Unfortunately we’re starting off with the Abraham Washington Show tonight so I’ll sum it up very quickly for you.

Zack Ryder was on (with Rosa) and made an idiot of himself.

Abe was drawing major heat though, a heat beyond just ‘we’re sick of you’, so I guess that’s a good thing.  Still, if I was watching ECW for the first time, or for the first time in a while, I’d have turned it off.  I’m prepared to sit through it because I know there might be some decent matches (Goldust’s on the card) but is this stuff designed to bring in the viewers?  When I do this I watch it first and then write as I rewatch... I can’t bring myself to rewatch this segment.  It physically hurts me.

Suffice to stay, Ryder finished the segment by bouncing on the sofa because Rosa read him a poem.

So... nearly 10 minutes into the show, and are we getting some wrestling in?  No.  No we’re not.  Replay of last week with the start of the dissolution of the Ruthless Roundtable, which frankly can’t come quickly enough.  Backstage segment where Regal apologises to Big Zeke, and vice versa.  Kozlov doesn’t get an apology.  Zeke flexes his pecs while Regal’s talking.

William Regal (w/ Zeke and Kozlov) vs. Goldust

If you don’t love Goldust, then there’s something wrong with you.  The guy’s a hero.  I’d much rather have him save me from a falling piano than Hurricane.  Matthews reminds us that Regal gave Goldust the Knee Trembler after his match with Kozlov the other week.  Goldust gets on top early with a series of rights and a suplex.  Regal rolls out to recuperate but Goldust takes him down on the outside and hits an atomic drop, back in the ring.  He sets him up for the Shattered Dreams!  Old school, awesome... but Zeke saves Regal while Kozlov distracts.  Regal hits a series of elbows to the back of Goldust’s head and locks in a seated full nelson, which Goldust escapes quickly and looks for a sunset flip, but Regal catches it and hits a couple of painful looking knees to the back of the head, and Goldust barely kicks out at 2.  A chinlock and a running elbow lead to what can only be described as Regal sitting on Goldust’s face in a cover attempt... interesting.  Another grinding facelock from Regal, but Goldust comes storming into it with a series of punches and the falling slap to the face, followed by a bulldog for 2.  Both Zeke and Kozlov try to grab Goldust’s leg as he goes into the ropes, but get in each other’s way and get into a shoving match as Regal hits an exploder suplex inside the ring and sets up for the knee trembler.  The two on the outside shouting and shoving distracts Regal long enough for Goldust to roll Regal up and get the three count.

Kozlov points at Zeke to the prone Regal, blaming him for the loss.

Winner: Goldust

Match Rating:  4/10 – A good start to the match, but too fast a finish to something that was building well.  I suppose it did the job of bringing the end of the RR closer, but I reckon Goldust could have done without a cheap(ish) win.  I really would like to see him given a title run.

The Burchills are talking to Tiffany in her office about them being kicked off the show.  I can see a masked Burchill coming back... that would be fun.  Two guys walk in as they leave, ‘Didn’t that dude used to be a pirate?’  They both keep interrupting Tiffany as she tries to talk, and say they’re going to change history.

They’re called Caylen Croft and Trent Barreta, apparently, and here comes their squash checklist:

1.       Baretta – Elbows

2.       Knees into the turnbuckle

3.       Double team gutbuster

4.       Stomps

5.       Snapmare

6.       Double knee drop

7.       Chinlock

8.       Croft – Leg drop

9.       Kick to the face

10.   Croft with the Manhattan Drop, Baretta with a fast running dropkick

Both of these guys are pretty small, would have liked to have seen at least one of them do a bit of high flying, but they just seem like mini-Charlie Haases to me, in fact they remind me a bit of Hawkins and Ryder.  Apparently their gimmick is cocky everyday guys, who play Guitar Hero.  Seem to be more heel than anything else.  They’ve also got really, really bad music.  It’s like the standard of music you hear at a baseball game with a slightly more jaunty ring to it.

Vance Archer gets a kind of interview/montage of every move he’s done so far.  He tells us that he’s going to savour each and every moment on his way to the top of ECW, and right now he’s painting his ‘masterpiece of agony’.  The interviewer does that thing that makes it look like she doesn’t know what to make of Archer as he tootles off.

Smackdown Rebound

Run through of the TLC card, and it turns out the Chairs match is Batista vs. Taker.  Well, I did call it.

Christian interrupts Benjamin about to beat him on SDvR 2009.  They do the ‘I got your back so we can both be 100% for TLC’ thing.

Kozlov’s shouting at Zeke on their way out, Regal tries to keep the peace.

Shelton Benjamin and Christian vs. Vladimir Kozlov and Ezekiel Jackson (w/ Regal)

Christian gets the crowd behind him before locking up with Zeke, who outpowers him easily.  Christian gets back into it with the speed game before Zeke hits a big clubbing forearm to the back.  He goes for a big clothesline but Christian ducks, and he falls to the outside, landing on his feet.  Zeke narrowly misses with a huge clothesline, but catches Christian for a scoop slam before missing a big elbow, allowing Shelton to get the tag.  He comes in with a series of rights, heads to the top rope but catches the onrushing Kozlov on the apron and Zeke knocks him off into the security wall in time for the ad break.

Zeke’s got a bearhug in as we return, but Benjamin fights out and gets the tag before hitting a springboard forearm, as Christian goes up top himself and hits a crossbody.  Jackson picks Christian up into a military press, but Christian struggles down and ducks another huge clothesline.  I’ll give it to Zeke, every one of the shots he’s missed looks like it would really hurt... he’s doing a decent job so far.  Christian dropkicks Kozlov off the apron, but Jackson hits a scoop slam, with Christian’s arm behind his back, that Christian oversells.  Jackson ignores Kozlov’s shouts for a tag for a little while, before he does eventually come in and continues to work on the arm.  Christian looks for a tornado DDT but gets thrown down instead, for 2, and Zeke’s back in with an armlock.  Christian rallies briefly but a big shoulder block takes him down just as the momentum’s shifting and he rolls to the outside.  Regal throws him into the ringpost as the ref’s distracted.  Back into the ring and Jackson locks in a double-shoulderlock before Kozlov tags himself in and hits a couple of standing armbreakers and a throw.  Kozlov sets him up on the turnbuckle for some headbutts and a kick, but Christian hits a desperation tornado DDT and makes the hot tag as Zeke drops off the apron, leaving Kozlov hanging.  Shelton hits the big splash into the corner, and Pay Dirt for the win.

Big Zeke keeps walking up the ramp as the 3 is counted, with a slight smirk on his face. Regal looks unamused.

Winner:  Shelton Benjamin and Christian

Match rating – 5/10 – Another storyline match, did its job without being spectacular.  I really hope they bring back Burchill as the last good match on here was the feud ender with Hurricane, and he’s a very good performer (massively underrated).

In general for the WWE, I think they’re heading in the right direction.  Verne Troyer was a terrible host though.  He just never looked comfortable as the host, and The Miz showed once again why he’s a hot property at the moment by way out-acting him in their little segment.  I’m also a massive fan of Maryse.  Couldn’t care less how good she is in the ring, she’s just insanely hot (maybe it’s just French-Canadian chicks... but I reckon it’s got something to do with that rack) and they’ve been crying out for a heel over there ever since that battle royal where the only heel diva was Alicia Fox, and she still managed to win.

It seems like it’s about time that Ted Dibiase turned face, if his new movie’s coming out soon then he’ll need the popularity boost.  Aligning with Kingston would be a good way to set it up... but I can’t see any way they could get that storyline to work.  Maybe they need one more go at putting him against Orton, and this time he actually snaps.  I know last time they put them together I was willing it to happen, one more and it’d be one of those great turn moments.  He does seem to have all the attributes to make it as a mainstay at the WWE/Heavyweight championship standard, while Rhodes still doesn’t look anything beyond the IC/US title tier.

And finally, Kane.  If you don’t want to see him given one last big push, face or heel (he’ll be cheered either way) then you’ve not been watching long enough.  The worst thing they could have done for him was put him in the feud with Khali, as he deserves better.  One last big push, maybe a title reign, maybe just taking out everyone... like the good old days.  Whatever happens, I want to see Kane back on top where I think he deserves to be, before he retires.

Show rating – 4/10

I’ve been The General, this has been ECW, consider yourself debriefed.