Vampire's Crypt: Smackdown report for 08/20/2010

Do you really want to cross the line right now?

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, fans of vampires who don’t sparkle from all around the world, The Vampire’s Crypt is back! And Summerslam was freakin’ awesome! Sure Smackdown had to sacrifice a match for no reason (The Intercontinental Title Match) but Taker is back! And Danielson was a freakin’ flippy floppy ninja! Jumping off stuff and making people tap out. And did you see that dropkick from hell?

I was marking out like a 4 year old fanboy when Striker said “Go for Cattle Mutilation! Turn him over Bryan”.

 

 

Latinos going at it

Midgetsterio is out to say something. He wants to thank his fans for ...WHAT? Did Todd just say Rey is the most loved WWE superstar? I guess Cena will soon get him fired!

Anyway he wants to thank his fans for their support (in 2 languages).

Alberto Del Rio comes out (Thank you vampire elders!) and he makes fun of Mysterio for being a midget!

The midget fights back with the ye old “you’re a nobody out here” line.

And they arrange a fight for tonight! Alberto vs. Mysterio TONIIIGHT!

Cheap shot by Rey and the 619 connects.

 

Grooming Tips from Cody Rhodes

Moisturizing lotion is a man’s best friend.

 

Intercontinental Championship Match

Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler © (/w Vickie Guerrero)

Classic lockup start. Forearm to the jaw sends Dolph out of the ring. Ziggler gets back in and gains the upper hand with a neckbreaker. Kicks, snapmare,chin lock combo. Kofi gets up and is grabbed by the ankle by Vickie. Running elbow sends Kofi outside as we head into COMMERCIALS!

 

We’re back to a grounded chin lock. Kofi gets up and gets squashed with a body splash. “Hairsweat” elbow drop to the back of the head of the former champion. Almost a powerbomb from Dolph gets a 2 count. Kofi dodges the body splash. Rollup for a 2 and a Lou Thesz press. Dolph  dodges the boom drop. Kofi rises on the turnbuckle! Vickie pushes him away.

Winner: Kofi Kingston (by DQ)

The Zig Zag connects! I smell heel turn! Sleeper hold sends Kofi to sleep. Dolph stomps on Kofi’s jaw just for the giggles. Damn that was a beautiful sell of the KO!

 

Hornswoggle is spying on LayCool

I have no idea what the 2 women said! Nor do I want to find out!

 

The SES is shaking

They talk about their match until Punk comes in and says that if Gallows and Serena lose THEY ARE OUT OF SES!

Luke punches himself in the jaw for some reason…

 

Serena and Luke Gallows vs. Kelly Kelly and The Big Show

Todd asks Striker to be his friend of Facebook. EPIK!

Gallows is getting owned so he tags in Serena. Kelly tries to do her corner to corner flip flop thing but gets punched in the back of the head.

Wait a minute! This is a divas match!

Hair and screaming.

Winners: Serena and Luke Gallows

Punk comes out to congratulate his team for their much needed win.

 

The Twisted,Demented mind of Kane

Kane says his favorite deadly sin is PRIDE. Because pride is what allowed him to put The Undertaker in a vegetative state. Because of his pride, Taker got dropped on his head with a Tombstone Piledriver.

He reminds us how it all started. Everything Kane did in the early years made Taker’s legacy even greater.

Kane is cutting a magnificent promo explaining us his master plan. I am marking out like a 4 year old at this moment.

Kane is playing the sadistic jealous brother role very well. He’s giving me the creeps.

If you haven’t seen it already, go youtube it because it’s freakin’ awesome.

The Devil’s New Favorite Demon conjures the fiery flames of hell and evacuates the ring area.

 

The smack of the night

It’s Christian’s match against McIntyre from 3 weeks ago. So boring

 

“Captain Botch” Christian vs. Drew McIntyre

SMOKE AND MIRRORS! Oh no, please no.

Cody comes out and joins the commentators at their table.

Christian is getting beat up by Drew bigtime. The Scotsman is focusing the attack on the left hand of Christian.

Cody is making fun of Todd Grisham. And I’ll be damned if he’s not funny. For some reason all the heel wrestlers who join the Smackdown commentators table start mocking Todd Grisham.

In ring people are very boring. Out of the ring Todd calls Cody attractive.

HOLY diving second rope DDT by Christian. Striker’s sister loves Drew McIntyre? Now I know why Tiffany was in jail.

Christian snatches the win after a lucky crucifix pin.

Winner: Christian

Christian getting mauled by Drew and Cody. Matt to the rescue. Oh wait, scratch that. Hardy to the slaughter!Butterfly DDT sends him to dreamworld. Cross Rhodes for Christian.

 

Swagger Senior Invitational

Swagger is backstage complaining about how he got robbed of everything. MVP appears out of nowhere and mocks him and his father. So they agree to have a match. If Swagger wins, he gets to host the VIP lounge for a night; if MVP wins, he can throw a huge party and it’s all on Jack’s tab. OUCH

 

The Main Event

Alberto Del Rio vs Rey Mysterio

Alberto has a really nice entrance with a personal Spanish ring announcer, a Rolls Royce and a golden fireworks waterfall.

Alberto is looking good. He’s not dominating the match, but he is doing a good job at selling the moves and at hitting his moves. He’s stomping on Rey’s hand on the steel steps then he kicks him in the ribs.  Back in ring we see an arm lock and an enziguri from Del Rio. That’s impressive just because Rey’s a midget and he’s easy to miss. And Del Rio misses the senton from the top rope. Rey starts hitting the usual seated senton-springboard crossbody combo. 619 position! And Alberto catches his legs. Rocket launcher into the turnbuckle. Rey rises on the turnbuckle but the former CMLL wrestler trips him and Midgetsterio falls on his head.

ARMBAR! Midgetsterio taps out!

Winner: Alberto Del Rio

 

*Starts dancing* Finally Rey lost a damn match! I’m so sick and tired of this overpushed Mexican mini-superman. DIE IN A FIRE, HIPPIE!

 

THE END

 

Smackdown at Summerslam

1. The Intercontinental title match was pure crap. They interrupted it cause the writers are complete retards and they can’t think of better match endings. Here’s an idea. Since Dolph is going oldschool with his sleeper hold, why not get the win after a low blow while Vickie distracts the ref?
2. The World Heavyweight title match was enjoyable. I was expecting the writers to drop the ball but for once they let Kane be a monster heel. And Rey lost fair and square, and The Undertaker didn’t come back in a blaze of glory killing everyone in the arena. He came back weak and got tombstoned by his assailant.

 

Rumors

Apparently The Miz will move to Smackdown sometime soon. But since he is in a feud with Danielson and is the Raw Mr. MITB and the US champion that seems unlikely, right? Danielson is a wrestling icon and he will get the title off Miz at Night of Champions. And lose his rematch soon after that. And he will try to cash in his briefcase on Cena (as hinted by Miz on twitter) and lose.

Now he can move to Smackdown where he can be AAWESOOOME!

 

All right Ladies and Gentlemen, this is it for this edition, make sure to read my next article, I am Phenom The Vampire Lord, until next time find yourself a garlic necklace… you might need it!

 

PS: I almost forgot… The Vampire Sandwich Hut now has a website. Go check it out. I can’t post links in here so use Google.

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