pretty much a Rodeo COWBOY. Jewel is a singer who I've never heard of. Jerry Springer hosts one of the shows on television that makes you step back and realize that the human race is doomed. Cheech and Chong? They're famous for, among other things, their love for cannabis. Don't believe that last statement? Don't believe me? Wikipedia it. AFTER you're done reading this.

What happened to the big time hosts that we were all dreaming of? Come on, name five guys you would have liked to see guest host. I can, quite easily, but I'll save that argument for a rainy day.

You know who we're getting next week? Oh joy, it's Criss Angel. He's a magician. A cool one, at that, but some of his tricks are many things. They're easily faked. Just ask the Masked Magician from that show, Magic's Biggest Secrets Revealed. When I get bored of RAW I'll flick it on. Is it still on the air? I'm not sure, but now I know how Criss walked on water and made an elephant appear in a parking lot. Not to mention that his other tricks are either stupid, or not really tricks.

RAW Itself

It's official, I hate Lucky Charms. Lucky Charms got more air time than TWO COMBINED Money in the Bank Matches. Now, one of them was Santino vs. Jack Swagger, but COME ON! Zack Ryder vs. MVP should have AT LEAST gone five minutes.

You know what got air time? The Divas in their silly litttle pillow fight. Now, before you get all wrestling-fan-divas-are-pointless on me, I actually liked this match. I was waiting for Jerry Lawler to say that Spongebob never looked better. About three girls pulled finishers, which is great, because I had NO idea what their finishers were. One of the things to get me to root for you is that you have a finisher that I know and can anticipate. Just ask Evan Bourne. If he wasn't allowed to do the Shooting Star Press, he'd be released by now. Yoshi Tastu will catch on when he gets a finisher.

For the love of mercy, this show was about an hour of talking. AN HOUR! AN HOUR! I WILL ALWAYS, ALWAYS, TYPE IN CAPS WHEN THERE'S AN HOUR OF TALKING ON A TWO-HOUR WRESTLING PROGRAM!

Sorry there. The same applies to commercials, TNA. Don't try to sneak out and say that you're good. I was bored, so I watched you, and you're apparently doing something with Mick Foley going someplace to work on his ettiquite. With Eric Bischoff telling him that. TNA lovers who somehow found themselves to this article, please encourage me to watch TNA without mentioning AJ Styles. AJ Styles is THE most overrrated wrestler in all of televisied wrestling.

While I'm off on this trail, let's steer back to RAW. I stopped watching before the Bret Hart segment. I officially don't care for Bret Hart anymore. I didn't like it to begin with, then I figured, "Oh, I must not properly appreciate my WWE history, I'll try to", and I did...and then RAW had him get hit with a car in one of the fakest things I've ever seen on RAW. Yes, I did see the limo blow up, but I believed it for about a week.

Let's Get Back On That Trail, It's More Fun

Okay, WWE NXT...why is Michael Cole commentating with Josh Matthews? Why do you have a camera angle where it looks like the cameraman is literally standing on the apron filming? Why did one of the matches end with the same maneuver I've seen either Vladmir Kozlov or Ezekiel Jackson do? I can't remember which at this moment, but I've seen it. Why was the promo for one of the wrestlers longer than that match itself? Why do they come out to their Pro's theme? Why are the Pros such a dominating factor on the show? Honestly, this show should focus on the Rookies, not the Straightedge Society, Chris Jericho, and The Miz.

As you can see, NXT leaves a whole load of questions unanswered. So do the "free agent" signings. If you've been watching RAW/Smackdown recently, ECW guys have been creeping into the show as "free agents". Are they "secret agents" here to take back the attention that they need to grow as superstars? Not really. I went looking on the roster pages for where the ECW crew has landed.

William Regal, Yoshi Tastu, Zack Ryder, Rosa Mendes, Katie Lea, and Christian have all landed on RAW. Shelton Benjamin and Ezekiel Jackson have all landed on Smackdown. There's nothing special about this group, except maybe they could all grow up to be Intercontinental/United States Champions. Yeah, I didn't say Divas Champions.

The Elimination Chamber MUST Stop Being Used As A Place To Change Championships

We're a few weeks away from WrestleMania, and the two main champions will still be sort of new to their belts, having about five weeks as champion. Five weeks. What happened to the good old days where a championship didn't feel like it was just being thrown on a rivalry?

The Divas' Tournament Ended....ON RAW?!

*facepalm*

We were teased with this for about a MONTH...and Michelle McCool and Layla are more important than it, according to the WWE. Good GRIEF!

I can only hope they're going to bring that up and try to do some kind of RAW vs. Smackdown Divas thing at WrestleMania again. And please, no Santina.

Whoah - How Did I Not Hear About....

Ezekiel Jackson became ECW Champion on the last night of ECW, in an Extreme Rules Match. Oh yeah, because ECW sucked. I forgot, I'm sorry. I just saw it, and I was like, "Ooh, really? New ECW Champion on its last night?" Then I watched the two minute clip they have of it, and I was disappointed. A crappy send-off to a crappy show. Here's a simple grading system for it:

Divas Pillow Fight Match > New ECW.

So long. You won't be missed, just like the Winter Olympics. (Except for the USA-Canada Men's Final for Hockey)

I Love The Money In The Bank Match

There is no greater concept than the Money in the Bank Match. NONE. I love it. You have eight guys, each of a different background, and each with possible shot of winning, battling it out in this epic ladder contest where you have a few spots that surprise and shock and a few spots that make you go, "That was awesome!"

To celebrate it, what shall we do? I'm not really sure, but I'm buzzing with excitement! Maybe it's March Madness, or maybe, it's the first ever...

Money in the Bank Spot Tournament

Starting next week, I will takes spots suggested by you, the reader, straight off of the comments of the article. I will give them all a seed, and I'll break down the First Round Matchups, the Second Round, week by week, leading to the last article before WrestleMania where we determine the "All-Time Greatest WrestleMania Spot".

Why are you suggesting spots? In the five years we have had this match, I can only remember a small handful of spots myself. I can remember Jeff Hardy, choosing Edge over the Money in the Bank Briefcase. I can remember John Morrison taking a ladder with him to the turnbuckle, before flipping out to the crowd of people on the outside. I can remember Shelton Benjamin's multiple flips off of ladders onto crowds of people/ladders. I can remember Kofi Kingston running up a closed ladder, but there is probably many more spots that I have forgot. My memory is very "spotty". I figure I'll take an even number of spots, seed them randomly, and see what happens. Maybe I'll have some science for seeding, but I'm not sure yet.

Want your spot in? It's very simple. Just reply to this article, and I'll read the comments box for spots come around this time next week.

MizShow

Please, let Miz go on a singles run. Let Big Show just be a giant. Let him form a tag team with The Great Khali or something, just because that would simply be awesome.

Sheamus

Please let him be relevant. He could be successful, they just have to not mess up his titleless days. It's harder said than done, but I think it can be done.

Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk

It's a rivalry that just won't work. I'm sorry, but I think we're starting to near the end of Rey Mysterio's career. What we need to have is a group of party boys face CM Punk's - I GOT IT!

Cryme Tyme vs. Straight Edge Society

That, my dear friend, is a rivalry that would work. Just have Selena be a manager. It'd be perfect. If you can't picture it, you really don't have an imagination. CM Punk can only be a heel for so long as "The Mean Guy Who Tells You Not To Use Drugs And That Stuff" when he isn't across the ring from someone who is the exact opposite of him. I was looking forward to a CM Punk and R-Truth rivalry, but that never really happened. So have Cryme Tyme do it instead, as it would work quite well, and Cryme Tyme is by far the least appreciated tag team in WWE.

Until next time, I'm the Philadelphia Phighter, trying to make this writing thing a weekly habit by starting with a simple article, hopefully to complicate them in a few short weeks leading up to the show on the Grandest Stage Of Them All.

-TPP

Discuss it on the wrestling forum

Comments

Comment #1

hi liked the article don't count on comments tho most people here are spammers

Posted by someone on Sunday, March 07, 2010
Comment #2

Sorry. I do NOT agree with you on the AJ Styles matter.
AJ Styles vs. Brian Danielson vs. Jack Evans vs. Tyler Black
That match I will pay $10,000 to see once.

I agree with you on Raw, NXT and Elimination Chamber.

Rest of the Article is brilliant.
8.5/10

I'm guessing that this spot you are talking about is where people send in suggestions for Wrestlemania spots? I have three for you and plenty more to come.
Spot 1: Wrestlemania 21 - Randy Orton vs. Undertaker
Referee is down. Taker sets up for a chokeslam, lifts Randy. Randy twists his body in mid air and counters for a brilliant RKO.
Spot 2: Wrestlemania 17 - Hardys vs. Dudleys vs. E & C
Rhino pushes a 20ft Ladder over that has Matt Hardy and Bubba Dudley on top of it, they fly off the ladder through a double stack of tables.
Spot 3: Wrestlemania 23 - Hardy's Leg drop
Matt Hardy puts Edge on a Ladder that is positioned on the apron and the barrier. Jeff Hardy climbs a ladder almost to the top and jumps with a leg drop on Edge that bends the ladder in half.

I'll have more to come later

I'm The Nemesis, you've been a reader.
READ CHAOS AWARDS!! SELF PROMOTION FTW!!

Posted by The Nemesis on Sunday, March 07, 2010
Comment #3

I had a boner but beat it into submission. It tapped out then spit in my face. Da Da DA lionman Da Da Da

Posted by lionman on Sunday, March 07, 2010
Comment #4

Good article but what I don't get is why Sheamus never got a rematch for his title. Cena got his rematch but Sheamus didn't :@

Posted by The Renegation on Sunday, March 07, 2010
Comment #5

SHEAMUS HAD A CONCUSSION after the elimination chamber match he was supposed to lose on raw to john cena in a match to see who got the title rematch at wrestlemania

Posted by nick on Sunday, March 07, 2010
Comment #6

I agree 100%, and yes, AJ Styles is the most overrated in all of wrestling.
Great article, good thing about it is that the rhetorical questions compel me to keep reading. Fantastic

Posted by Legend on Sunday, March 07, 2010
Comment #7

well... i will not say that AJ is not overrated... anyone who is treated like the "perfect" wrestler is overrated... but... there are plenty of guys that are waaaay more overrated than he is... after all, he is good

i dont agree with most of the things you say here... but this is your report so, well say whatever you want!!

anyway good report, i understood your opinion, and i think that is what matters, not me following it...

Posted by Caio "Lo Mestre" on Sunday, March 07, 2010
Comment #8

How old are you honestly if you are telling people to wiki Cheech and Chong after we read this article? Every1 at least 16 and older new Cheech and Chong were before they hosted RAW.
I agree with your thoughts on Criss Angel. The masked magician's show of revealing illusions pretty much turned every celebrity illusionist into a douchebag. Good Call on that. Magicians should now be around to make balloon animals and make coins disappear for a kids birthday party.
What do divas and lucky charms have in common? They're magically delicious! That's why they got more air time then the 2 MITB matches.
My 5 dream hosts:
1) The Rock- Need I say more?
2) Tiger Woods- He'll love them divas!
3) Adam Sandler- Just pure awesomeness...
4) Lil' Wayne- Seeing him be put threw a table by Batista or Sheamus is too tempting.
5) Chuck Norris-FTW!
Divas Pillow Fight > ECW AGREE
The EC is a PPV that hands the title away too many times. If you don't like the champ that much going in then don't make him the champ to begin with. Though I gotta say, I was glad to see both Taker and Sheamus lose.
Every spot I thought of so far has been named... Sorry.
SES vs. CT? Could work...
MizShow blows...
Sheamus has job cuz of Triple H...

Posted by Tru Reazon on Monday, March 08, 2010
Comment #9

O, and AJ Styles isn't over or under rated to me...

Posted by Tru Reason on Monday, March 08, 2010
Comment #10

YOU COMPLAIN ALOT!!!!!!
i like this article (;

Posted by The Rater on Monday, March 08, 2010
Comment #11

Ok, here's an amazing spot for me. CM-Punk spinning ladder. I forget which Mania it is :D

Posted by Sebastian Redding on Monday, March 08, 2010
Comment #12

HOSTS:
1. CHUCK LIDDELL
2. QUINTON JACKSON
3. RANDY COUTURE
4. ROYCE GRACIE
5. BROCK LESNER

OR :
6. THE ROCK
7. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN
8. RODDY PIPER
9. JESSE THE BODY VENTURA
10. MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE

Posted by D_Sturbd on Monday, March 08, 2010
Comment #13

5 guests host? i got 6 :P

The Rock
Stephen Colbert
Conan O'brien
Seth McFarlane
Lester Speight (as Terry Tate) WOOOOOOOOO
Jack Black (maybe with Kyle Gass- Tenacious D!!)

That'd be win

Posted by The Destructornator on Monday, March 08, 2010
Comment #14

Last week's RAW was a total failure. 2 of the MITB qualifying matches are bullshit, just filler matches.

And Bret hart is boring. Could they (both WWE and TNA) stop bringing old wrestlers who had past their prime time. It confuses me that The Rock is still not hosting RAW after god-knows-how-long he said it.

Posted by 1221 on Monday, March 08, 2010
Comment #15

1221, he`ll host it at summer.

Posted by Antary on Monday, March 08, 2010
Comment #16

If AJ is the most overrated wrestler, is Cena even a Wrestler? Is a fireman carry takedown even a finishing move?

Posted by Cena sucks on Monday, March 08, 2010
Comment #17

I'll give you a reason to watch TNA... from last year. Because recently, Hulk has really watered down the in ring action IMO. I don't know why he's screwing with the edge that TNA has over WWE. I mean Genesis was the worst TNA PPV ever!! I've been watching TNA since the Main Event Mafia was formed, and I have to tell you, Genesis bored me to death. I don't care what you say about Angle vs. Styles, it was a copy of the Jan 4th episode but less stiff. I mean come on Hogan. Against All Odds wasn't any better either. One thing that you should watch TNA for... I dunno, anything but the PPVS, because Hogan's not into quality wrestling.

Posted by Nick Mann on Monday, March 08, 2010
Comment #18

Great article dude, you still have it in you. You just seem to have lost most of your passion. Try using less bold, it stinged my eyes! :) It's great to see you're back.

Posted by Fontaine on Monday, March 08, 2010
Comment #19

to #8, Lil Wayne REALLY!!! do you read or watch the news, he just went to prison today for one year...

Posted by me on Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Comment #20

Another mindless read TPP. You should try watching the shows. WWE sucks. Why dont you try TNA for awhile and see if you can make more sense then this one.

Posted by Buzzsaw on Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Comment #21

Wow,this report sucks,no insight whatsoever,its like a page of trollin jeeberish.BTW WWE sucks

Posted by Big Van Darth Vader on Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Comment #22

#21, it was hypothetical... I am aware. and #10 with the exception of Cheech and Chong, I agreed with everything Phighter said so you must be referring to both of us. Read MY COMMENT and HIS article before you open up the vacant hole in your face that is called a mouth. Thanks!! :)

Posted by Tru Reazon on Thursday, March 11, 2010
Comment #23

it was hypothetical... I am awar. and #10 with the exception of cheech and Chong, I agreed with everything said so you must be referring to both of us.Read MY COMMENT and HIS article before you open up the vacant hole your face that is called a mouth. Thanks!! :)

Posted by alex on Friday, March 12, 2010
Comment #24

Why waste time in writing these, they are horrible. You must do it solely for the FREE SUPPORTER. Please save us from your next article. Google Cheech and Chong? Who doesn't already know who they are.

Posted by Seriously? on Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Comment #25

Can I just say for the record that at 17 years old I honestly had no idea who Cheech and Chong were before I Googled them after seeing they'd be guest hosts. I'm just sayin'.

Posted by Steebles on Wednesday, April 07, 2010

The Heart of the Phighter: Untitled

Discuss it on the wrestling forum

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