TNA Report 2/9/2010

I got good reviews so I guess I’m your new TNA impact reporter. I never said in my last article but my name is Spriorite and I’m happy to have been given this opportunity. That’s enough with the soppy stuff let’s get onto the slammy stuff.

(Taz mentioned the pigeons again, seriously what is that? I don’t get it )

Hogan and Bischoff come out to the ring with some woman then Hogan calls out “the fatal four”. Hogan tells the guys that whoever becomes the new TNA champion has to raise the bar. Bischoff starts stuttering but is interrupted by Abyss walking into the impact zone. The monster rambles a load of stuff about “them”. Abyss also mentions that “they” will arrive on the 10^th of October 2010. Just before the commercial break Jeff Hardy took a swing at Abyss.

(Taz is still talking about “the pigeons”. seriously what are they?)

TBI start the match before Rayne and her friend even get into the ring and teams trade blows for a while outside the ring. The bike woman is thrown into the guard rail and disappears for a while as TBI are in the ring busy beating on Rayne. Velvet picks up their whip thing that TBI now have and she went to whip Rayne presumably but her motorcycle riding bodyguard managed to get into the ring and break up the light bondage. The bell rings and we’re officially into the match. TBI play the basic tag team strategy and constantly tag into each other stopping Rayne from tagging in her partner. Velvet sets up Rayne for a DDT while the ref is busy talking to Love which gives the latex women a chance to interfere and hit Sky in the back with her biking helmet. Rayne rolls up Velvet and gets the 3 count.

After the match Madison and “her official bodyguard” continue the beat down on TBI. Wow, the woman takes off her mask and it’s Tara, TARA! Oh my god I love that woman.

Stevie Richards say he’s not afraid of Abyss.

There’s a short package talking about Abyss and whether “they” might exist, It also has some wrestlers saying how crazy Abyss is and Angle speculates that “they“ are like a god that Abyss has created in his own mind. We’re also told that RVD will be speaking next week.

The match starts with Abyss already in control and he maintains it for a good few minutes until Abyss leaves the ring in search of a chair. Stevie manages to hit a steel augmented Stevie kick and manages to get the 3 count on Abyss. Abyss gets the last laugh though as he hits a sick looking shock treatment.

We quickly cut back stage to see Fortune and EV2 being separated by security and Mick Foley is sat in the middle seemingly tending after an injured ankle/foot.

Back to the ring and Abyss hits a black hole slam on Richards then picks up Janice but Kendrick runs in and gets the save on Stevie.

Anderson says that although him and Pope have had a rocky relationship he doesn’t understand why Pope doesn’t like him. Out of nowhere Pope appears behind Anderson which leads me to conclude either Anderson is an idiot or Pope is a ninja, a preaching ninja. They talk about their match at No Surrender and the tag match later on.

EV2 are out in the ring and Dreamer calls out Fortune, Flair’s stable oblige and then AJ talks for what feels like twenty minutes about how fortune is going to beat EV2 in there various matches at No Surrender. Dreamer says they don’t have to wait until then and so we have an eight man tag match later tonight. Joy.

Jarrett is asking Samoa Joe to help him against Sting and Joe says no, again.

Sting has the majority of the control and whenever Jarrett tries mounting a comeback he is stopped by Kevin Nash who is at ringside and the ref seems to keep missing the interferences. Long story short Jarrett tries to get a suplex on Sting from the apron but Nash trips him causing Sting to land on top and get the 3 count. Jarrett attacks Nash but gets put in a bat chokehold until Hogan’s music starts to play and the man himself makes his way to the ring. Sting exits the ring to meet Hogan while Nash is blindsided by Samoa Joe. Sting soon leaves. I didn’t want Samoa Joe to come out. I liked it when he rejected Jarrett because it was funny.

London Brawling are out in the ring and Desmond immediately starts off by renaming Beer Money “Queer Money”, This is gonna be a good segment. I’m just on the look out for any hidden pair of sunglasses that Magnus might have on his body. They just make heels out of themselves until the Guns come out to break up the party.

Shelley says how MCMG are the best tag team in the world and I’d have to agree with him. Sabin takes it one step further and extends it to the universe. I’m here laughing to myself while my mum thinks I’m crazy but unfortunately I can’t tell you what I’m laughing about because it’s a bit NSFA but rest assured, it’s a very good segment. The segment ends with LB attacking the Guns.

EV2 are complaining about Fortune getting the upper hand and they are told that Foley cannot compete but Kendrick comes to save the day and becomes the 4^th member of EV2, at least for tonight anyway.

Jeff Hardy and Angle are talking about their match at No Surrender and how they’re going to work in the tag match tonight. This is basically a copy of Pope and Anderson’s segment from earlier only with less ninjas and more face paint.

Storm and Rhino start off the match but soon Storm tags in Kazarian but soon Sabu gets in too, he stays in control for a while but after an interference from Doug Williams Kaz gets the advantage and eliminates Sabu with a three count. Kendrick spends about five minutes getting destroyed by several fortune members until he hits a nice looking jump kick on Kazarian for the pin. AJ comes in and gets attacked by Kendrick for a while until Brian decides to dropkick the ref right out of the ring which will surely be a disqualification. Well maybe not as it’s turned into a brawl without the ref to keep people legal.

Commercial break.

We come back and are told that Kendrick has been disqualified. Beer money beat down on Dreamer. We’re also told that at No Surrender it’ll be Nash and Sting vs. Joe and Jarrett. Rhino is tagged in and hits a gore on James Storm but doesn’t manage to get an elimination. Abyss comes out to interrupt so Rhino abandons the match and begins fighting with him which leads to him being counted out so now it’s just Dreamer vs. Beer Money and Styles. A botched save attempt leads Roode to be eliminated and then Storm gets rolled up for the 3 count so now it’s just AJ and Dreamer. There are a few submission attempts but ultimately AJ hits the pele kick for the win.

After ten minutes worth of entrances Angle and Pope start the match. Pope and Anderson don’t really work well as a team and the tagging in and out is left mainly to Pope which leaves Anderon looking a little angry. Angle gets tagged in and he hits two german suplexes and then manages to connect with an Angle Slam on Pope but the 3 count is stopped by Anderson. A failed whisper in the wind attempt leaves both Hardy and Angle down which leaves Anderson free to hit the Mic check and Pope gets the pin much to his partner’s annoyance (Then again I’m sure Pope was the legal man). After the match Anderson and Pope begin to exchange blows (go figure) then Angle and Hardy begin to do the same (go figure X 10). The brawls are taken to the outside but are soon broken up by security and that is the end of Impact.

I am a bit below the limit at this point and so I’d like to give my predictions for No Surrender :

Angle will beat Hardy (I think he’s not quite ready to retire just yet.)

Anderson will beat Pope ( He’s been getting a bigger push and he won this weeks match)

(I quit) Styles will beat Dreamer ( I can’t see AJ saying he quits.)

(X division title) Doug Williams will beat Sabu (I don’t really like Sabu, I know he’s a legend but I find him quite average to watch)

(TNA Tag Titles) MCMG will beat London Brawling ( In truth this is the only match I’m actually going to be interested in.)

Jarrett and Joe will beat Sting and Nash ( Just because Joe is awesome.)

If I get them wrong then don’t hold me to those decisions but if I get them perfectly right then you’re more than welcome to worship me and make statues in my honour and what not. Anyways, I’ve been Spriorite and this has been this week’s TNA Impact. DFTBA.

Comments

1. Comment #1

   I've realised that I completely neglected the grudge match between Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky. I want Rayne to win.

   Posted by Spriorite on Saturday, September 04, 2010

2. Comment #2

   Sabu is awesome and can still give spectacle during the match but dont see him with the title.
   
   The pigeons thing is probably an expression or a metaphor comparing the girls.

   Posted by Mortal Van Dam on Saturday, September 04, 2010

3. Comment #3

   Nice man. It is good to read something about TNA not all the time WWE.
   
   1) WHY IN THE HELL I MUST SEE IN EVERY SHOW IN START HOGAN? I just dont get it. All the time. TNA THE BEST BROTHER. Hell i know that. Why do you have to repeat it. And the RAISING THE BAR thing? Dude when you come out you lower the bar. If not for Abyss i would skip that begining part. Please make more shows without Superman Hogan (he always comes to save somebody. COME ON. He barely can hit someone) But i like Bishoff. His segments are great :) And that women besides him is his secretary Miss Tessmacher.
   
   2) LET THE PIDGEONS LOOSE. TAZ says it all the time when HOT babe comes in the ring through ropes and you can see her as... no no no. I will say Her rear ending :D
   
   3) What means TBI? I know TBP - The Beautiful People? :D Just saying...

   Posted by Sparda on Saturday, September 04, 2010

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