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The Raw Rebound Feb 16 2009

THE RAW REBOUND!



Pre-show run-through:

    Welcome. In case you didn’t hear apparently YET AGAIN Edge was randomly inserted into a title match he wasn’t scheduled to be in and won a belt. Why they seem to think this is the best booking ever completely confuses me…but heck, I love Edge so I will let it fly for now….but had it been anyone else, I would have personally rioted! And this article would have been typed in the nastiest of moods! But today Curtis is in an ok mood, so things should move along “swimmingly” here…


(opening video)


    Lights, Camera, Action! I thought I was finished with The Chimp when I moved from the Smackdown Recap to the Raw one….but cometh The Chimp, Vickie Guerrerro (Copeland?), to open the show and announce Edge. Wait….does this mean Vickie is on both shows now? HELL NOL Edge talks about how he didn’t cry over losing the first Chamber. Instead he just cut himself all night. He calls us all Failure Turtles, which I’ve never quite heard of that particular species. Edge calls everyone wrong and dances on the ground!! He tells us so many times I can’t remember if I was wrong or not. Vickie gets on the microphone much to my own disdain. I choose to ignore everything we hear and try to look away from the screen intensely when they make out. Whatever happened to Alysha Fox? John Cena eventually interrupts things and saves us all. Didn’t think I’d be saying that any time soon….

    Cena gives his congratulations to Edge and says he’s not going to pull an Orton and sue to try and get the results thrown out. He reintroduces Edge as the new Champion and stars to point out what the R stands for in Rated R….No not that….it apparently stands for Rematch. It’s unclear whether or not they will ever get that rematch though as Edge makes excuses. Anyway, Cena says he will find Edge if he goes anywhere and runs from him. Also, Shane McMahon randomly appears to tell us he’ll have an unsanctioned fight with Orton. Yay? I’ve always wondered who sanctions WWE matches. Clowns?


MATCH 1: Regal & Priceless vs. CM Punk & CrymeTyme

    Punk and Rhodes start off with Punk countering a bitch slap from Rhodes with a high kick. He then casually delivers the GTS…to his arm pit and knocks Rhodes out. Regal comes in and gets sent to the floor while Dibiase drags the lifeless body of Rhodes out of the ring. Regal begins working Punk over. He stomps Punk to the ground and tags Rhodes in who does much of the same. Cody delivers a scoop slam and drops a knee to the temple for a two count. I’m still wondering why nobody has bothered to send Rhodes to an Originality Academy or something. They could have at least changed the default settings on him a little. Dibiase tags in and delivers more kicks before Rhodes returns to do more of the same. Punk lands an enziguiri and JTG makes the tag.

    JTG wrecks everyone but stops a cover on Dibiase to beat on Rhodes. Shad has to take Regal out to the floor and JTG gets caught from behind by Dibiase’s Dream Street finisher for the loss. I’m glad Cryme Tyme got so much ring time /sarcasm.

Winners via Pinfall: Priceless & Regal

*Back to the show where Stephanie is begging Shane not to fight Orton tonight because he was in the hospital last night. He tells her that he’s a man and will fight him on his terms before telling the her to go make him a sandwich like she should.

    Back to the show where Jericho begs the Academy to NOT vote for Mickey Rourke as it will encourage losers and washed up has-beens to come back to the ring. He has a point. I’m kind of tired of seeing fat old man gut every so often on TV without any prior warning. I’m looking at you Piper. Oh what the hell, I no sooner typed that than Roddy Piper actually does come out to the ring. Bull!. He beat cancer. Are you cancer, Jericho? He will mess you up! Piper says he’ll do a shoot with him on this. If by shoot you mean, not that in any way what so ever, then that is exactly what happens. Piper tells him to shut the hell up and then cuts Jericho off when he tries to rebuttal. Piper proceeds to cut a great line about what it’s like to be a Legend. Piper says he has one hip and he hurts all the time but he’ll crawl to the ring every time we want. Damn, it’s a good thing we don’t want that at all. He says Old School is cool. What a terrible film. Jericho then proceeds to do what he should have done to Legends earlier and punches Piper out before kicking him across the ring.


MATCH 2: Kane vs. Jamie Noble


    Jamie Noble is in the ring to tell us he can make it longer than Chavo did against Kane last year. Nine seconds was how long it took for Kane to beat Chavo at Wrestlemania.

Kane catches him in mid jump and delivers a choke slam.

Wow. It took sixteen seconds in case you care, which I am sure you don’t.

Winner via Pinfall: Kane


    JBL talks about how he has more money than anyone here will ever have even after paying HBK his money. He’s mad that he can’t win his belt for Wrestlemania. He says those goals were too small and now he wants immortality….so he’s going to collect the seven Dragonballs and make a wish…or he’s going to beat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania. Shawn Michaels suddenly arrives and worships Jesus to let him see his pyro from space. Shawn says he’s living heaven on Earth and now he wants to face Undertaker instead. Shawn goes off on how awesome he is at Wrestlemania, ignoring the many matches he lost. HBK decides they should have a match next week to decide who gets to try and end the streak. Great, just what I wanted to see, another JBL match.



    Rey Mysterio arrives in his hood gear to take on Mike Knox who for some reason won’t shave but can take the time wax his chest….

MATCH 3: Knox vs. Rey Rey

    Rey starts off fast but Mike keeps powering back. He tries to rally back, but Knox just chucks him straight from the ring over the ropes to faceplant on the floor. Rey kicks out of a body slam at two and Knox decides to use all of his vicious cunning and apply a chinlock. He misses a corner charge and Rey tries to fight back with strikes and kicks only to eat a tilt a whirl back breaker for two. Rey runs from Knox in and out of the ring, catching him with a kick as he comes back in only to be crushed with an Irish Whip to the corner. The crowd chants 619 for us. Rey eats a heavy clothesline for two but then rallies back with some quick offense, unable to put Knox down but an enziguiri finally leaves Knox hung up on the ropes for the 619. Mysterio misses the plancha and tries a moonsault but Knox catches him and puts Rey up in the Tree of Woe until he’s dragged away by the ref. Knox charges in but Mysterio leaps up and rolls Knox up for three.

Winner via Pinfall: Rey Rey

*In the back, Beth is prepping Rosa and Santino….

    Over 1 Million photos of Divas were viewed last months. That’s over one thousand bottles of lotion gone through. Melina is here now to defend the belt to Beth. I like how Rosa brought a towel with her for some reason.

MATCH 4: Womens Title: Melina vs. Glamazon

    Beth just catches Melina out of a weird jump she starts off. Beth tosses her around like a rag doll, kicking her teeth in. Melina gets crushed in the corner before she is bounced off the ropes into a suplex. Beth locks on an abdominal stretch on the ground. This looks awkward with women. Beth gets a two count and then tosses Melina to the floor. On the outside, Rosa kicks Melina and then the face divas arrive to kick the shit out of Santino. The distraction allows for a rollup by Melina to win the match.

Winner via Pinfall: Melina

    After the match we learn the next inductees into the hall of fame will be The Funks. That’s pretty cool. Now it’s off to more commercials. I feel like I’ve only seen about an hour of actual show tonight and much less wrestling than that.

    Back to the show where we get a replay of exactly what went down between Cena and Edge earlier in the night. In the back, Stephanie is on the phone with somebody about Shane and gets disconnected. Where you at DAWG? She proceeds to break it on the floor and pout as we return to commercials. Ah advertisements. Where would I be without you?

MAIIIIIN Event: Random Street Fight: Orton vs. Shane-O Mac


    Shane McMahon comes out to his theme music for this random fight. What kind of guy shows up at a fight with theme music? Well, actually if I could, I would. In fact, I would have the Mortal Kombat theme play while we fought. Shane is nice enough to wait for Orton to slowly walk to the ring and finally gets fed up with how slow he is moving and just dives out to go after him. Shane just clobbers Orton and beats him to the ring barricade and over into the crowd. Shane leaps from the wall into a flying clothesline. Should I call this a match? I mean, it can’t have a winner, it’s just going to be a spot fest I guess. Shane continues to beat Orton down to the back wall and kicks him before breaking….a water bottle off his head. OH GOD NOT WATER. There’s heavy electronic equipment all around and he grabs the water bottle.

    They fight back to ringside and Shane is slammed into the announcer’s desk then the stairs face first. Orton kicks Shane back to the ring and proceeds to drool all over the place which is just awkward. Why doesn’t he grab a weapon or something. Orton continues to beat Shane to the floor and stand in the ring. Orton rams his back into the side of the ring multiple times. Well….I’m bored. Shane pauses then tackles Orton back over the announce table to beat him down into the floor and slam a clearly padded chair onto his face. Shane gets the ring bell, the first real weapon so far and clocks Orton over the face with it. Some guy shouts FINISH HIM……MORTAL KOMBAAAAAT! Shane has Orton set up in the corner and gets up top for Coast to Coast but DiBiase and Rhodes appear to save the day, setting up the head punt. GOOOOOOAAAAAL. Steph comes to his rescue…..Kick. Her. Kiiiiiick heeeeeer. Stephanie yells at Orton and eats an RKO instead. The medical staff runs from the ring like girls when HHH arrives. I TOLD YOU ALL LAST WEEK HHH WOULD GET INVOLVED IN THIS STORYLINE AND YOU LAUGHED. WHO IS LAUGHING NOW!? Ok now that’s out of my system. Orton and crew run and Trips gets the ANGRY look as he stares down from the ring….


Ladies and Gents, I’m Curtis Kash and thanks for Reading.

Overall Show Grade: C+

Discuss it on the wrestling forum

Comments

  1. Comment #1

    Dude i called HHH/Orton over a month ago...

    its logged on my radio show :)

    Posted by Johnny Blaze on Friday, February 20, 2009

  2. Comment #2

    awsome

    Posted by randy orton on Friday, February 20, 2009

  3. Comment #3

    and how the hell did my comment get up to #3

    Posted by Edgehead on Friday, February 20, 2009

  4. Comment #4

    meh. nothing special. This week's raw was MUCH better then a C- (in my opinion of course).

    grade: B-

    Posted by Edgehead on Thursday, February 19, 2009

  5. Comment #5

    DAMN. Triple H stared at Orton and RKO got that boyish face again. LMAO PRICELESS. Suddenly Orton became a scared cat. It was like Darth Vader has met Yoda face to face and he remembered that he isn't that good anymore. Because THE GAME IS THAT DAMN GOOD.
    Excuse me if I didn't make any sense but I'm exhausted after 7 hours of crappy school. Somebody please blow it up because it totally blows xD

    Posted by RockyVlad on Thursday, February 19, 2009

  6. Comment #6

    You wanna fight seanryker, you fight me, it'll be over for you. and deh rockyvlad, you say a man has a boy face AHAHAHAHA...you are strange one, i think you a flower, i think you like the bedsheets, i think you like the mud on the dipper, you are a funny one.

    Posted by Khrozow Brashovski on Friday, February 20, 2009

  7. Comment #7

    Yeah right Blaze I called it first it first on MY ONLINE radio show, TWK (The Wrestling Khat) radio only on wbconline.com, hit me the hell up to hear the finest wrestling beats on radio.

    Posted by Lionman on Friday, February 20, 2009

  8. Comment #8

    what the hell xD xD xD xD xd

    youre a strong woman curtis.

    Posted by Gorbat on Friday, February 20, 2009

  9. Comment #9

    I am edge. a tortured soul

    Posted by Edgehead on Friday, February 20, 2009

  10. Comment #10

    No. I am edgehead. a tortured soul.

    Posted by Edgehead on Friday, February 20, 2009

  11. Comment #11

    I could not stop laughing at HHH when his moustache thing was wobbling at the end of the show, i am sure he can do a better angry face than that!

    Posted by Crazy Steve on Friday, February 20, 2009

  12. Comment #12

    Why does Edge keep getting put in the most random title matches. So he lost the WWE Championship. GET OVER IT! He did not deserve to be placed in the World Heavyweight Championship Elimination Chamber. He lasted 5 minutes in the WWE Chamber match!And certainly did not deserve to win said match. I do not recognize Edge as champion. Cena got screwed.

    Posted by Wrestlebot Mark I on Friday, February 20, 2009

  13. Comment #13

    Wrestlebot Mark I, you ask why i am put in the most random matches?

    Because I am edge. a tortured soul.

    Posted by Edgehead on Friday, February 20, 2009

  14. Comment #14

    I think that this was a stupid move by the WWE but what has come out of it could be ok....
    Once again HHH is champ yeh he is a hell of a wrestler but why can't have have a fued that is not about a world title for once, this feud with Orton could be a good one but they have to do it properly. I don't know why they put edge into the Raw chamber I think that was not a good move by the wwe.
    The JBL/HBK/taker thing I think should be a good segment heading into WM there is always a cross branded match so this will be the one. I think JBL will unfortunatly for us go on to face taker at WM and JBL will lose. HBK will go onto the MITB and win leading to his eventual title victory and then his rein as champ. The ending of which will come when he retires some time in the next wrestling year.

    Posted by "The Man" Luke Champion on Saturday, February 21, 2009

  15. Comment #15

    It's so obcious why they did this, have Edge lose his WWE title then win Raw's title. For Triple H and Cena to switch brands, as Triple H does not like Smackdown! and Cena wants his title back. I don't understand why Cena does that, first he wants the WWE title, now we wants to World title... anyway.

    Edge is a great wrestler, not many of you see that. You hate Edge, well that means he's doing his job. You don't think he desevered to be in the Raw Chamber and you are angry with him, well that means he's doing his job. You hate the fact that Edge gets special prcialges since he's married to the GM on Smackdown!, he's doing his job! And so on and so on.

    Triple H will now give Raw a world title again, and two great superstars will be traded, which it is good to have Cena back on Smackdown! once again.

    And something else, Edge sees a opening, he takes it. For he is the Rated R Superstar... EDGE!

    Posted by Knuckles on Sunday, February 22, 2009

  16. Comment #16

    Was Piper there to prove Jericho's point?

    Posted by hejw on Sunday, February 22, 2009

  17. Comment #17

    im gonna beat you lots up

    Posted by gansta on Sunday, February 22, 2009

  18. Comment #18

    if you want some come and get some

    Posted by kenan on Sunday, February 22, 2009

  19. Comment #19

    i got a big head and iam very strong ill knock you fools out

    Posted by cory on Sunday, February 22, 2009

  20. Comment #20

    i used to have platts but i got my hair cut cause you breath took it of so come on take on the champ

    Posted by malachi on Sunday, February 22, 2009

  21. Comment #21

    you lot are all fools im the only champ i had a big house but your breath knocked it down

    Posted by kenan on Sunday, February 22, 2009

  22. Comment #22

    Comment 17, I think the reason Jeroicho is getting into fights with legends, is because he will probably face a legend at Wrestlemania.

    Posted by Knuckles on Sunday, February 22, 2009

  23. Comment #23

    wrestlemania will suck

    Posted by dissapointed on Thursday, February 26, 2009

  24. Comment #24

    How do you know, are you a TNA fan? TNA is really doing bad, there doing worser then ECW.

    Posted by Kunckles on Thursday, February 26, 2009

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