Vampire's Crypt: Smackdown Report for 01/08/10

Hello there, loyal mortals… It’s your master, Phenom The Vampire Lord, bringing you, as always, the Smackdown report. Tonight’s show is going to be… I don’t know how it will be so I guess we should get this blood fest started, and find out!
Batista is The Animal… all we have to do now is to find out what kind of animal…
He walks alone to the ring! And starts complaining… he’s treated so unfairly by the big bad GM… Aww… And he calls out Teddy Long… Booyaka Booyaka! Out comes Rey Mysterio with a microphone in hand… And he wants to explain to Batista why he’s not the world champion… Oh boy this will get really boring really quick! So, Dave is blinded by his selfishness and greed (What about the damn spotlight? ). And he’s nothing but an arrogant crybaby!  And he’s scared that Rey is going to beat him again… On the blood of the elders someone please show up and silence those guys! But at least the blue graphics show up on the screen… #1 contenders match tonight …The Animal Batista vs. The Masked Warrior Rey Mysterio

Kane vs. Dolph Ziggler
We see a video from last week as the competitors make their way to the ring and get ready for the match… So exciting…NOT!
Kane is beating the life out of Ziggler but then decides to go for a superplex… Dolph throws some punches and a second rope dropkick and gets a 1…DDT to a kneeles Kane…and a 1… That running neckbreaker thing gets him another 1…Tornado DDT attempt but Kane gets free from the hold…Big boot and a side slam for 2…Flying clothesline! And the chokeslam is blocked… ZIG ZAG connects…1,2… kickout! Sleeper by Dolph.. they fall out of the ring with the hold still on… The referee is counting…8! Zigler gets back in, but Kane fails to do the same…
Winner: Dolph Ziggler  
Boring, and what’s up with that ending? The WWE writers are idiots… *gets himself a garlic bread sandwich*
Graphics show us that CM Punk will save a member of the WWE Universe tonight…

We are sorry!
Layla and Michelle McCool are backstage apologizing to Beth Phoenix! We don’t really care about that so … Mickie James is not fat! She is hot…

Canadian reunion!
Jericho got kicked off Raw on Monday…yay… and he’s upset, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s the best in the world… he’s the face of WWE; he’s even the face of Smackdown… WAIT WHAT? Isn’t he the face of Smackdown and the face of WWE? LEARN your lines Chris… The Hart Dynasty is ready to make an impact tonight (I hope they’ll take his head off again) and what happened to Bret on Monday will never happen to them, because they are better than the best. PERIOD!

The vampire sandwich hut isn’t doing very well…we need your support people…And we need it right now!

Y’all know what time it is! It’s CRYME TYME! Hmm, this should be interesting… a 6 man tag team match…1 big man and 2 athletes in each team… + Natalya for the Harts…

Cryme Tyme & R-Truth vs. The Hart Dynasty & Chris Jericho
Face team dominates in control of the match until Tyson Kidd manages to make the tag and Jericho gets in… Big boot from Truth and a spinning leg kick!

We need more orders at the vampire sandwich hut! Don’t let it die people! Let’s save it! Just like we did with the whales… oh wait we failed there… Save the GARLIC BREAD SANDWICH!

And we’re back to see Jericho squashed in the corner by Shad. Military press… and Shad runs towards the ropes to build up some speed but DH Smith pulls down on them and Cryme Tyme member falls outside. Jericho brings him back in and they start kicking and stomping on his ribs. And a dropkick from Chris! Kidd is in and lands a low dropkick but a clothesline from Shad sends both men down! The tag is made… In come JTG and Jericho! Wrap-around clothesline thing. HAVOC AND CHAOS in ring! Rollup gets a 2 count… A move from the second rope is reversed into the Walls of Jericho! And those walls look painful…And JTG taps out!
WINNERS: The Hart Dynasty & Chris Jericho

Again graphics to show us the main event!


Save me!
CM Punk and Luke Gallows come out with the Slammy, a chair and a little black box. And Punk is out here to save one very lost soul from the audience! He’s not lost you idiot, he’s in the crowd! And he promises to save only one man from the audience, and that man is brought to the ring from the audience by Luke… And Punk can see through all those people… that sounds weird… Anyway, James takes a seat and he’s about to accept The Straightedge Superstar as his savior! That boy scout-like pledge is pathetic…And to be a member of the Straightedge Society you have to be bald? Poor James… Look at him… I hope he was paid very well for that…And next week it could happen to me? I wish you’d try that!

Matt Hardy vs. Luke Gallows
Luke seems to be aggressive… is that what they teach you at the Straightedge Academy?
Apparently Matt wants to take out Luke’s legs but a well hit right hand uppercut sends Hardy outside… Gallows gets him back in the ring and does a nice back suplex…Arms and legs wrapped around Matt in a weird looking submission move.  Hardy gets out of it with some well placed hits and a sunset flip gets him a 0! Side chin lock reversed with a jawbreaker by Matt. MOONSAULT! I haven’t seen that from him in a long time (anyone remembers when’s the last time he did the moonsault? If so, please drop me a comment or a pm). And that gets him a 2 count. Corner clothesline, but the bulldog doesn’t connect…A boot to Luke’s face stops him dead in his tracks! And a tornado DDT for another 2. Hardy goes for a high risk move but he is distracted by Punk, and gets hit with a big boot! Luke picks up his opponent and locks in that inverted full nelson and drops him into a modified spinebuster! The Gallows Pole connects and gets him the 1,2,3!
Winner: Luke Gallows

Diva moment!
Maria and Teddy are talking about her appearance on Celebrity Apprentice! And out comes Vickie Guerrero! She would have done it but she is too busy running SMACKDOWN? And Vickie was young, intelligent and beautiful once? On the blood of the elders please shut that woman up… I’ll give 5 garlic bread sandwiches to the man that does it for me! And then they start praising the awesome WWE action figures… Seeing Vickie happy makes me want to eat another sandwich! And Khali comes in and says that the WWE Vickie Guerrero action figure reminds him of the cows back home! And he even Moo’s at her! PRICELESS!

Did you know?
No I did not! I was busy ordering myself some garlic bread sandwiches! You get a free coke for every order that exceeds 15 dollars!

Beth Phoenix vs. Layla(/w Michelle McCool)
Who cares? Layla got owned!
Winner: Beth Phoenix!
After the match Team Layla-McCool attacks Beth! Mickie comes out and beats everyone in the ring! GO MICKIE!

Backstage talk!
Footage from last week is shown. Drew CLEARLY shoved John Morrison into the WWE official. The Intercontinental champion talks about how he is better than JoMo, that he’s undefeated, that he will win the Royal Rumble, but here comes the Friday Night Delight and interrupts the interview! He makes fun of his Scottish heritage and uses that fake accent again! THANK YOU WWE WRITERS! And a backstage brawl! Well that’s not really a brawl but hey… that’s the best you can do taking the PG rating into account!

The WWE website has some exciting articles…
But I don’t care because I have everything I will ever need… my beloved garlic bread sandwiches!

Batista vs. Rey Mysterio (#1 contenders match)
Mysterio is out first and does his usual “touch the masked kids” ritual while making his way to the ring. And apparently Batista has a new entrance routine… no more big bangs! Just him in the dark with a spotlight following him as he makes his way to the ring!
The match starts outside where Rey nails some kicks, but as soon as they get back in the ring, Batista’s power prevails! Irish whip in the corner followed by 2 backbreakers, one on the extended knee and one on the shoulder! Rey somehow gets to the ropes and goes for a seated senton, but it’s reversed in a powerbomb, that’s reversed in a hurricanrana sending Dave on the second rope in a 619 position! He rolls outside and catches Mysterio’s crossbody attempt and sends him back first into the steel post!

I challenge you all to a garlic bread sandwich eating contest! The winner will get a lifetime supply of sandwiches from the vampire sandwich hut! I dare you to sign up for it!

We’re back and Rey is up on the turnbuckle! Frog splash…almost like the ones RVD does… ALMOST. Springboard crossbody reversed in a spinebuster, followed by his twin brother! And a spear! Rey is in the Batista bomb position as THE LIGHTS GO OUT! The lights come back and both competitors are down, but Taker’s not around! Springboard bulldog by Mysterio followed by a DDT! The 619 connects… THE LIGHTS GO OUT! And again both mean are down and The Undertaker still hasn’t showed up! The pyros go all ballistic announcing Taker’s presence as the show ends!
Winner: NO CONTEST

The show was ok… I was expecting to see the World Champion, but hey… you can’t have them all!

All right Ladies and Gentlemen, this is it for this edition, make sure to read my next article,I am Phenom The Vampire Lord, until next time find yourself a garlic necklace… you might need it!

Comments

1. Comment #1

   The Kane-Ziggler match was awesome, you judged it way to harshly

   Posted by The Destructornator on Monday, January 11, 2010

2. Comment #2

   chris jericho is awesome u loser

   Posted by RKO_KILLS_CENA on Monday, January 11, 2010

3. Comment #3

   I wish Matt Hardy and Kane would start winning again.

   Posted by Alexander on Monday, January 11, 2010

4. Comment #4

   Destructornator: maybe... but let's be honest, kane deserves better!
   RKO: chris jericho is awesome but his promos are all about how awesome he is and the others aren't...his Ring skills are better than most SD wrestlers! i'l say he's in top 3!

   Posted by Phenom The Vampire Lord on Monday, January 11, 2010

5. Comment #5

   Kane should win the rumble.. and win the world title, Not going to happen but, Meh. Good article and pass me a sandwich :>

   Posted by Joshua Wallace on Monday, January 11, 2010

6. Comment #6

   I saw him do one on Smackdown a few weeks ago,not so sure when,but that one was a miss.

   Posted by The Miz on Monday, January 11, 2010

7. Comment #7

   LIONTAMER FTMFW!!!!!!!!!1

   Posted by Adam Nedman on Monday, January 11, 2010

8. Comment #8

   I'd like to sign up for the Garlic bread sandwich eating contest :P

   Posted by Mike Steel on Thursday, January 14, 2010

9. Comment #9

   So it's me, mike and joshua?
   Epic win for me:)

   Posted by Phenom The Vampire Lord on Thursday, January 14, 2010

10. Comment #10

    ME and my brother are going to
    put you in the walls of jericho!!!!!!!!!
    goody goods.

    Posted by ASHLIE JERICHO on Saturday, January 16, 2010

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