Vampire's Crypt: Smackdown Report for July 8th 2011

“If it’s war they want, it’s war they will get!”

                                                                        Heaven Shall Burn- “Partisan”

 

Greetings mortals. It’s your favorite vampire Phenom, bringing you the Smackdown report for July 8^th 2011. Above this, you can see the song I am listening to as I am writing this article. Soo, let’s get this blood fest started, shall we?

 

The show starts off with a video package of Christian’s and Orton’s contract signing. The highlight of this was Sheamus’ attack. Boy does he look lulzy in denim-blue with that red hair of his.

 

MITB Competitors talk smack

Matthews is in the ring with the competitors. Fast forward to the cool bits.

Danielson says he’s always dreamt of being the champion. And all the risks he will take will be worth it if he will end up being Smackdown’s Mr. MITB.

Rhodes steals his microphone and rambles about how he’s special. THPESHAL!

Barrett is up next and he claims he’s awesome and whatnot.

Sheamus clears the ring with a steel chair. Sin Cara was up on the turnbuckle lulzing at everything that was happening.

Sheamus grabs the microphone and says he will be Mr. MITB and after Christian gets his ass whooped by Orton, he will go after the champion. Also tonight we will see Orton vs. Christian in a non-title match.

Pro-Randy chants fill the arena.

Also Sheamus’ accent is awesome.

Captain Botch’s theme song starts playing and he comes out with a microphone in hand.

If at MITB Christian gets screwed in any way possible, he will automatically become zeh champion.

Big Daddy Sugar Teddy Long comes out and officially schedules Sheamus vs. Randy Orton for our main event. Also later we have Kane vs. Mark Henry

 

At Mania 2001 we had the first MITB. And they show us spots from that match. Awesomeness!

 

Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase vs. Bryan Danielson and Ezekiel Jackson

Is that “The Ride of the Valkyries” that Danielson is walking out to?

Danielson and DiBiase start it off. Jackson gets tagged in to curbstomp Ted. Fast forward to Danielson suicide diving on both of his opponents as we head into

COMMERCIALS

 

We’re back to an Alabama Slam to Danielson. Bryan gets double teamed by team heel. Huge comeback for Danielson with a leg lariat to Ted. He tags in Jackson who demolishes both of his opponents. Springboard Knee and the Cobra Clutch Suplex get Ted and Cody the win though.

Winners: Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase

 

Promo Package Hyping up Mark Henry

Striker awesomeness!

Of course they would cut that short in order to air a Cena promo. DIE IN A FIRE ALREADY!

 

Jinder Mahal (/w The Great Khali) vs. Trent Barretta

Squash!

Winner: Jinder Mahal

 

Grisham Love

The rampage Sheamus has been on lately is an Irish thing. That gave me lulz.

 

AJ vs. Tamina

Divas match. Hair and useless screaming

Winner: AJ

 

Kane vs. Mark Henry

Good old clash of the behemoths. Kane up on the turnbuckle. Flying clothesline into a takedown by Henry. Get up Kane! And that he does. Big BOOT! Flying clothesline off the top rope! The hand is up! Mark gets free. Second attempt! Chokeslam! Cover!

1…2… Rope Break! Kane stomps Henry out of the ring. He wants to chokeslam him through the announcers’ table. Mark gets free and sends his opponent back first in the steel post. Big Splash Pin by Henry for a kickout at 2. World’s Strongest Slam for the win.

Winner: Mark Henry

 

Orton interviewed by Grisham

Orton is confident in his ability to whoop Sheamus’ ass tonight, and then move on to RKO-pin Christian at Money In The Bank to retain.

 

Miz won last year’s money in the bank. Also, the face of the Miz girl gave me lulz

 

Tyson Kidd vs. Sin Cara

Sin Cara is being all flippy floppy gummy bear in the beginning of this matchup. Kidd tries to do something but he fails. More flippy floppy stuff going on. Kidd’s springboard elbow drop looked botched. Moonsault press? For the win. It looks an awful lot like the Cyclorama.

Winner: Sin Cara

 

Striker is backstage

And he’s trying to get some comments from the GM. And he doesn’t get one word!

 

Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel vs. The Usos

I just love how they billed the Usos as College Educated Samoans, yet they have them do the Haka which is a war dance.

One of the Samoans gets beat up by the One Man Rockband. Speaking of which, he must be one of those emo bands, cause we all know gingers have no souls.

2 guys big boot eachother in the middle of the ring. That looked awkward. Full Nelson Bomb followed by a samoan drop on Slater for a pin break by Gabriel. Neck breaker by Slater. He tags in Gabriel who asks his partner to spin around the downed Uso for the 450 Splash. A little push sends Heath in the ropes, knocking Gabriel off the top rope. Superplex followed by a splash for the pin fall.

Winners: The Usos

 

Another one of the retarded Curtis promos

 

Raw Rebound

It has Cena in it, so it is an instant fail.

 

Main Event

Randy Orton vs. Sheamus

Good Gosh Almighty! Christian is guest commentator! My ears!

Lou Thesz Press! Pure Awesomeness!

And no I am not a Randy mark. I just love that move. Orton gets Irish Whipped into the barricade. And then driven into the steel post. I love the way Sheamus got all in Christian’s face like “He’s MINE!”

COMMERCIALS!

 

Ryder promo!

 

We’re back to see Sheamus working on Orton’s left arm.

One arm DDT! Slingshot shoulder block attempt by Sheamus gets dodged. Randy with the one-armed comeback.Belly to Belly suplex by Orton! WOOT!

Sheamus is up on the turnbuckle and here comes the shoulder block off the top rope!

Awesomeness!

Irish Curse!

Knee stomp by Sheamus. Pump kick failed! Christian interferes and attacks Orton. Sheamus pump kicks his face off! RKO to Sheamus!

Randy poses as the show comes to an end.

THE END

 

All right Ladies and Gentlemen, this is it for this edition, make sure to read my next article, I am Phenom The Vampire Lord, until next time find yourself a garlic necklace… you might need it!

Discuss it on the wrestling forum

Comments

1. Comment #1

   solid work on the report. but seriously, guys, get to know what the moves are called and get a decent brain...man, many of these articles are just plain retarded...

   Posted by Y-TWG on Monday, July 11, 2011

2. Comment #2

   I could find out the exact name of every move used in every match, if i would care.
   I hate reading the reports full of moves, so i do not do what i hate.
   
   Also, define a decent brain please...

   Posted by Phenom The Vampire Lord on Monday, July 11, 2011

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