Mind Games

So, recently, Matt Morgan is pretty pissed at Kurt Angle. Tazz is on broadcast, cause Don isn’t. Yay!!! AJ almost quit, but Sting said no. TNA now has the TNA Knockout’s Tag Team Championships, which I think has a shot of working here. And, Dixie Carter is making her first TNA appearance ever! So lets get to it.

Lauren is in the garage as Sting and AJ roll up in a sick black and gold (Let’s go Steelers!!!) Corvette. She asks AJ about his current retirement plans, but he holds up his gear and is ready to work. Sting says that he smells success, after AJ grows up a little of course. Kip shows up and tries to park Sting’s car for him. I’d be mad if I was Kip, to be just comedic relief anymore.

Match 1: Samoa Joe vs. Suicide (Non-Title)

Daniels is out at the broadcast table to scout Joe.

Joe lands a big boot to start, and follows with a flurry of punches all over the ring, and finished with a kick to the head in the corner. Suicide lands from a toss and mounts some offense, with some flying forearms and a dropkick. Suicide smashes Joe’s face into a turnbuckle, then hit’s a lifting leg kick to the face, and gets 2. The Pope/Elijah Burke

Joe capitalizes on the distraction and boots him outside, where Pope attacks him, followed by Joe, and Daniels jumping into the brawl. The ref decides that later on, the match will continue in tag team form, showing that in TNA, the refs actually have some power. Love it.

Winner: To Be Continued…

Lauren is with EY, saying that he rudely interrupted her interview with Hernandez, and wants him to join World Elite. He says that there isn’t a chance, it’s a guarantee that he’s going to join, and that they all get treated like second rate citizens. Boo hoo.

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The World Elite is out, and Basher wants to talk to the American public. Oh joy. He says that he wants to talk about is the war in Iraq!!! Over massive “USA” chants I might add. Hahaha, I love that real life gets dragged into this. May 3rd, 2003, Bush said that the war was over, but six years later, he wants to know what is killing hundreds of his brothers everyday. And, the crowd chants “USA”. Hilarious.

He says that we’re brainwashed by the media, because its easier than the truth. We don’t want to set up democracy, or stop terrorism. No, we’re just oil junkies!!! They tried to have a serious promo, but I just laughed my ass off :D

Eric says that he wants to talk about Hernandez, who comes out, shutting him up. For a minute. Eric says that America will never respect him, and he’ll never be an equal. He will always be a foreigner and a stereotype. TNA gives us a “Kick his Ass” chant. He tells Hernandez that he needs to come home and be elite. Hernandez says that he is home punto!!! Which is one of the few Spanish words I know. The TNA fans are his familia, and they want EY to understand that this is their country. Yay America!!!

Lauren is with Sharmell and Traci Brooks, who will represent the MEM in the tournament. But they have to face Kong and Saeed. They both try to talk smack on Kong. Why bother?

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Lauren is trying to hype the tournament, but Shelley is the camera man, and keeps zooming in on her chest, then Sabin comes on, and stares. Dr. Stevie asks them if they’re ready to make some real money. MMG keeps making some funny jokes the whole way. Stevie offers up the bounty to end Abyss’s career. Lauren: “No don’t do it!” Oh well

Match 2: Awesome Kong & Raisha Saeed vs. Sharmell & Traci Brooks

Kong starts against Brooks, who just runs away from Kong. Sharmell and Saeed are in now, who gets pushed by Raisha, and tags out. Okay this is getting annoying. Saeed is just beating down on Brooks. Sharmell grabs Saeed’s hair though, so Traci takes the advantage, choking her on the ropes. But Kong gets tagged in.

Big splash in the corner, then a second rope giant frog splash. Saeed tags herself in, and gets the 3. What?

Winners: Raisha Saeed& Awesome Kong

Match Rating: 2/10

Matt Morgan promo, recapping the MEM history with him.

JB is with Morgan, who busts into the MEM locker room. Kurt admits that he was wrong this year. But he says that Matt took too long going up the ropes, and he lacks experience, which is why he’s teaming with Booker and Scotty tonight. Matt was talking to Dixie, and he’s in the 4 Way for Kurt’s Title at No Surrender, and that he’d have Angle’s back like he had Matt’s. Kurt says that Booker and Scott need to take care of him.

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Rhino and Jesse Neal promo.

Match 3: Rhino vs. Jesse Neal

Rhino fakes a handshake, but stomps him, and is throwing him into turnbuckles, stomping on him, and choking him. Neal throws two punches, and Rhino is back to offense. Two more punches from Neal, into a spine buster, into a 3 count.

After, Rhino GORES!!! Jesse, and reverses the decision. Rhino is stomping down on Jesse, until Devon comes out, and Rhino leaves.

Winner: Jesse Neal

Match Rating: 3/10

JB is with ODB and Cody Deaner in Mick’s office. Foley is wearing a powdered wig, banging a gavel, and taking the Knockout’s Title case into consideration. Hail Foley! Abyss comes in and returns Mick’s bat. Then Mick gives him a bag of groceries. I think TNA is going insane.

I missed last week, but apparently, Deaner won the Knockout’s Title. Yep, gone to hell. Cody says he knocked out Mike Tyson (plugging the Hangover btw), and Chuck Norris. Mick says that No Surrender, the two will fight for the title. Mick’s insane.

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Match 4: The Motor City Machineguns vs. Abyss

So far, all of the matches have sucked. I’m hoping this one won’t.

They start with a double gun kick, go for a double suplex, but he counters it. Side slam to Shelley, and a choke slam to Sabin on top of Shelley. Abyss misses a corner splash, and the MMG hit another double head kick, followed by Poetry in Motion. Alex is caught in a diving cross body, and Sabin suicide dives the pile. The same thing basically happens in the ring. Sabin tries to stop a Shock Treatment, but gets a big boot, then leg dropped while doing the Shock Treatment!

Stevie comes in and tries to interfere, but fails, and Sabin gets a Black Hole Slam.

Winner: Abyss

Match Rating: 6/10

After, Stevie slaps the both of them, and gets jumped for it. The Guns leave, but Abyss brings in a chair, until Nash heads out.

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Nash says that Abyss stuck his nose into Nash’s business, so he’s going for the bounty on Abyss.

Lauren is with Daffney, who she asks about her match with Hamada. Basically, Daffney’s insane.

Match…I don’t even remember. This show needs to be over. This is a bad one. Daffney vs. Hamada (no DQ)

Okay, I think Hamada might be the female Ultimo Dragon. My first impression.

Daffney starts with some cheap shots, kicked and throwing. Hamada hit’s a big running kick to the head, and corner stomps. She flips Daffney to the apron, and kicks her in the head. Or she dresses like dragon, and fights like the Guns.

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Daffney has the advantage. During the break, Hamada set up a table. Big elbow drop to Hamada, but she fights back with, yep, a kick. Chops and head butts, then a kick and jumping DDT for a two count. She misses a kick, then Daffney hits kind of a Shining Wizard. She throws Hamada outside, and Daffney gets a chair. But misses, and Hamada lands a steel chair necktie smash. Sets Daffney up on the table, and…top rope moonsault, But they don’t end it!!! Back in the ring, with the fans chanting, “This is awesome!!!”

Hamada Driver, then a 3 count.

Winner: Hamada

Match Rating: 7/10. Why is this the best match so far?

The Beautiful People are looking for Madison Rayne.

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JB is with the Beautiful People, who found Rayne. She cost Love the title, and now has a mystery partner for the tournament. But she’s going to face the Beautiful People first. Then Rayne tries to fight them 2 on 1, but gets beat down. Still sexy though.

Match 6: Samoa Joe & D’Angelo Dinero vs. Suicide & Daniels

Joe vs. Suicide, and Joe takes the advantage, who tags in Dinero. Arm drag and dropkick, from Suicide. Daniels is in, double teaming Pope. Scoop slam and split legged moonsault. Joe kicks Daniels from outside, switching the advantage.

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Daniels and Joe are in, and Daniels hits an enziguri and STO sorta move, and both make tags. Suicide hit’s a big springboard elbow. Samoan roll drop, I forget what I called that before. Daniels and Joe are in, fighting in the corner. Joe gets thrown into Suicide, and takes him out. Pope hit’s a german suplex, and Samoa Joe is outside, and gets hit with Daniel’s split legged moonsault. Pope misses his Knee Express, and Suicide lands a flying cradle for a 3.

Winners: Daniels & Suicide

Match Rating: 6/10. TOO MANY TAG MATCHES!!!

JB is with Dixie Carter and Bobby Lashley. JB asks what the special occasion is. Dixie says that TNA signed a new 3 year deal with Spike, and to expect new programming from them. JB asks Bobby about the MMA/Wrestling career. Dixie worked it out so he can do both 100%. Bobby’s goals are to make an Impact, no pun intended, and wants to be a champion. Carter wants him to hold both belts at once. She says that History starts at No Surrender, Bobby Lashley vs. Rhino.

Kurt Angle comes out to the ring, who finally shaved.

Match Whatever. It’s still another tag match:

Matt Morgan & Scott Steiner& Booker T vs. Hernandez & AJ Styles & Sting

Sting starts off with Booker in the ring with him. The two start off with a hold, and trading shots. Sting hits an atomic drop, then a dropkick. Arm drag from Sting, and he tags in AJ. Scott gets tagged in, and is getting choked on the ropes. AJ’s head really snapped back on the ropes. He hit’s a dropkick and a knee drop on Scott.

Tazz is surprisingly unbiased. Hernandez and Matt are in. Mex fails on two shoulder blocks, and Matt hit’s a spinning punch, but Hernadez hit’s a looooooooong stalling suplex on Matt, who rolls outside. And Super Mex hit’s a suicide dive to the whole team.

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Scott has the advantage on AJ, and hit’s a belly to belly suplex. Morgan is in, and head butting AJ, followed by a missed power slam. He tags in Hernandez, who clears house, and now everyone is in. Mex and Matt are left, with Matt going for a Hellivator, but Scott comes in with the chair. Hernandez knocks Matt into the chair, AJ tags and hit’s a springboard splash, and gets 3.

Winners: Sting, AJ Styles, & Hernandez

Match Rating: 5/10

Booker and Scotty are yelling at Morgan, who snaps and knocks them out.

Show Rating: 5/10. Please Dixie, no more tag matches.