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The Raw Debrief 30/8/10

The Raw Debrief 30/8/10

Welcome, one and all, to the Raw Debrief.  I’m your host The General, and I’ll be running you through the 900th episode special, meaning that plenty of Smackdown superstars will be interloping tonight. 

The first of these is Kane, who interrupts Bret Hart’s opening speech about The Undertaker.  Kane is really on fire tonight.  The Undertaker that Bret Hart once knew is old, weak, feeble, over the hill, irreversibly damaged.  The one thing he ever wanted was to break out of his brother’s shadow and prove that HE is the Devil’s Favourite Demon – his new catchphrase.  Kane says he needs to take out an icon of his own... wraps his hand around the throat of Bret Hart, but The Hart Dynasty come down to temporarily slow down the Big Red Machine, only for him to fight them off.  The lights go out, The Undertaker appears between Kane and Bret!  Kane smiles and does his backward roll out of the ring, backs up the ramp, saying ‘Not yet.  Not yet.’

Bingle!  It’s going to be Bret Hart vs. The Undertaker.  GM hates Bret.

Match 1:  Kaval and Daniel Bryan vs. Kofi Kingston and Michael McGillicutty vs. The Miz and Alex Riley

I like the sounds of this match!  Triple threat tag team match, three men in the ring at any one time.  Obviously Miz is going to win... you don’t stop his push in a match like this!  Bryan, Riley and Kofi start it off, and Bryan looks as good as ever... until he’s hit with an SOS very early.  Riley hits a Michinoku Driver.  Some very big moves getting hit quickly here.  Boom Drop to Riley, pin attempt broken up by Bryan.  Kaval and McGillicutty get the hot tags, but Kaval gets on top and locks in the Dragon Sleeper, Riley breaks it up and Miz gets the blind tag.  Kaval hits a huge running front dropkick on Riley, a rolling wheel kick to McGillicutty and hits a HUGE Warrior’s Way into McGillicutty’s stomach, only to walk into a Skull Crushing Finale.

Great pace to this match, one I’d be happy to watch again.  After the match, Bryan tells Miz to get back in the ring.  Miz obliges, after Riley causes the distraction, and hits Bryan in the face/chest with the briefcase.

Match 2:  Eve Torres and Melina vs. Laycool

Melina gets dominated, but rolls up Layla for the win.  Eve and Michelle McCool didn’t even get in the match.

McCool says the victory’s just like Melina, forgettable.  They challenge Melina to a unification match... Melina says if it’s going to happen it’ll have to be a Lumberjack (Jill?) match.  Sounds like a very good idea to me.  It might actually mean the good divas get to be on both shows occasionally.

The 5 Nexus are backstage, refuting claims that they’re weak because they kicked out Darren Young and Skip Sheffield broke his ankle (get well soon!).  Barrett challenges them to do something that people will never forget tonight, in their 5 on 5 elimination tag match.

Episode 850 recap – Bob Barker vs. Chris Jericho, cutting out most of the funny bits.  Jericho’s backstage with Josh Matthews, and he’s looking pretty angry.  He promises that he’s going to call it a day if he doesn’t win at Night of Champions.  I guess that means he’s going to go, and that makes me pretty unhappy, he’s the best in the world at what he does after all.  But seriously, if he does go, I’ll miss him.

Match 3:  R-Truth and John Morrison vs. Drew McIntyre and “Dashing” Cody Rhodes

Truth dances.  Double DQ after they start brawling.  Could have been so much more.

Match 4:  Bret Hart vs. The Undertaker

How surprising... the match has barely started and Nexus come down and destroy The Undertaker.  This is supposed to be his return to the ring?  He does hold his own for a little while, I guess, but he’s supposed to look at least strong enough to take on Kane, even if he’s destined to lose.  The lights go out when he’s getting on top, with Barrett being set up for the chokeslam, and they come back on for Barrett to hit the Wasteland – which is apparently what his finisher is called.  450 from Gabriel.  Every one of those he hits seems to hurt him more.  Taker tries to sit up, but he can’t manage it, and Kane’s at the top of the ramp laughing.

Match 5:  Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne

One of the more interesting rivalries from the recent ECW days.  Swagger on top to begin with, and just as Bourne starts to gain some momentum, Alberto del Rio comes out in his Bentley, with his announcer already somehow at ringside.  He does look pretty classy, it has to be said.  The match continues in split-screen.  Bourne goes up top for the SSP but lands on his feet as Swagger rolls out of the way, takes out the knee and Bourne taps out to the ankle lock.

Alberto del Rio gets on the mic and says he’s the reason the fans’ little Chihuahua isn’t going to be here tonight.  Although what he did to Rey Rey was phenomenal, he’s not entirely happy because his fans on Raw didn’t get to see.  So... he’s going to recreate the effect with another Chihuahua, Evan.  He locks in the cross-arm breaker, and grabs a chair.  As he’s setting up Bourne’s arm in the chair, Mark Henry comes down and makes the save by punching through the chair.  Makings of a new tag team maybe?  The little and large combo hasn’t been done in about a year, after all.

Package about the Shanghai trip

Straight Edge Society minus Serena is out.  “Do you know who I’m better than?  The Rock.”  Great start!  He doesn’t make movies like The Tooth Fairy, that’s why.  Apparently The Rock epitomises the ‘Septic Tank’.  2 words for you... Katie Vick.  The mere thought will drive you to drink, and then he can come and save you.  Great segment so far.  He shows the 4 worst moments in Raw’s history:

1)      Triple H invades Randy Orton’s home

2)      John Cena throws Edge into some river

3)      DX invade WCW

4)      Stone Cold douses The Corporation/Santino in beer

Didn’t really need to show the Santino one, to be honest, since he’s such a joke.  The Austin chants start up....

Glass Shatters!

But he’s not actually here... awww... Big Show is though.  CM Punk stops rolling on the floor.  He then shows the Brock Lesnar superplex on Big Show from Smackdown that destroyed the ring.  That was pretty awesome, have to admit.  Punk says he doesn’t know who the other guy was, but Big Show’s criminally obese.  He says the fat joke isn’t what he should be using, he should use story about Eddie Guerrero giving him a tainted burrito that gave him chronic diarrhoea (that’s how it’s spelled in the UK).  Eddie chants pop up, have to smile at that.  RIP.

Other embarrassing moments – being in a Sumo competition.... and kissing Vickie Guerrero.  He does a weird Hulk Hogan – SES impression cross.  Big Show’s not high, he’s just tall.  Then he takes out the SES, for the funsies.

Sheamus is at the top of the ramp with Josh Matthews.  He says Triple H isn’t here for the special occasion because he’s never coming back.  He calls the crowd plastic paddies.  Is that an insult in Boston?  He’s annoyed about having to tag with 4 of his PPV opponents, including Randy Orton, who’s tried to put him in hospital and end his career.  Edge comes out to interrupt, and gives a list of things that have happened to him on Raw, it’s pretty impressive, so here it is:

1)      Thrown in the Long Island Sound (I think)

2)      Had psychopaths break up his wedding

3)      Had deranged ex-employees attack him from the crowd

4)      Hit with chairs

5)      Thrown through tables

But he’s given back at least 3 times as much.  Won King of the Ring, the Royal Rumble, the first ever MITB match.  He makes fun of Sheamus a bit, then says he’ll be the new WWE Champion.

Match 6:  Chris Jericho, John Cena, Edge, Randy Orton and Sheamus vs. The Nexus (Tarver, Slater, Barrett, Otunga, Gabriel)

Jericho walks out and gets counted out.  It’s an elimination match, so he’s out.  Edge pushes the ref and gets intentionally DQed... it’s 5 on 3 then.  Cena comes into the ring and gets on top of Tarver before tagging in Sheamus, who seems game for a fight.  He starts dominating Slater, who eventually gets a tag to Otunga, who flexes after withstanding a shoulder block and gets clotheslined by Sheamus.  The Irishman’s been in the ring quite a while.  Eventually, Nexus get on top, and Sheamus even gets sections of the crowd behind him but he gets taken out by Slater’s version of the ZigZag. This has the same effect as a hot tag to Cena, who eliminates Slater with the Attitude Adjustment.  Barrett gets on top of him quickly though.  They dominate Cena for a while, but he gets the STF on Otunga who taps quickly, but Gabriel immediately hits the 450 to eliminate Cena.  Orton comes in, RKO to Gabriel for the elimination, and another to Tarver for another!  Barrett comes in and hits his second Wasteland of the night, to eliminate Orton.

Nexus ends the night dominant, just about.  It’s hard to look really dominant when Orton just has to look at them for them to be eliminated.  Gabriel and Tarver had barely even taken a hit since the start of the match, and 2 RKOs just finish them almost instantly.  Poor show from Edge and Jericho as well, I know they’re supposed to be selfish but they could at least have earned their appearance money!  And once again, Sheamus is made to look weak!  No eliminations, taken out by Slater almost single-handedly... how is he supposed to look like a champion if you’re not going to give him any credit? Honestly...

Show Rating:  B

I’ve been The General, consider yourself debriefed.

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Comments

  1. Comment #1

    I'm not liking the way they're using Sheamus, he seems like more of a mediocre champion who likes to fight rough... O.o

    I am liking what they're doing with Randy Orton though, he seems to be on a freaking roll. They're making him look like superman against Nexus. And I'm liking it. I predict he comes out on top at... Whatever the next ppv is...

    Posted by Son Gohan on Thursday, September 02, 2010

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