But before I start everything, I would just like to say that my Over The Limit predictions were horribly off. I only had 2 right! That’s just because WWE’s idea of a pay-per-view is very strange. Anyways I just wanted to say this to show you I hadn’t forgotten about it.

Now that we got that out of the way, let’s get this blood fest started.

The dark menacing shadow of Smackdown is back tonight to terrorize the blue brand’s superstars. Tonight the Deadman will rise from his grave and once again roam the earth in search of glory, titles and wrestling immortality. The Undertaker is back!

The General Manager of Smackdown!

In 4 weeks Jack Swagger will defend his title in a fatal 4 way. The Big Show qualified automatically and we will have 2 more matches to determine the other competitors.

CM Punk vs. Kane and Rey Mysterio vs. The Undertaker are announced.

Drew is out and he starts complaining about how he lost his title while being in extreme pain from that cut on his elbow. He is the Chosen One!And he has another letter that Teddy must read “eout leoud”.

Matt Hardy is suspended without pay until further notice! Oh well, we can live without the losing Hardy on my screen.

Then Drew threatens Teddy with a contract termination letter!

OOH YEAH!

Hardy is out and although he’s wearing black clothes we can still see his beer belly. Anyway he doesn’t give Drew what he deserves cause Teddy and the security guys don’t let him! BORING!

Kofi Kingston and The Big Show vs. Drew McIntyre and Jack Swagger

On his way down the ramp Jack reminds us that he’s still the World Heavyweight Champion.As if we care!

Swagger starts off with Kofi and apparently his ribs hurt! So he tags in Drew who’s trading blows with the South African Superstar. Drew and Swagger start chatting in their corner while Kofi tags in show who stinger splashes Drew.

McIntyre looks like a puppet in Show’s hands. Body slam from Show and a Slingshot Splash from Kingston for a 2.

For some reason Kofi looks like he has at least 2 gears more than Drew. Swagger grabs his leg as he’s ready to do a springboard move and Drew gets in control of the match.

Swagger comes in and applies a very evil looking head lock. THAT was a really impressive looking spinebuster from Swagger. Drew’s back in and he clotheslines the life out of Kingston. Chickenwing and chin lock to a grounded Kofi. Swagger is tagged back in ring. Second rope springboard crossbody on Jack lets show in who Knocks Out Drew and pins him to get the win for his team.

Winners: Kofi Kingston and The Big Show

As always the commentary was awesome and the match was ok. We were all expecting Kofi to get dominated then tag in Show who would beat up everyone.

Punk is backstage with his disciples who try to lift his spirits but everything they say makes Punk say “I know that”. That’s funny as hell. He leaves threatening us to take off the towel in the middle of the ring. Oh Ma Gosh!

Piggie Guerrero is backstage and she’s yelling at Archer and Ryder in Spanish. She yells at them some more then sends them out. Dolph comes in and erm, scares the living hell outta everyone by talking nice to Piggie.

He gets a match tonight. A tag match with Chavo in his corner (Dolph had an “OMG, that loser as my partner” face) against Christian and Hornswoggle.

CM Punk comes out with the towel on his face and FINALLY takes off his towel (my eyes are burning) and he’s wearing a horrible mask (my eyes are really burning).

Kane comes out and for some reason he has a really happy expression on his face.

Kane vs. CM Punk

Kane starts off nice and is in control of the match as the commentators are talking about hair, strength, control and other stuff. Kane fails to rip off the mask as we head into COMMERCIALS

We’re back and Punk is beating… was beating the flames out of Kane. Big Red Monster’s on the top rope but Punk gets up and starts working on his left knee.

Honestly, with that mask on Punk looks like his head is smaller than before.

Kane’s knee is in a very ugly submission hold and he can’t get out of it cause his beer belly is too big. Modified half boston crab by the Chicago made straightedge.

Striker says Kane has NEVER tapped out! So I googled “kane tapped out” and I got this “Chris Benoit managed to make Kane tap out with a modified version of the Crippler Crossface to win the match!” on june 28 2004.

In the meantime Kane got in control of the match and managed to get his knee shattered to pieces with a flying clothesline! Roundhouse kick+Botched GTS get Punk the win.

Winner: CM Punk (qualifies for Fatal 4 Way)

Christian and Hornswoggle vs. Dolph Ziggler and Chavo Guerrero

I don’t care what anyone will say, but this will be worse than a diva’s match. So for those of you who want to know the details of the match…Sorry but you won’t read them here!

Winners: Christian and Hornswoggle

After the match Dolph makes Christian pass out with a sleeper hold.

Next week Drew will use his rematch for the Intercontinental Title.

Backstage Layla and McCool are yelling at the camera. I have no idea what they wanted to say in that promo but that might be my fault. 

Luke Gallows vs. MVP

Montel is looking ok out there. And I’m not talking about his outfit which is absolutely horrible. The referee interferes and Luke manages to get the upper hand with some very ugly shots. Flying shoulder block off the second rope from MVP who’s BALLIN’! Gallows tries to run away but MVP follows him and sends him flying in the ring. Serena distracts the referee, the masked man emerges from under the ring and attacks MVP. Gallows hits his Inverted Full Nelson Spinebuster for the 1…2…3!

Winner: Luke Gallows

Last week Batista quit (WIN) and Bret “the Hitman” Hart became the new Raw General Manager! (FAIL)

Main Event! Fatal 4 Way qualifying match!

Rey Mysterio vs. The Undertaker

While Taker makes his way to the ring I notice that he’s still wearing a hoodie so I start cursing the WWE Creative Team for making The Deadman PG. I mean how the hell is he supposed to be threatening when he takes a hoodie off his head? The hat was pure epicness!

Rey Mysterio hits Taker with kicks and a springboard moonsault as we head into commercials

We’re back to see Rey in the Chokeslam hold but he gets out. Last Ride is dodged and the 619 ends in The Deadman’s big boot. Out of the ring Rey’s back and shoulder beet the steel ringpost. He’s working on Rey’s left hand and we all know he’s preparing for that Deadman Walking top rope clothesline. Springboard Seated Sentons from Rey get him 2 counts and Taker is on the second rope. 619 and Springboard Splash into a Chokeslam hold. Springboard Moonsault is caught and the Tombstone Piledriver connects.

Winner: The Undertaker(/w bleeding nose qualifies for Fatal 4 Way)

The main event was acceptable, but too short. I wanted to have Archer in a match but I obviously didn’t get what I wanted.

And I hope Rey Mysterio won’t interfere at Fatal 4 Way costing Punk the match and that will lead to a mask vs. mask match cause that would be horrible. *checks the WWE PPV Schedule* oh wait. Money in The Bank? More like Mask in the Bank. I just uncovered your secret WWE Creative!

Also, are we going to see the “Vickie has a wrestler as a boyfriend” soap opera all over again. I hope not! DID you hear me WWE? I HOPE NOT! I had trouble swallowing for 2 months after her and Edge’s last segment.

Question: does anyone know how to straighten his hair to look like CM Punk’s used to?

Question #2:does anyone else feel that they completely messed up Kofi’s heel turn by giving him the Intercontinental title at Over The Limit (via SOS)?

Question #3: does anyone have the transcript of what Team LayCool said in that segment?

Please post your replies and questions in the comment section below.

The Comment Section is brought to you by The Vampire Sandwich Hut! The only place in the world where you can find Ice-Cold Garlic bread sandwiches! So you can be as cool as The Vampire Lord himself!   (shameless plug)

All right Ladies and Gentlemen, this is it for this edition, make sure to read my next article, I am Phenom The Vampire Lord, until next time find yourself a garlic necklace… you might need it!