I’m not expecting any big surprises because the PPV is only 2 days away and as always WWE will play it safe.

But I have been wrong before, haven’t I? But I should stop right now…before I make myself look like an idiot…so, LET’S GET THIS BLOOD FEST STARTED!

Again we start off with a video package of Kane who promises to beat them all up! THERE WILL BE VENGEANCE (actually, Vengeance has been taken off the WWE PPV schedule a long time ago. Someone should give Kane the notice the WWE front office sent us).

Tonight, the 4 guys who will fight in the world title match at the PPV will compete in a faces vs. heels tag team match. Because a Show & Punk vs. Mysterio & Swagger would have been too boring…

This fire burns…

So, the Masked Savior will win his 4^th World Heavyweight Championship at Fatal 4 way. And the only thing that would have made that victory even sweeter would have been making the Undertaker tap out. Because he is the ONLY man in WWE history to make the Undertaker tap out. (Leading up to Vengeance 2002, Taker and Kurt Angle faced each other on Smackdown for the undisputed title. Taker went for the Last Ride but Angle reversed it into a triangle choke. Taker still managed to hit the maneuver but Angle didn't let go, leading to Angle being pinned and Taker submitting simultaneously, with the match ending as a no-contest.) Again WWE forgets about us freaks with a Google!

LIGHTS FLICKER!

The Undertaker is here! But Punk pokes him with a stick (just kidding… he just poked him) and … it was Luke Gallows! Punk does the Undertaker kneeling pose and…

THIS FIRE BURNS!

Kane is out looking for Vengeance, but Swagger comes in from behind! Punk, Gallows, Swagger and the Mystery Man attack him. Cow Splash from Luke. 3 Vader Bombs from Jack to the Big Red Machine. Show and Rey clear the house. 619 to Kane! Chokeslam from Show!

Tonight Teddy has to compete against Drew McIntyre or else he will be FIRED!

MVP comes out to a nice pop. And Christian is boring me to death as usual!

And their opponents tonight will be “The gate crashers?”, Curt Hawkins and Vance Archer.

MVP and Christian vs. Curt Hawkins and Vance Archer

The Peep slaps Hawkins and tags MVP in. MVP’s knee on head made him look fat… He throws the 2 bad guys out of the ring and…DOUBLE PLANCHA! (Christian totally botched his). Archer gets up and sends MVP head first into the steel steps. COMMERCIALS!

We’re back and Curt is… annoying me already. But Vance gets the tag and he starts working on MVP’s left hand. Failed butt squash sends waves of pain through Vance’s spine.Yepee! But he gets up before Montel can tag Christian in. Hawkins is in with a sort of cutthroat submission hold. Christian gets the tag and hits the Inverted DDT. Diving crossbody gets interrupted by Archer. MVP east the steel post. The ref goes to check him; Killswith in place… Archer comes in and saves Curt. Half nelson transitioned into an inverted DDT!

Botched diving elbow from Hawkins gets him the win.

Winners: Curt Hawkins and Vance Archer 

Post match, MVP gets his ass whooped with the Inverted DDT-Diving elbow drop combo.

Backstage, LayCool are talking about makeup. Behind them Kaval looks like the world is coming to an end and he hasn’t finished his sushi.  Mendez appears out of nowhere looking like … like she fell asleep with her face in the makeup kit.  She wants to join team LayCool but NEVER! And the Joker wants his make-up back. They mock Rosa! And they put a smile on Kaval’s face J

Backstage Guerrero is talking to his aunt. Dolph comes in wearing shorts and a tool belt! My eyes! You can see Dolph’s tan line! RUN FOR THE HILLS!

Masters comes in and yaps his mouth about a match but everyone ignores him so he leaves… According to Todd Grisham, Vickie bought those shorts off e-Bay from Striker!

HORROR!

JTG vs. Chavo Guerrero

LMAO! Chavo is coming down to the ring with a role of tape.. Apparently Vickie has a tell nobody body! You can’t tell nobody cause nobody will believe you you were brave enough to look at her body.

Anyway Chavo was whipping candy ass until he went for a slingshot splash which lands on JTG’s knees. A little back and forth leads to JTG’s finisher who picks up the win.

Winner: JTG

Post match JTG gets some kids in the ring to move the ropes around.

The Hall of Stupid Questions presents: Josh Matthews

Kofi is upset cause Long has to compete against Drew later on tonight. But he will retain his title at Fatal 4 Way and that will be gooood!

Drew McIntyre vs. Teddy Long

Teddy isn’t appearing so Drew gets a microphone.

Drew:”Teddy, if you don’t come eaut hear and face me you’re fairEd”

Teddy makes his way to the ring with an emo panda look on his face.

Drew:”I’m gonna tear you apart”

Apparently Drew has his very own security force.

Drew:” Come on Teddy, HET ME”

Drew: ”get deaun on ya knees or I will put ya deaun”.”Get deaun on both knees! Put that knee deaun!NAO”

Drew:”Say that I am the chosen one! SAY ET!”

“Get back deaun on your knees!NAO!”

Teddy lays down on his back in the middle of the ring.The bell rings. Cocky pin!

Winner: Drew McIntyre

Butterfly DDT for Teddy? NO!

SOS! I hear them shouting! Kofi’s running down the ramp but the security guys stop him.

Kingston punches Kofi in the head. Hardy comes out from the crowd and tackles Drew. Headbuts to Matt. Butterfly DDT for Hardy, and another one for Kofi!

Kelly Kelly vs. Layla

Lots of hair and screaming.

Winner: Kelly Kelly

The Hall of Stupid Questions presents: Josh Matthews (RELOADED)

Swagga says something about his daddy! But the bottom line is that he’s a winner!

And he will dedicate his Fatal 4 Way victory to his daddy!

That made me roll all over my bedroom floor!

Vickie is out and describes us a fantasy she has… PG report so I can’t really say what I have running through my mind!

Dolph Ziggler vs. Chris Masters

Boring boring! It was just a match for the General Manager’s consultant’s boyfriend. Sleeper hold reversed into a Masterlock! ROPEBREAK! Kick to the knee, Zig Zag for the 1-2-3!

Winner: Dolph Ziggler

MAIN EVENT!

Rey Mysterio and The Big Show vs. CM Punk and Jack Swagger

It took the 4 men 5 minutes to make their way to the ring! That was so boring I had to use the fast forward button.

Swagger starts off with Rey! Tag to Punk who does nothing! Rey gains the upper hand and starts picking and punching. GOING FOR THE MASK! Kick to the groin! Punk rolls out of the ring, Rey follows! Gallows runs straight into Mysterio. Back in ring Rey’s in a camel clutch. He gets out but runs  in a powerslam. Swagger gets in and Vade Bombs Rey! Arm lock breaks pretty fast! Facebuster to Jack! Hot tag to Show! Chokeslam reversed into a DDT by the World champion. Mysterio gets the tag but fails to hit that diving crossbody! Gutwrench powerbomb reversed into god knows what!

1-2-3!

Winners: Rey Mysterio and The Big Show

Kane appears out of nowhere and chokeslams Swagger and Punk! Tombstone Piledriver to Rey-Rey!

Fiery flames of hell from the ringposts! Undertaker kneeling pose as flames burst at the top of the stage where an open casket sits.

The END

It was a somewhat predictable show because the WWE doesn’t do anything risky before a Pay-Per-View. Kane was AWESOME! And so was Gallows’ impersonation of The Undertaker!

Speaking of Pay-Per-Views, here are my predictions!

Intercontinental Championship
Kofi Kingston defeats Drew McIntyre 

WWE Divas Championship (Fatal Four Way Match)
Gail Kim defeats Eve Torres, Alicia Fox and Maryse

Evan Bourne defeats Chris Jericho
 
World Heavyweight Championship (Fatal Four Way Match)*
Jack Swagger defeats CM Punk, Big Show and Rey Mysterio

United States Championship**
The Miz defeats R-Truth

The Hart Dynasty defeats The Usso's

WWE Championship (Fatal Four Way)
Sheamus defeats Edge, John Cena and Randy Orton

*NOTE: I would love to see Kane inserted in the World Heavyweight Championship match. A fatal 5 way! That would be so incredibly awesome!

And have Kane win it!

SHOCK ME WWE!

**NOTE: This is your chance WWE to make something great! Prove them internet smarks wrong! Bring back Danielson! Show us that you can still plan a storyline without it leaking all over the internet! Come on Vince!

All right Ladies and Gentlemen, this is it for this edition, make sure to read my next article, I am Phenom The Vampire Lord, until next time find yourself a garlic necklace… you might need it!