The Smackdown Rebound! 7/18/08

The Long awaited (and dreaded) Wedding took place earlier in the day and the Reception takes place tonight on the show. Expect many twists, turns, hearbreak and Drama tonight as per we have come to expect from wedding time in the WWE. I predict the entire show tonight will be centred around this angle so Il just leave the preview at that....

(opening video)

*The show opens with a video package. The "WWE voice-over guy" talks about the greatness of The Chimp / Edge love story, culminating in a wedding. He says they are binding "two souls into one"......Lets get ready for absolute mayhem tonight!!

Lights, Camera, Action! We are shown a video now of the actual wedding that happened earlier. The pastor asks for the wedding rings and they tease Chavo losing them, but he finds them and hands them to Edge. This is Farrely Brothers-style humor, and it works. So the guy (who looks awfully familiar) has Edge and Vickie do their vows and whatnot and pronounces them man and wife. Edge, Vickie, and Chavo hug each other. This is hilarious. We see a bumper with flower pedals falling from the heavens and a pink background, with yellow text, and a picture of Edge and Vickie smiling together. Jim Ross says that they invite us tonight to the WEDDING RECEPTION of Edge and Vickie. We then cut to the ramp dressed up in all white cloths with pedestals and tables etc. Edge, Vickie, Chavito, The Edgeheads, Bam Neely, and the wedding planner are all out there. We need Jake Roberts for this one! So Chavo puts Edge over as family, same with The Chimp (obviously). He says Edge is the brother he never had (Eddie?). Chavo says it's an honor and he says he will be by his side at the Great American Bash against HHH. I'm still waiting for "Together... our love will last forever" like WWE loves to do with every relationship angle.

Edge gets on the mic and cuts a quick promo, then says it's time to get the show underway. Finlay and Horny come out. Now Finlay is wearing the little green hat. Sheamus from FCW was right - disgrace to all Micks out there. JR announces the fatal 4-way WWE Tag Title match for Sunday's Bash featuring Miz/Morrison vs. Jesse & Festus vs. The Edgegeeks vs. Finlay & Hornswoggle. Bit of a random last minuite match...but Anyways, Finlay gets in the ring and Edge cuts another promo. Edge says that Finlay and Horny blatantly cheat all the time (too true). He says his Edgeheads aren't falling for it. He says tonight, the special guest referee will be... HIM.

Before the match even starts, I have to point out that The Edgeheads (as well as Edge) are working this match in their very expensive-looking wedding clothes. Finlay locks up with Hawkins and puts him in the corner and Edge scrambles to get him off, accusing him of cheating again. This is hilarious. Edge can actually do what Kurt Angle and so many others cant: he manages to be comically funny while still coming off like a bad-ass main event championship heel, and he doesn't make himself look like a goof while he's doing it. Edge acts like a dick the whole match and I can't help but laugh. Edge accuses Finlay of hair pulling. Edgeheads go to work on Finlay. Foley actually admits he can't tell them apart (thank God I wasn't alone on that one). Story here was Finlay fighting the odds - two guys and a crooked ref. Horny and Finlay do some comedy (desperate). Finlay catches Edge and is about to put him in the Celtic Cross, but Hawkins and Ryder break it up. Edge spears Finlay and one of the Edge guys gets the pin. Over..

Then the gentlemen put their coats back on and head up to the reception.Classy!. Edge is the WWE's MVP, no offense to MVP himself.

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*Vickie and Edge will now have their first dance as husband and wife!! OH MY GOD... THEY'RE SINGING TOGETHER.. OUR LOVE WILL LAST FOREVER! ITS THE SONG THAT WWE HAS USED IN EVERY SINGLE WEDDING SINCE 1991. 18 YEARS WWE HAS HAD THIS SONG COPYWRIGHTED!

It gets better...Big Show steps in and starts slow dancing with The Chimp! Edge is pissed and tells them to cut the music. Edge says he doesn't blame Show for wanting to dance with his beautiful bride. He says he has a match next and Edge knows his opponents, but Show doesn't. Big Show just cracks up laughing and heads to the ring. Now thats how to book The Big Show! Great Segment.

Match #2: 4 on 1: Big Show vrs MVP, Shelton, Kozlov and Khali

So Big Shows daring actions gets him booked in a 4 on 1 handicap match courtesy of the REAL GM of Smackdown Edge lol. We cut to the stage and watch Edge eating steak while watching the match. This is Godlike. Shelty locks up with Show first and gets trumped over, so MVP gets tagged. Show puts his hands up and MVP wants no part of that, so he tags in the "Moscow Mauler". Kozlov attempts a throw but can't get Show's near 500 lb frame over, so Khali is tagged in. The heels all try to attack Show but he cleans house. The rest of the heels then jump on Show and the ref calls for the bell.

Another stupid no contest finish finish? Three in one month WWE and 2nd week in a row for Big Slow? After the match, the heels quadruple team Show down. Serves him right for slow dancing with a Chimp!

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Vickie is in the ring and says that it is wedding tradition for the bride to throw the bouquet of flowers as an omen of good luck. A bunch of Divas are randomly outside the ring. Suddenly, McCool attacks Natayla while Vickie screams "excuse me!". I nearly croaked watching this. McCool and Nattie are having a catfight on the floor and Vickie screaming for The Edgeheads to split it up. They escort McCool out. Vickie throws the bouquet and it lands on the ground and Cherry Cherry catches it. These girls are so uncoordinated that Cherry had to pick it up off the floor and raise it up as the winner. Vickie says she is very happy for Cherry because she thought she'd never get married. Evil Vickie rules. Vickie says because she caught the bouquet, its entitled her to a special match tonight against...one on one with The Chimp herself, VICKIE GUERRERO... but before she has that match, she has to face Natalya.. RIGHT NOW.

Nattie goes in there and simply mauls Cherry. Nattie slaps on the sharpshooter and Cherry taps.

After the match, Vickie tells the ref to ring the bell again for HER match because its HER TURN. Legalized carnage is what this is!

Vickie runs in and covers the beaten Cherry for the pin.

Like it or not, WWE is certainly doing more creative things than the same old paint-by-numbers style of product that they've put on in recent memory. I'm loving the new direction RAW, Smackdown, and hell even ECW has taken too.

Wait, I just noticed something: WHERE IS THE WHEELCHAIR? Its a miracle! lol.

Foley says that Yang looks very "rested". I love Mick Foley. JR then calls him his favorite asian redneck (probably the only one too though). Kendrick comes out and has been completely repackaged. JR calls him "the real Brian Kendrick." He now wears white prada shirts and is accompanied by a GIGANTIC man named Ezekiel. This match is ROH reminiscent. We start with exchanging hammerlocks. They trade traditional moves. JR says that Kendrick is "Shawn Michaels in the attitude era" (ironic since he's a trainee of HBK). Awesome. Yang runs wild at the start. Lots of spectacular moves including a drop toe hold. Ezekiel on the outside is MASSIVE did I mention? Kendrick starts to lay in the kicks. Kendrick locks on a ground abdominal stretch. Kendrick works the left shoulder. Yang makes a comeback. This match brings back memories of the glory says of Velocity! Spinning enziguri by Yang for 2. Yang gets distracted by Ezekiel and Kendrick drives him down from the top. Sliced Bread #2 for the pin.

Spanky gets re-packaged...a new bodyguard, new music, a debut win and a glowing comparison from JR...the time has come for Spanky to rule the WWE (or get a push at least!). Oh and did I mention that Ezekiel is HUGE?

*Backstage, Edge is walking in a hurry and gets stopped by Carey the Slim Jim Guy. Wait a minute.. that's not the same Slim Jim guy that I remember. Anyways, he congratulates Edge on the wedding. He gives Edge a box of Slim Jims as a wedding present. Only in the wrestling business.*

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We see a recap of last week when Umaga attacked Kennedy, leading to this match. Umaga and Kennedy trade blows. Umaga continues to knock him down. JR says Kennedy has a "Hellboy like attitude". You can tell what movies he's been watching. Umaga starts to lay it into Kennedy who tries to fight back but keeps getting cut off. Umaga husses like Brody. Awesome. I like his style. Anyways Umaga cuts him off constantly. He slaps on the TONGAN DEATH GRIP and Kennedy fights back hard but continues to get cut off. I love it. JR calls this a "main event level match". Not quite. This match continues throught the commercial break. Kennedy is failing to do anything on Umaga without getting cut off. It's like an extended squash match almost. He goes for the mic check but gets nailed with the Samoan Spike. Umaga kills him.

This is apparently a non-title match. Your basic tag match here. Jesse and Morrison trade off early on. Morrison tags in Miz, who, even when he is serious, insists on acting like a goof. Jesse tags in the virgin. Festus cleans house as expected. Hits a flying squash in the corner and just clobbers Morrison. He signals for the end and nails the Earthquake, then sends Jesse flying from the top with a Rocket Launcher for 2. Festus goes after Morrison on the outside and tries to ram him into the post, but Morrison ducks out of the way and he hits the post hard. More action on the inside. Morrison goes up to try to interfiew but Festus catches him and hits that nasty flatliner on the outside. Meanwhile in the ring Miz hits the Reality Check for the 3.

"We dont do Big Fat Bald Virgins at the Palace of Wisdom"- John Morrison.

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*RAW REBOUND. I love how Steph doesn't like "infighting" and "general unprofessionalism". I thought that's what pro wrestling was about. This ain't 1953. And if you think that the stunt involving JBL and Cena was real then I advise that you light yoursel on fire right now.*

*Foley and JR put over all of the matches for Sunday's WWE Great American Bash PPV....it looks an average PPV at best, but I am digging the Edge-HHH/Y2J-HBK matches*

*Justin Roberts announces that from order of the Bride and Groom, the following contest is a BROTHER vs. BROTHER Match. Two Hulk Hogans? Wait nevermind. Matt and Jeff come out and throw the wedding cake at Chavo!!

It's Good vs. Evil, Sobriety vs. Addiction, Gay (?) vs. Straight. This match could've been built up for months. Few remember their shortlived feud in 2001, so maybe it'd be a good idea to do it again. Either way, good chain wrestling to start the match. I think Jeff may be more over than Matt even though he doesn't deserve it. Foley says Magnum T.A. was backstage. Why not put him in an angle? Jeff and Matt trade lots of armbars. Jeff goes for that stupid pin that can't beat anybody. Jeff goes after Matt and gets the advantage, but Matt cuts him off with a clothesline. They trade more moves until Matt makes a comeback. Matt nails a moonsault for 2. Out of nowhere, La Familia runs in and beats the hell out of the HardyZ.

Another false Finish!? Wait, if they wanted to beat them up, why wait until later in the match? Oh yeah... to wear them down. Makes sense. But wait, isn't it five on two? Eh.. who cares. Anyways, Edge spears both of them. It seems like Edge has screwed over Team Extreme in many ways over the years.....this just being the latest.

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Just when you think its all over......Edge is in the ring with The Chimp and the rest of La Familia. Edge says he understands now that its true - your wedding day is the best day of your life. Edge says he has worked the entire production team to the point of no sleep, just so he can present this to Vickie. We see a super corny music video with some corny 80s-sounding music and corny scenes that aren't even from Smackdown shows, including them in a meadow and them on a swingset. Total cheese, but hilarious. Vickie hugs him and she's so happy... ... .. ..And out comes The Champ HHH to crash the Wedding.....BOOOOO!!!

HHH says he is NOT secretly married to Vickie, a throwback from what he did in 99'. He says he has a video that will explain true love better than anything. Good ole HHH and his infinite promos. We see a video on the screen recorded with a hidden camera. GTV IS BACK! Edge is sitting on the couch and somebody knocks on the door. He takes some pills and runs to the door. Some chick comes in that ISN'T Vickie. He gives her flowers. ITS THE WEDDING PLANNER! She asks the whereabouts of Vickie. Edge says she's running errands. Apparently, this was taped the day prior to the wedding. Edge says he wants to go over scheduling. They go over it for a bit. This wedding planner talks about going to eat Italian food.

This is taking forever and just as I typed that, HHH told them to hold the video. Triple H says that Edge isn't pleased. He says this is boring so he wants them to fast forward to the good stuff. Edge says this white rose he is holding represents purity. He has her smell the flower. Edge notices her cologne. The look on Vickie's face is classic. Edge says her smell is like angel's harmonizing. Christ this is funny. Edge acts like his shoulder hurts. His "traps". She's massaging him.

HHH stops the video again. The wedding planner is there, with her head down. Edge tells Vickie he has a bad neck and he had neck fusion. HHH says that is a reasonable explanation and really HAS had surgery. HHH says lots of guys bring women up to their room when their wives aren't there and get massages. It means nothing lol. Edge is pissed and says he is sick of it. He orders The Edgeheads to attack him. HHH says he thought it might happen, which leads to gift #2: he pulls out a sledgehammer. HHH continues the true love video with Edge giving HER a massage. Edge says he can get to the knot on her back easier if she wasn't wearing a bra. Big Pimpin. Edge says that he went shopping for bras and whatnot for Vickie. He went to Frederick's of Hollywood (PLUG PLUG) and saw a bunch of fancy lingere. He asked for Vickie's size and they didn't have it, so he had to go to a place for bigger people!! HHH is laughing..The Fans are laughin...I just wanna know what happens next.. In the video, Edge says Vickie wears granny panties and has a big ass!

HHH stops the video yet again. He says it is awkward. He says he is embarrassed and he didn't watch it before he made it. He says this part completely kills gift #3. HHH PULLS OUT A PAIR OF GRANNY PANTIES! He says he can park his car under it!! HHH says he wants to cut to the chase and we see the FINAL CHAPTER of True Love. Edge starts to touch the wedding planner's legs. He says she is very attractive. He stares into her eyes but she wants to leave. Edge says no and asks her to stay. Edge kisses her. She....kisses back! The look on Edge's face in the ring, is priceless, and Alysha Fox is looking sad, perhaps because she took Kristals role here. Vickie goes at Edge. She is SCREAMING at the top of her lungs...Hell Hath no Fury! Edge walks off, looking like he is about to puke, and the show closes.

WOW. This was a great show...not for the fact that it contained great wrestling...but for the enjoyment factor. The La Famillia segments were all executed perfectly and the Creative Team must get a round of applause. I was annoyed that Edge and HHH were having virtually no hype or build for their match on Sunday but this revelation from HHH more then builds it into a potential Classic title match this Sunay...HHH has pontentially wrecked Edges marriage and Edge will be out for revenge, and what better way to do that then to de-throne the King of Kings? The Chimp may have other ideas though.....

Thats it for another edition of The Smackdown Re-Bound with me, Curtis Kash. Hope you all took the chance to read my report as well as enjoy it. Im hoping to keep delivering reports and articles on smackdown like this every week so your feedback is essential and comments are much appreciated, be they positive or negative.

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