Vampire's Crypt: Smackdown Report for 01/01/10

Would you like to write articles for The Wrestling Game and have them posted to the Main Board?

Please apply via PM to Mr. Indianapolis on s1. Unfortunately, s2 and s3 are incompatible at this time. :(

Thanks, and have a Happy New Year!

-TWG Publisher

Hello there, loyal mortals… It’s your master, Phenom The Vampire Lord, bringing you, as always, the Smackdown report. Tonight’s show is going to be pretty good (I hope) because we need a new #1 contender (again) for the world heavyweight championship. So the Beat the Clock competition is back! Plus we will have the Intercontinental Championship rematch and lots of other matches and segments… Let’s get this blood fest started!

CM Punk loves hands!
Out comes the Straightedge Savior /w Luke Gallows & Slammy Award and starts preaching to the masses… He calls a guy in the audience fat, we are all alcoholics, we will burn in hell in a boiling pit of molten lava… unless we follow him, and we have to do a little Boy Scout pledge thing… I don’t want to be saved… I love my addiction to garlic bread sandwiches… And now Punk will beat me until I join him…good luck with that…And he will beat his opponent and The Undertaker and be a 4 time Straightedge World Heavyweight Championship…WAIT, WHAT?  Kane is only a 2 time world champion and Punk is a 4 time world champion? WWE writers you have FAILED!
At least Hardy is out so I don’t have to listen to Punk anymore! And thank goodness for... COMMERCIALS!

Have you ever wondered what is it that makes bodybuilders’ muscles stand out? Well, I have your answer! It’s the hyper protein garlic bread sandwich! And it’s available NOW! In a vampire sandwich hut near you!

Matt Hardy vs. CM Punk(/w Luke Gallows and Slammy)
Roll up from Hardy at the 15 seconds mark and after some hand holding a small package  37 seconds gets a 2 count…Hand twists and a stomp on the abdomen of Punk…Matt is a soccer fan cause he’s hitting Punk’s ribs like David Beckham used to hit a ball when he was at Manchester United… Faceplant and a 2 count!
2 minutes in the match and Punk’s on the apron trying to choke hardy with the top rope then goes for a Springboard Clothesline which is blocked with a punch to the abdomen and a Russian leg sweep! Punk counters an irish whip and a neckbreaker soon follows! A 2 count and here comes the legged sleeper! Boring… time consuming and ineffective … but at least he lets Hardy go and starts shooting some elbows.
4 minutes in and Matt is on the ground after a clothesline… boring…Side suplex…
6 minutes in and Matt has the upper hand as he goes for a pin.Clothesline in the corner and a bulldog, side effect and a 2 count! Roundhouse kick and a GO TO SLEEP! Punk gets the win in 7 min 20 seconds!
WINNER: CM Punk!
After the match Luke Gallows comes in and does his Inverted full nelson powerbomb thing ( I looked around for it’s official name but I can’t find it…so I am sorry)
Graphics show us the remaining matches… Drew McIntyre vs. Morrison for the Intercontinental Championship, Kane vs. Dolph Ziggler, Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio and Batista vs. R-Truth!

Kane vs. Dolph Ziggler
Fiery flames of burning hell go off as Kane comes down the ramp for his match… followed by The blonde marvel, mister perfection, Ziggler!
30 seconds of grappling until Dolph decides to hurt Kane’s legs with some kicks and a dropkick.  The big red monster fights back with a clothesline and a Standing Vertical suplex, a snapmare and a low dropkick to Zig’s face for a 2 count. Dolph tries something from the ropes, Kane tries to counter it with something else and eventually gets a DDT from The master of the ZigZag. A neckbreaker thing to the sitting Kane, kicks, elbows and a dropkick, before Undertaker’s brother manages to slam Ziggler. But he misses the elbow drop. (Anyone knows if Kane still hits any of his opponents with that elbow drop? Leave the answer in the comments section). And Dolph hits a legdrop bulldog and then nails some elbow drops before going for a chin lock. Kane sends him in the ropes and nails the big boot!
2 minutes left from the match and Kane hits a powerslam for 2? (That looked painful to me!) The Big Red Monster rises on the turnbuckle and after trading punches with Ziggler he jumps and and connects with a flying clothesline.
1 minute to go and Kane has the chokeslam locked in, Ziggler goes up but grabs the ropes. The ZigZag attempt fails but a sleeper hold is locked in…Seconds to go and Kane does not tap out!
Winner: NONE…the match ended as a draw as the time ran out     
A frustrated Ziggler nails the ZigZag and makes his way back up the ramp…And it looks to me like he needs an army of hair stylists… he looks like a clown with that hair! I wonder if he’s Doink’s son…

Did you know?
No I did not nor do I care! All I want is a garlic bread sandwich! The vampire sandwich hut has a system of home delivery so I ordered 5 garlic bread sandwiches and a pizza… my blood hound is hungry…

Raw rebound!
I have no idea what happened here… nor do I care! It’s Raw…who watches Raw nowadays? Plus, the sandwich guy was ringing at the door! These guys are FAST!

The Carolina Panther vs. The Great Khali
Khali Bomb and the cocky pin!
Winner: The Great Khali
After the “match” The Punjabi Playboy shows us his dance moves…Precious!

John Morrison vs. Drew McIntyre for the Intercontinental Championship
“Now listen this aint no make believe”, the Friday Night Delight is back with the slow motion pyros and the indoors wind blowing in his face. He makes his way down the ramp and gives a a pair of glasses to a kid in the crowd before posing for the fans as we see what he did at Superstars, when he challenged the Scottish Champion! And Here comes the Intercontinental Champion. And here come the COMMERCIALS!

I don’t care about the Hitman’s shocking return!
It seems that the Vampire Sandwich Hut also makes Energy Garlic Bread Sandwiches! It’s basically your regular sandwich with extra sugar and a chocolate coating! It doesn’t taste great but it will fill you up with energy!

Pin attempt! Followed by an elbow and that leg lariat. Clothesline and The chosen one is thrown out of the ring! A jump off the guard rail to avoid a hit followed by a moonsault off the guard rail! He drags Drew in the ring and goes for a pin but only gets a 2. A boot to the head and John is thrown out but his leg gets caught! McIntyre attacks Morrison’s legs with kicks and submissions. And John retaliates with an enzuigiri …and a PELE KICK for a 2 count. Flying Chuck and another 2 count… A hurricanrana ends in a backbreaker… Drew pushes Morrison away, who hits the referee, who disqualifies Morrison…
WINNER: Drew McIntyre
John Morrison was brilliant…And the WWE writers… AWFUL… that’s about it! And after the match John attacked Drew… but nothing interesting…

Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix
Mickie is HOT! That means that she is in no way…I mean no way FAT!
Winner: Mickie James

Did you know?
No I did not nor do I care! All I care about are my sandwiches!*eats 2 at a time*

Jericho is big!
Basically, Jericho is bigger than WWE… and he will regain the Unified Tag Team Championships and be the face of the entire company! And he will beat Rey and he will beat The Undertaker and he will be a god!

Chris Jericho vs. Rey Mysterio
1 minute 20 seconds in and nothing important happened… Speringboard crossbody from Rey gets him a 2. Huge clothesline from Jericho for a 2… enzuigiri from Rey and Jericho is on the second rope! Missed 619! Chris tries to make Mysterio tap out with a sleeper…ReyRey elbows his way out of it and trips Jericho who goes face first into the turnbuckle! Diving headbutt and he gets a 2 count as we hit the 4 minutes 30 seconds mark… Springboard crossbody from rey but that doesn’t work… Walls of Jericho almost locked in, but Mysterio powers out! 619 position but Jericho catches the legs and Rey is screaming in the boston crab! Somehow Mysterio escapes putting Jericho in the 619 position in the process! 619! And the splash is countered with a Codebreaker!  Inside Cradle by Rey and with 1 second left REY WINS!
Winner:Rey Mysterio
Come on Jericho…your acting skills are legendary...and you want me to believe that ending?

The Hitman is back!
I do not care!

I’all know what time it is!
It’s the time for our main event and out comes R-Truth followed by The Animal! And we have Mysterio at ringside as the COMMERCIALS show up!

I lost the phone number of the sandwich hut so no more recipes now… I have to find that phone number!

Batista is using that monster power to dominate the match but Truth uses his agility to trip Batista and a legdrop soon follows! Huge clothesline counter by Batista, suplex and a Powerbomb? No, R-Truth slips and dropkicks the Animal’s face sending him outside the ring and launches himself over him! Batista gets up and starts hitting R-man against the steel posts and steps. Back in the ring Truth hits a dropkick but lands directly in the Blackhole Slam. Spear countered with a DDT and a Spinning Axe Kick. The Missile Dropkick misses it’s mark! A spear, spinebuster and a Batista Bomb! The referee starts counting but Rey pulls the referee from the ring and the clock beats both Batista and R-Truth!
Winner: The Clock!
Vickie comes out and arranges for Rey to meet Batista next week in a #1 contender match! BOO!
The show was ok but I wanted to see the champion fighting too…and they edited out the tag team match!

All right Ladies and Gentlemen, this is it for this edition, make sure to read my next article,I am Phenom The Vampire Lord, until next time find yourself a garlic necklace… you might need it!

Comments

1. Comment #1

   Rey Vs Jericho was COOL the 619 reversal Codebreaker i thout that was it for sure and then rey does a 619 body splash 1, 2, 3 and the clock unbelivable 1 sec left

   Posted by Estonian Striker on Monday, January 04, 2010

2. Comment #2

   Very cool match the ending was the coolest win by inside cradle i think that how he defeted Batista too!

   Posted by ES on Monday, January 04, 2010

3. Comment #3

   You like your garlic sandwiches don't you

   Posted by Joshua Wallace on Monday, January 04, 2010

4. Comment #4

   sommerlund Jericho was just hit with the 619 so would would be hurt enoeugh to be pinned
   dejan why should rey be disquilfied he beat jericho he had the time 7:19 if it so that bad why didn't the dq him
   i don't remember kane hitting that elbow ever
   and why is a vampire giving garlic bread respies has he got a deathwish

   Posted by matt on Monday, January 04, 2010

5. Comment #5

   I think he forgot that Jericho pinned Rey but ended in a two-count. Then, he argued with the ref and THEN Rey pinned him. I'm sure he forgot...

   Posted by F-X (Dustin Black) on Monday, January 04, 2010

6. Comment #6

   The finisher is called the "12th Step" and he has used it around 5-7 times (including this one)

   Posted by Sean on Monday, January 04, 2010

7. Comment #7

   Chris Jericho should have won, hes probably the only wrestler in WWE that's worth watching for me. Jericho never wins, its sort of BS, hopefully he will win back the Unified Tag Team Titles on Raw, and if he doesn't, I'm sorting hoping for him to win the Royal Rumble. But on the other hand, HBK may win, because he wants to go against Taker at Wrestlemania.

   Posted by ??? on Monday, January 04, 2010

8. Comment #8

   I call it the gallows bomb, or the straight edge slam (I've permenantly taken the straight edge vow, how about you?)

   Posted by EddieRox on Monday, January 04, 2010

9. Comment #9

   First Jericho cant win this timed match becuase he has bigger fish to fry with DX this monday. Second Hardy cant win his match in this time thingy because he is set to be in that ECW home coming king pagent thingy! (yes I realize I said thingy twice!) CM Punk should have won this clock match. Why because I would rather see taker beat the crap out of CM Punk than see Taker fight The Mexican Midget Rey Mysterio Jr or the over hyped gym rat Batista! Neither are really worth takers time. The only match I wanted to see was the Hart Dynasty. But acording to wwe they would rather hype DID you Know and great Kahli beat up some dude. I agree WWE writers need to be strung up and the true WWE fans play pinyata!

   Posted by T-Wolf on Tuesday, January 05, 2010

10. Comment #10

    ^ Yes, that doesn't make much sense

    Posted by Nick Awesome on Monday, January 04, 2010

11. Comment #11

    LOL it's fake .... The storyline that's how he beat him just like all the other wrestlers win their match
    
    Doesnt have to make sense just entertain long enough for DX to sell their merchandise....

    Posted by ....................................... on Tuesday, January 05, 2010

12. Comment #12

    I believe the first time Luke Gallows used his finisher, Striker i believe referred to it as the "10 steps to recovery" or something along those lines
    
    

    Posted by The Destructornator on Monday, January 04, 2010

13. Comment #13

    Mysterio should be disqualified, and CM Punk should win the title shot. I dont get people that actually believe that a midget mexican can beat ANYONE in the WWE.

    Posted by Dejan on Monday, January 04, 2010

14. Comment #14

    Rey vs Jericho's match ending sounds lame. If he hit the Codebreaker, how did he suddenly just pin him?

    Posted by Sommerlund on Monday, January 04, 2010

15. Comment #15

    *agrees with Sommerlund*

    Posted by Meh on Monday, January 04, 2010

16. Comment #16

    Is the Garlic Bread a Vanilla Coke reference?

    Posted by Confused on Tuesday, January 05, 2010

17. Comment #17

    nope... the garlic bread is better... it's a part of my idea of mocking vampires..as a normal vamp would be killed by garlic!
    Thank you all for the "thumbs up"!
    \m/

    Posted by Phenom The Vampire Lord on Tuesday, January 05, 2010

18. Comment #18

    JUST A THOUGHT I personally think if WWE were too bring back cruiserweights i would watch more I like watching cruiserweights fly around the ring instead steroids filled wanna be althetes flex their muscles (Batista)......
    
    Idk but very little wrestlers offer the excitement like WWE 5-6 years ago.... mainly John Morrison.. Rey Mysterio... Evan Bourne........ R-Truth... Which are all technically crusierweights..

    Posted by YOOOOOOOO on Friday, January 08, 2010

19. Comment #19

    I hate how WWE's making fun of Jericho. Come on he's the best in the world at what he does. He deserves a world title reign. Well I hope WWE's got huge plans for him in near future cause' WWE is loosing it's wrestlers...

    Posted by Deep Impact on Friday, January 15, 2010

Leave a comment