Actually I’m not sorry, everyone knows Smackdown is taped earlier and aired on Fridays.

Now I am free to say whatever I want in my article so…Welcome into my crypt! I am your host Phenom The Vampire Lord and tonight I will review Friday Night Smackdown and maybe rant a bit on the upcoming WWE PPV Over The Limit!

Let’s get this blood fest started!

Once again we start the show with a video package from last week. But at least this video is funny, because it’s the one where The Big Show plays around in Swagger’s hall of fame.

I’m still hoping Swagger will appear later on tonight with his patched up trophies cutting that promo all over again. That would be freakin’ hilarious.

3 of them tonight

The show starts off with the Straightedge Society and 3 guys sitting in ring on chairs probably waiting to get shaved. Luke and Serena say something but I honestly couldn’t care less about their stupid opinions!

Punk looks really weird with those orange socks on.

Also, does anyone know how does he make his hair stand that straight? I tried but I epicly failed and got an emo hairstyle.

Punk wants us to touch the screen and feel the power of straightedge glow through us? Or was it flow?

The 3 idiots on chairs say the allegiance pledge and I’m wondering if I should congratulate Punk or just throw my computer out the window. Heads getting shaved

Rey comes out with his stupid accent and stupid mask and shows us a pic of a BEARDED SERENA? Oh no, it was a bald Punk.

Punk goes berserk so he attacks his 3 new disciples. I hope their health insurances are up to date.

Lay-Cool vs. Kelly Kelly and Tiffany

Hair+screaming doesn’t equal rating!

Winners: Layla and Michelle McCool

Losers: The viewers!

The Big Show cuts a tiny Swagger-like promo where he lists one of his accomplishments: Knocking the hell out of Jack Swagger 3 weeks ago!

JTG vs. Caylen Croft(/w Trent Baretta)

Caylen Croft drops down to avoid the running JTG and looks like an idiot when JTG starts whipping his peet on his head. He gets up all nervous and attacks his opponent with a useless head lock. Awesome FAIL!

JTG gets up with a botched Mug Shot. His finisher connects and the referee raises his hand up in victory.

Winner: JTG

Making the peeps happy!

Piggie Guerrero is backstage playing Pacman on her cell when Christian comes in. Maybe Piggie needed help with eating the ghosts on Pacman?

PIGGIE, you just imagine they’re walking pieces of salami! That can’t be hard for you!

Turns out Piggie just wanted to be invited on the Peep Show. But Christian politely declines her offer cause he wants people to actually watch his show! ( in your fat face Piggie!)The peeps have sent videos of who they want to be on the first Peep Show.And they have sent in videos of wrestlers, actors, random guys who enjoy chicken.And all these guys are more popular than Piggie? BLASPHEMY! Christian leaves leaving the angry Piggie alone.

Vance Archer and Kurt Hawkins vs. NoName Tag Team.

Reverse DDT and Kurt Hawkins flies off the top rope with a diving elbow drop.

Winners: Vance Archer and Kurt Hawkins

The Big Show cuts another short promo where he reminds us that he Chokeslamed Swagger through a table.

Before his match against Kofi Kingston, Jack comes out to tell us he, his daddy and the World Heavyweight championship were disrespected by The Big Show. Cry me a river!

Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger © (non-title match)

Both Kofi and Jack seem to have some pent up frustrations and aggression as we head into COMMERCIALS!

We’re back with and armbar. They get out of the ring and a front fireman’s carry push into the steel pole. Back in ring with a pin for a 2 count. Swagger seems to be concentrating on the midsection of Kofi Kingston. Big Boot to a springboarding Kofi. Body scissors, elbows to the ribs and a modified half nelson take a lot of time and I’m starting to get bored!

Swagger puts Kofi on the turnbuckle and TWISTING DDT from Kingston. 2 handed chops, dropkick and punches precede the fron flippy Russian leg sweep thing.Missed TiP and a big boot to Kofi’s head!

THE BIG SHOW’S OUT!

Swagger gets distracted and Kingston springboards off the top rope with a crossbody.

Winner:Kofi Kingston

Show points to the titantron where a “Kofi just beat you” message appears.

It’s time for the Peep Show

If Christian doesn’t dramatically impress me I’ll always hate him!

His guest is Hornswoggle.

Eyes bleed out to death as I try to find the fast forward button! FOUND IT!

Piggie and Chavo Guerrero are out. She wants to shut down the snoozefest and she calls Canada useless. Christian and Hornswoggle say Piggie is an obese moose. Ziggler comes in from behind and Zig Zags Christian. Off the top rope… the Frog Splash!

Rey Mysterio and MVP vs. (the men of the )SES

Luke seems to have assumed the role of giant jobber left open by Mike Knox. He’s getting beat up by MVP and Rey but Serena interferes right before COMMERCIALS!

Back with Punk working MVP’s arm. He tags in Luke who does nothing and tags Punk in. Montel pushes Punk off him but fails to make the tag. Gallows back in ring does is mad cow splash for a 2 count. Ground work from Luke who manages to let Rey in and  the silver midget is making Gallows lok like a retard. Springboard clothesline from Punk who can’t hit the GTS! Punk on the ropes! Masked man attacks Rey but Mysterio fights back. Hurricanrana gets Rey the win.

Winners: MVP and Rey Mysterio

Josh”the company retard”Mattews is backstage with Drew McIntyre. The Scotsman says he truly deserves to be The Chosen One.

(speaking of chosen and special ones, the UEFA Champions League 2010 winner is Internazionale Milano)

Kofi appears out of nowhere and says something I did not understand! And BOOM BOOM!

Cena-Batista rivalry video package is skipped over with the help of my trusty fast forward button.

Main Event!

Drew McIntyre vs. The Big Show

Show just squashes Drew. And then he squashes him some more with some brutal chops. Eye rake from McIntyre and… nothing! He runs into a wall and gets owned!

Show’s on his knees and Drew can’t Butterfly DDT him. Chokeslam as Swagger interferes.

Winner:The Big Show (via DQ)

Big boot followed by 2 Vader Bombs. Stomps on the KO hand of The Big Show. Swagger gets himself a chair which gets punched out of his hands!

THE END